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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being CF or I’m tight?

286 replies

PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:16

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

OP posts:
Solonge · 01/01/2023 19:40

PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:16

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

Jesus.... this is more than CT.....this is criminal damage and theft. Tell the police and let them deal with it. She is not your friend....£100 a month in the South????? I live in the South and round where I am you cant rent a garage for that....

beachcomber70 · 01/01/2023 19:49

CF and downright nasty. It's theft, report it. Ungrateful and vile behaviour.

Coyoacan · 01/01/2023 19:51

I do hope in future you are a bit more careful, OP, but I hope that CF hasn't completely put you off being generous and kindhearted.

Lenald · 01/01/2023 19:56

PandorasBoxers · 31/12/2022 08:57

Sorry I meant to add that she didn’t pay a deposit.

I have been declaring it as anything over £1000 pa you need to, however after paying bills and fees I didn’t have to pay tax (which also benefited me as it was easy)

Show quote history

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister haha

helpplease01 · 01/01/2023 20:01

iamthesparrow · 30/12/2022 22:20

I'd tell her to put your fridge/furniture etc back within 48hrs or you're calling the police and reporting it as a theft.

Do this! Fucking outrageous. I'd tell her exactly what I thought of her then cut her off.

HowzAboutIt · 01/01/2023 20:10

helpplease01 · 01/01/2023 20:01

Do this! Fucking outrageous. I'd tell her exactly what I thought of her then cut her off.

Show quote history

No chance - the OP is just glad she is gone I bet

FleeceDuvet · 01/01/2023 20:35

Fuck me, they walk among us.

You’ve essentially given this woman around a thousand pounds each month out of your own pocket. This last bit of fleecing is a minor escalation really. She’s never been your friend.

OldFan · 01/01/2023 20:52

@PandorasBoxers The only way you were BU was letting her live in a 4 bed for £100. She took you for granted and so was angry when she couldn't anymore. Her theft of stuff out of your house is also illegal of course.

Caterina99 · 01/01/2023 20:53

OP move on and be grateful you now have the house empty and she hasn’t actually trashed it (I hope!).

Although she’s fully taken advantage of your kind nature and your grief, like mentioned above she’s actually done you a favour by leaving so quickly. It could have been very challenging for you legally to get her out!

Either sell the house or get it back on the rental market at a proper rent, no doubt it will get snapped up.

Bignanny30 · 01/01/2023 21:10

Look on the bright side. A bit of t.l.c. and you can have the place as good as new again and rent it out at the going rate which I’m sure is well above £600 per month.

OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa · 01/01/2023 21:14

She's stolen your appliances and furniture, I'd ask for them to be returned or you'll have to call the police. You can't just take what you like from someone else's property. She's taken you for a ride, £100 rent, she was laughing.

On the flip side she has saved you thousands on having to evict her, not all bad, try and get your stuff back though.

NoGoodUsernamee · 01/01/2023 21:17

I don’t know what other furniture she has taken, but frankly getting rid of a second hand fridge/freezer/washer/drier would have just been aggro for you for a pittance or you would have given away for free anyway.

Its annoying shes left mess but scuffed walls realistically are going to happen throughout the years anyway.

However her family/her saying you’ve put to much stress on her 🙄did she expect to live there forever for £100pm? It worked for you both temporality and now it’s over. Sell the house and move on with your life, don’t let this eat you up.

Inertia · 01/01/2023 21:21

Your friend is a CF- she has made tens of thousands of pounds from your arrangement. She’s obviously justified it to herself as doing you a favour as she was friendly with your brother, which may be why she’s badmouthing you. I think it’s fair to respond to criticism by explaining that you can’t afford to subsidise her to the tune of £900 (or whatever the difference in going rate is) per month. For context, I paid £120 per month for one room in a shared student house nearly 30 years ago- she’s been on a good deal for a long time.

However, I don’t think you’ll get any joy from pursuing her for furniture and appliances she’s taken. She might well bring them back damaged to prove a point. If they were your brother’s , appliances may well be reaching the end of their working life, you’d probably need to repair or replace soon anyway.

