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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being CF or I’m tight?

286 replies

PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:16

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 30/12/2022 22:30

She's not a CF she's a thief and a piss taker.

Text her and give her an ultimatum - 12pm tomorrow the items are returned or you call the police.

You've already been too soft with it all, time to stand up for yourself and stop letting her walk all over you.

LimeTwists · 30/12/2022 22:30

Tell her that you extremely saddened by the way she has repaid your kindness by leaving your late brother’s home in such an awful way. Also tell her that you are going to give her an opportunity to return the number of valuables she has taken which she knows do not belong to her. She needs to return them to the property by a set date. Or - as sad as you are to have to do this - it will leave you with no choice but to go to the police and report them as stolen.

She’s absolutely disgusting.

MoveOnTheCards · 30/12/2022 22:30

I was just going to say change the locks before you do anything else but @Sunshineismyfriend beat me to it!

Travis1 · 30/12/2022 22:32

tell her to return the items or you’ll report to police for theft. Did you have a proper tenancy agreement?

MaggieFS · 30/12/2022 22:32

At least she's out. Have you changed the locks?

I'd report the theft but not expect anything back.

shreddies · 30/12/2022 22:33

It's not you but as others have said it's good that you don't have a nightmare in trying to get her out

Zampa · 30/12/2022 22:33

Think of it as a blessing, OP.

She's gone when you could have had months of fighting through court to get her out.

You will have to invest in new white goods but they'll come with a warranty, which is great for a rental.

I wouldn't bother with small claims. Unless you have an inventory, it could end up with your word against hers. Write it off and move on.

You can also now charge open market value, so again, a bonus.

Concentrate on the positives, including your new baby. It's hard but the best thing IMO.

Luckyducker · 30/12/2022 22:35

This goes beyond CF and into bastard territory. I'm very sorry you lost your brother.

Meggymoo777 · 30/12/2022 22:35

Absolute CF... get your stuff back! Stealing from your deceased brothers house, after you've given her incredibly low rent and 6 months notice... get ta fuck to put it bluntly! Call the police

StressedToTheMaxxx · 30/12/2022 22:35

Of course you're not being unreasonable. She has stolen from and trashed your property. I'd be caling the police over this theft.

NameChagaiiiin · 30/12/2022 22:36

Who on earth has voted OP is being unreasonable 🧐

So sorry you've been put through this. I'm not sure where you'd stand on this with theft via the police tbh unless you had a documented inventory of what's what. But you can try.

A tiny silver lining is at least you'll be able to rent it out for its market value, and please use a reputable agency this time.

Ibouncetothebeat · 30/12/2022 22:37

Yes she is bad for having taken your appliances. But you gave her 6 months to move out or pay higher rent. She chose to move out. The fact that you were expecting that money so you could work part time isn’t her problem.

Original poster
PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:37

Thank you so much for your replies.

I definitely think we’ll sell my brothers place. He’s in my heart and although enough time has passed the house isn’t ‘his’ anymore, it still upset me to see ‘his’ things gone like I’d let him down. I definitely couldn’t do that with a stranger being in there.

I didn’t think about changing the locks but will. I’m really hurt she didn’t give me any warning actually, more than the stealing. She didn’t mention it at all, so when we’ve been texting each other saying we’re on the sofa she’s been packing!

I will text her tomorrow. DH took photos of the mess she left, so I’ll send that to her as well.

OP posts:
Meggymoo777 · 30/12/2022 22:38

LimeTwists · 30/12/2022 22:30

Tell her that you extremely saddened by the way she has repaid your kindness by leaving your late brother’s home in such an awful way. Also tell her that you are going to give her an opportunity to return the number of valuables she has taken which she knows do not belong to her. She needs to return them to the property by a set date. Or - as sad as you are to have to do this - it will leave you with no choice but to go to the police and report them as stolen.

She’s absolutely disgusting.

This is much more eloquent than my previous post! 🤣 Go with this!

