Friend being CF or I’m tight?

[PandorasBoxers]

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

Yanbu!
No good deed goes unpunished. She saw an opportunity, took advantage of you when you were vulnerable and milked it for all she could.

Film all the damage and post it on socials and tag on the post. This is what you get for charging £100 pittance for rent to a greedy pig. She deserves shaming for that.

To not even give a thank you, just a kick in the teeth is disgusting.

You were so kind.

Change the locks immediately then threaten her with police unless she immediately returns the items she stole. Follow thru with police if she doesn't return the stolen items.

I agree you must change the locks in case she returns; I’d also insist she compensated you or returns the furniture.
She’s not a friend and I’d be glad she’s gone without having to evict her.
If you sell now it’s better than a year’s time as house prices will probably go down and it will support your maternity leave.
I hope you can develop better boundaries as you’ve really been taken advantage of - maybe have some therapy. Enjoy the next stage of your life and I’m sure you will find true friends amongst other new mums.

You should never have let a friend stay there, not least of all for £100 /month. She was only ever going to abuse the privilege. And that she did, including theft and sustaining damage with no admission of liability,

she's no friend taking advantage of your generosity when she knew it belonged to your deceased DB, but these things happen, all you can do is move forward.

presumably you're no longer friends, as she doesn't deserve your kindness and needs to give you a grovelling apology.

I mean this kindly but 2 things for others;

1. Never make big decisions when you a are grieving.
2. NEVER,EVER mix business with pleasure. Never rent to a friend, the relationship changes, and you will, inevitably, fall out over something and the other party nearly always becomes a CF. Change locks and tell her you are calling the police, and do it.

Poor you, OP. I also have been unable to do anything but store everything of my mum's, seven years nearly now. I am glad for you that you have come to the point where you can sell the house. Big hug for that.

The friend really isn't, is she? Like everyone else, I'd send her a message with a list of the things she took that weren't hers, plus the rubbish she left. I'd tell her to return the stuff (and reconnect it) and arrange and pay for cleaners/gardners and we'd be square. Failing that, she should transfer you the cost of these things, plus some extra for your own time in arranging it.

If she doesn't do either of those, forget the friendship and get a county court judgement. It's theft. And you can think of your DP being pleased you're standing up for yourself.

Good luck.

OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you but for the sake of your sanity, pursuing the stolen white goods and furniture will only drag out the unpleasantness and is very unlikely to result in any kind of satisfactory resolution for you. It's hard to understand why your friend behaved like this but she's not the first and won't be the last. Perhaps she started to feel jealous that you have 2 homes, she had none and knew she'd never be able to afford your size of house off the bat. Perhaps she could bear the thought of down sizing and just couldn't bring herself to be civil to you about vacating the house.

I think you need to reframe it in your mind that now you know her to be a CF and no real friend, youve got off relatively lightly, given she could have dragged out her departure (as you had no formal lease agreement) and caused you significant financial loss beyond the monthly £100 and theft of furniture and white goods whose estimated resale value would probably be quite low by now. You would not want to have all this aggravation to deal with during your pregnancy.

In your shoes, I would not rent out the house but sell it. You can live off some of the capital whilst on mat leave and maybe pay off the mortgage on your current house. I'd seek legal advice though so you know what taxes to expect and how to go about ring fencing the inheritance to ensure it remains yours and isn't considered a marital asset, if that is at all possible.

Onwards and upwards! You've a baby on the way and much to look forward to.

She was wrong to take advantage of your grief to suggest £100pcm, but you’ve had 6 years in which to come to your senses on that, so her pisstaking became your choice.
She’s absolutely wrong for stealing things, leaving a mess and damaging walls.
I do think she’s also wrong for giving you a few days notice - but only in the sense that it becomes clear it was an obvious dig at you.

But you told her you wanted in back for Jan 2023, and she gave her very short notice in the last week of December. So nothing wrong there.

You could try to pursue the theft angle, but I expect you haven’t been declaring the £1200 income for 6 years… so I’d leave “official” revenge well alone, personally. But if you’ve included it on your tax return, and done landlord safety checks on boilers (I suspect but don’t know that you’ve created tenancy obligations) then go for it with the theft threat!

You have been given really good advice by @Mummyoflittledragon so I would take that if I were you.

Unfortunately, whether you meant to or not, as soon as you accepted the first £100 payment from your friend you created a legal tenancy - you don't need a paper tenancy agreement to create a tenancy - the mere acceptance of payment in return for the keys (possession) does this. Given the situation you were in with the loss of your DB I'm guessing you almost certainly didn't have the necessary legal framework and certification in place for you to be letting the property legally, therefore if you try to pursue anything there is a possibility you may end up coming off worse if your friend takes advice and finds this out.