It isn’t worth threatening legal action - as others have said, you haven’t been abiding by your legal duties as a landlord. The cost of untangling all that would far outstrip the value of a second-hand washing machine and fridge.

She’s done you a favour by moving out- eviction process would have been much much worse. Change the locks, get it deep cleaned, and go through the correct procedures if you rent again.

Unsure33 · 01/01/2023 21:52

Disgusting behaviour . Just to say my daughter runs a property management company in the Sw she would quite happily organise rental and regular inspections for you .

Unsure33 · 01/01/2023 21:52

She could organise repairs as well .

Naddd · 01/01/2023 22:00

PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:16

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

You are not being unreasonable. My goodness she was living there for practically free w! £100 a month! Really?

Id get in touch and say u want the goods shes taken back plus removal of her crap and any damage put right

Oh n get the locks changed!

To be quite frank you are lucky she's gone, it can be a complete nightmare and cost thousands to get tenants to leave

mm40 · 01/01/2023 22:30

She’s not a CF, she’s a CC.

her behaviour is disgusting. She ought to be ashamed of herself.

shruggingitoff · 01/01/2023 22:41

She is, quite simply, rude and selfish.

I would always remain smiling though. She has shown her true colours now.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Purpl · 01/01/2023 22:47

So sorry for your loss. Grieving is exhausting and You don’t always make the best decisions.
don’t beat yourself . up.
change the locks asap and look into commercial agency rent or simply sell up so no more issues with tenants in future.
id be so grateful she left so you don’t have to evict. It will be easier for you to clear her rubbish than your brothers things.
nasty CF but we live and learn and it’s no fault to you that you are a kind generous person.
good luck. New chapter x

Jobear2797 · 02/01/2023 00:07

You have been doing her a huge huge favour and essential she’s thrown it back in your face, I know it’s horrible and hurtful when people you trust betray you especially so outrageously, but as others have said I’d give her a few days to return the items she has stolen from you and then I’d find all your receipts for them and go to the police, if that doesn’t work I would if you have it claim on your insurance or take her to the small claims court if you haven’t. What she has done is disgusting, you are pregnant and the last thing a true friend should be doing right night is upsetting you or causing you any stress. At least know it’s empty you can ask the going rate for it and many find you can reduce your hours more than you expected, or not work at all and use your tax allowance to keep more of the rent. There are so many people looking to rent right now and so few houses available you will have no trouble renting it out again but at a proper price. Time to get business like over it and use it to provide a proper income for your family, because they are all that matter right now.

Tygger · 02/01/2023 05:15

You have learned the hard way that mixing business, your rental property, with pleasure, your friend, is never a good idea, you should have got her to sign a tenancy agreement to protect both of you, you could still charge a low rent. The risk with charging below market rate is that the HMRC will value the rent at market rent and tax you on that assessed figure and not what you actually received, did you declare that you were renting it out?
I would not recommend taking legal action for the "stolen" goods, if they're 8 years old they have little value, its a lot of hassle and even if you win she may not be able to pay you.
you can get tax relief when you replace them.

Barney60 · 02/01/2023 10:48

Do as others have said, give her a date of maximum a week to put stuff back or reporting her to police, then get ALL locks changed.

SnozPoz · 02/01/2023 10:58

You are not being unreasonable and she is a cf. But it sounds like you've actually dodged a bullet. She could have refused to move. If she's been there six years and the white goods were older than that then you probably would have needed to replace some of them anyway before renting out the property. Get someone in to manage it for you at the full rent and put it down to experience

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/01/2023 12:10

Barney60 · 02/01/2023 10:48

Do as others have said, give her a date of maximum a week to put stuff back or reporting her to police, then get ALL locks changed.

No. Get the locks changed immediately.

SHe still has access to the property - if she gets chucked out by her relatives, and has no immediate prospect of a council house she can just walk back into it and squat. SHE can then change the locks and you could have no access to your own house.

Do it now, write off the theft (you can ask her to return stuff, but as a PP has said, there is a possibility that she'll damage it anyway) and draw a line under this horrible incident.

Look to the future - this awful woman is now in your past. Make sure she stays there.

Barney60 · 02/01/2023 15:53

Emotionalsupportviper ·
yes correct, i never thought about squatting.