Pootle22 · 30/12/2022 22:38

Did you have an official tenancy contract with her?

If not you've got away lightly, she could have refused to pay more than your historic agreement and you'd have had to go through courts to get her out, taking about a year and a couple of grand.

However I think the fact that she left without a fight shows she didn't know her rights. So you can try to demand the items back and payment for damage but without an inventory and contract you'd really struggle to actually persue this through the courts.

Get the house fixed up and on the market at full rent, she's done you a favour.

And yes, she's a CF. Imagine not being grateful for years of cheap rent!

amiold · 30/12/2022 22:40

Ibouncetothebeat · 30/12/2022 22:37

Yes she is bad for having taken your appliances. But you gave her 6 months to move out or pay higher rent. She chose to move out. The fact that you were expecting that money so you could work part time isn’t her problem.

Give over.

She give no notice
Damaged walls
Stole goods
Left rubbish.

misssunshine4040 · 30/12/2022 22:40

Dogsogdog · 30/12/2022 22:17

She’s a cf and you need to ask for your stuff back

What a disgusting person! Call the police and repot your items stolen and they will get them back and charge her

FurAndFeathers · 30/12/2022 22:41

iamthesparrow · 30/12/2022 22:20

I'd tell her to put your fridge/furniture etc back within 48hrs or you're calling the police and reporting it as a theft.

This

she's clearly no friend

StClare101 · 30/12/2022 22:42

Change the locks and report her for theft. She is no friend.

Original poster
PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:42

I should also say I didn’t have a tenancy agreement with her. It was right after DB died, I wasn’t thinking clearly and didn’t want to touch the property.

it really was a help that she was going to move in at that time and take over paying council tax and not let it get damp etc from being empty. At that time the £100 was a bonus to me and I feel like I had a good deal whilst I was grieving.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 30/12/2022 22:43

She's no friend. She's had an absolute bargain of a home from you for years and hasn't appreciated your generosity. She's seriously taken advantage of you being vulnerable after your DB's passing.

You need to put your business hat on now though. A proper rent from the property will help fund your maternity leave and will provide an ongoing income for you and your family.

Now she's gone you must charge a proper market value rent and I very strongly advise you get a decent letting agent to deal with all the legal requirements, administration etc. There's lots if rules regarding fire alarms, carbon monoxide alarms, energy ratings etc but a good agent will guide you through exactly what's needed and help arrange most of it. I've been a landlord for 20 years and I still wouldn't do it without a good agent to help me.

As others have said you tell her to return the items she has taken or you will report it as theft.

Unfortunately, without a contract or deposit you can't do much about the rubbish left other than clear it out yourselves or pay for it to be cleared. You could get a skip and dump anything she's left in it.

As she's lived there around 6 years you probably do need to give the property a neutral fresh coat of paint all over prior to letting it.

The majority of renters prefer unfurnished so don't worry too much about furniture but you will need the white goods - fridge, freezer, cooker, washing machine, as a minimum.

It will cost a bit to get ready but you should soon recoup those costs once it's let at a proper rent. £600 seems very low (although I'm in a different area so I'm not sure what SW rent rates are like. I imagine though you'll get several hundred pounds a month more at a proper rate so even if you spend £1,000 sorting everything, you'll have covered those costs in just a few months.

Don't let this horrible person put you off your plans.

maddy68 · 30/12/2022 22:44

I would tell her that you give her 24 hrs to replace everything or you will be reporting the theft to the police

reallynow1 · 30/12/2022 22:44

Your 'friend' has been extremely unreasonable. As to what to do about it....to me it depends if you ran it as a proper rental, with deposit in scheme, all the safety certificates, income, even though nominal reported correctly etc.

BarrelOfOtters · 30/12/2022 22:44

You are well shot of her. Change the locks.

it’s probably time to sell. Get someone round ro value it then it can become someone’s new home.

Beautiful3 · 30/12/2022 22:46

Wow she's clearly in the wrong here. I'd ask for your stuff back, as it's theft.

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