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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being CF or I’m tight?

286 replies

PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:16

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 30/12/2022 22:46

Take photos of everything. Change the locks.

In a weird way she has done you a favour as you can now sell the house and not have to worry about evicting her.

Expect her to play the victim to frame on social media. Photos of how she left the house will help here.

StickyCricket · 30/12/2022 22:46

She’s actually done you a huge favour by moving out with little fuss. With no formal tenancy agreement in place she could have made things very difficult for you. She’s saved you an absolute fortune in not having to formally evict her.

Realistically the white goods she taken (being 6-8 years old and used) are virtually worthless.

After having a tenant in one of our rentals for 6 years we would expect some walls to be grubby and marked from moving, and would have budgeted for redecorating anyway.

As for the rubbish she’s left, hire a skip and chalk it up as a cheap lesson learned - that’s what a deposit and a rental contract is for.

You’ve used her, she’s used you. You’ve both done ok out of the arrangement.

FlamingJingleBells · 30/12/2022 22:50

Get a letting agency to vet future tenants and manage the rental for you going forward. At least now you can get proper market rate for your property. It will be worth paying the agency fee not to deal with ex friend again.

hartytype · 30/12/2022 22:51

She's a CF.

But I think you've got away lightly. She could have refused to leave and/or not paid/stopped paid, which would have been so much worse.

Put it behind you and either sell or rent the property. She's not worth the stress. The items are 8 years old as well, probably not worth much so I'd not bother trying to get them back. My washer/drier/fridge freezer- I'd be lucky to get 8 years out of them

LoveBluey · 30/12/2022 22:52

Change the locks immediately before you send her any messages. You absolutely don't want to be dealing with trying to evict someone.
Then decide whether you want the hassle of renting more professionally or just selling up.

toocold54 · 30/12/2022 22:52

I think it’s fine for her to move out.
It’s her right and you wanted her out eventually so she’s done you a favour.

But it’s completely unacceptable for her to have taken things that weren’t her.

Out if principal I would be telling her how disgraceful it is that she’s stolen these things, especially considering how little rent you have charged her over the years.
Now she has had a hissy fit and thrown your generosity back in your face.

Teenagehorrorbag · 30/12/2022 22:52

She is an ungrateful thief, but as PPs have said, at least she has gone and you don't have to evict her, which would be costly and time consuming. It's not usual to supply white goods or furniture when you rent a house (we have tried, nobody wants them....) so she has probably done you a favour there too, unless she took anything of sentimental value?

Cut your losses (and her out of your life), get the place cleaned up and rented out, and enjoy your new arrival......

Bs0u416d · 30/12/2022 22:55

I'm sorry OP but she isn't you're friend. She's a massive cunt and a thief to boot. Call the police.

Honeyroar · 30/12/2022 22:56

What a horrible friend! I’m not sure that the police would do anything other than give you a crime number?

Id change the locks. Take lots of photos. Screenshot/copy any contract or proof of how much she paid. Tell her you want your property back, and that you will be taking legal action for the stolen property and the costs of a professional clean up of the mess she left. Then go to the small claims court.

usedtolovenaps · 30/12/2022 23:01

She was paying you £100 for a 4 bedroom new built?! Sounds like even paying £600 would have been a very good option for her but she is obviously upset she can't take advantage of you anymore.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/12/2022 23:01

iamthesparrow · 30/12/2022 22:20

I'd tell her to put your fridge/furniture etc back within 48hrs or you're calling the police and reporting it as a theft.

This.

The friendship is gone anyway now so what’s to lose?

LumpyandBumps · 30/12/2022 23:06

It’s upsetting that she left the house in a bad state, but at least she’s gone, and now you know what she is actually like you wouldn’t want her there.

If you now intend to sell you won’t need the white goods, and they probably have little intrinsic value now anyway. In fact she might have saved you the bother of disposing of them.

If any of the things she stole have sentimental value then it’s reasonable to ask for those back.

Otherwise I would suggest just getting the house cleared, minor damage fixed, a fresh coat of paint, and things will look much more positive. Houses can look awful when they are not fully cleared when moving, but it really doesn’t take much money or effort to make it look a lot more pleasant.

Good luck, and change those locks!

If it’s a UPVC door a replacement euro barrel costs from around £10, and is a fairly straightforward DIY job. There are videos on YouTube.

LucyAutumn · 30/12/2022 23:06

You're not being unreasonable at all, as others have said, your friend has pulled a fast one on you and also stolen from you. Hopefully you can sort it out without having to get the police involved

CheesenCrackersmm · 30/12/2022 23:06

Change the locks right now.

Unless they meant a lot to you I would not bother chasing her for the things she stole. You should be able to make up the difference and them some by renting at full market value to somebody else. The last thing you want is her coming back for more revenge and barracading herself in.

Topee · 30/12/2022 23:06

I don’t think you realise quite how generous you’ve been.

Her behaviour is appalling but you’re well shot of her.

YouTarzan · 30/12/2022 23:08

She’s done you a favour in the long term by moving out.

TangoAcid · 30/12/2022 23:08

Sadly, this woman is not your friend OP. She has taken advantage of you from the get go. Horrifically abused your trust and your grief. £100 pcm for a 4 bed house anywhere is a ridiculously low rent and she should be ashamed by coercing you into agreeing to that while you were feeling a vulnerable and grieving. I would give her chance to bring your white goods back and if she doesn't, contact the police, report for theft or get some advice from a solicitor.

viques · 30/12/2022 23:15

She has been a cf but has actually done you a few favours in the long run. First of all she has saved you the problem of getting her out, secondly she has made it possible for you to either sell or rent the property at a commercial rent and thirdly she has taken eight year old white goods off your hands probably minutes before they break down. The furniture is a pain, but replaceable if necessary.Get a handyman in to patch up the damage, paint through and either sell or rent out unfurnished.

nomcachange · 30/12/2022 23:15

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your friend sounds like an absolute cunt - I read your op open-mouthed - and for the life of me I don’t know where the 3% ‘YABU’ voters must reside.

nomcachange · 30/12/2022 23:16

Sorry, meant to say, I’m sure it’ll be for the best in the long run, no thanks to her!

FabFitFifties · 30/12/2022 23:16

If the appliances were over 5 years old, I'd just be pleased she has gone OP. The mess is annoying and an extra expense, but easier to deal with than legal action. I very much doubt you will hear from her again. Move on is my advice and sell.

OooScotland · 30/12/2022 23:17

Call the police immediately. She stole furniture and appliances and she needs some consequences for her appalling behaviour.

She’s not your friend, OP.

Abigail69 · 30/12/2022 23:23

What is 'CF'?

SpottyBalloons · 30/12/2022 23:27

@Abigail69 It stands for cheeky fucker.

NoDairyNoProblem · 30/12/2022 23:27

Abigail69 · 30/12/2022 23:23

What is 'CF'?

CF = Cheeky Fucker