Assuming you have written confirmation that your friend has surrendered the tenancy it would be wise to be pragmatic about this and breathe a sigh of relief that you haven't had to take lengthy and expensive legal action to remove her from the property - that could easily have run to thousands of pounds. Change the locks and make your decision either to sell or re-let. As PP have said 8 year old white goods have very little residual value.

Clear the house and give it a lick of paint and move on. I know it sticks in the craw a bit after you have been so kind (and particularly under these specific circumstances) but it could actually have ended up being a lot worse.

Wow! She has really been taking advantage of you! £100 a month for a newish 4 bed house (and furnished). She has been taking you for a ride. You really shouldn’t have rented it out to a ‘friend’ for so little. Please sort this out properly. Rent for a reasonable price or sell.

So she has lived in a nice house for a minuscule rent for 6 years and now done a midnight flit, stealing goods from you ?? I agree with pp’s - she is not a CF, she is a thief and a liar and not a friend to you at all.

I would seriously be calling the police.

She's a user and a thief. She probably felt she'd won the lottery when she got a new house for practically nothing. Clearly has no shame. At least you got her out. She could have dug her heels in and you'd have to taken her to court. So it could be much worse

The manner in which she has moved out and taken from you is completely out of order.
I can’t understand why in all the time she was living there you never increased the rent from £100. I gave my mum that much in rent when I was living at home 30 years ago. Obviously they’ve benefited from the low rent but thinking from the tenant’s point of view I’d be a bit hacked off if my friend wanted to increase my rent by such a big amount after 6 years, you should have increased it annually whilst she lived there then you wouldn’t be pregnant working two jobs.

i came on to say this “on another note, I believe if you’re moving your main residence, you don’t have to pay second home stamp duty. You have to if you buy a second home for instance if you bought an additional home for yourself or a btl but not if you sold your main residence and bought another.” - it’s correct.

im also in the ‘you had legal requirements’ camp and as they are safety related it’s serious that you didn’t fulfil them. Gas and electricity safety certificates are legal requirements in England and I have to have fire alarms checked annually and report changes of tenant to Welsh water but that could be a flat or Welsh requirement as I’m not sure that applies in England. Totals about £250 to £300 a year but I’m in breach of various things if it’s not done.

Haven't RTFT but there was a tenancy agreement, it was created as soon as money was exchanged between you. There doesn't have to be a written agreement for the tenancy to have been created. An assured short hold tenancy has implied terms in law which you were both bound by.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/tenancy-agreements/

She has done you a massive, huuuuge favour by moving out, she really has - strictly speaking she didn't have to and you could have found yourself pursuing an eviction in court for £££££ costs, which would have been problematic if you haven't been keeping your legal responsibilities as a landlord up to date eg the gas safety etc.

She totally took advantage of you in your time of grief though for sure, and you're well rid of her. Personally I'd suck up the damage and white goods for the sake of having nothing to do with her.

Oh just to add she’s no friend! But I’d be inclined to move on and learn from this experience

Change the locks today.
Hire a skip
Get a decorator in to repair damage and whitewash the walls.
Then see an estate agent and put it on the market. You can put the money into paying your own mortgage off or getting a buy to let property that you’re not emotionally invested in. But if you go down that route use a letting agent next time.
Never speak to her again!

So she has lived there for 6 years paying only £100 pm in rent? What a cf. I would be reporting the theft to the police.

As other posters have said, she has done you a massive favour by moving out. Now you can get some decent money out of that house
Dont waste any more headspace thinking about this woman, she is a waste of space
Just be grateful that she has left of her own accord and you didn’t have to go through hoops to get her out.

Don’t forget to change the locks

She is a thief.
She removed your possessions without your consent.
Enough to speak with the police.

The replacement cost of the white goods & repairs will run into thousands, & this is work that needs to be done before you show the house for sale or rent. Her actions have a direct impact on you, your time & bank balance.

First you need to establish that she has taken the stuff - tbh I am not sure how best to do that - then either offer her the opportunity to put it back in situ (not dumped in the garden) &/or report this to the police/take her to the small claims court for the replacement costs.

For some reason, she thinks that you are soft & unlikely to take charge.
You don’t have to take this crap & disrespect.

Agree

I agree she’s done you a massive favour by moving out. You’d have struggled to even get her out as you didn’t set up a proper tenancy and the court could potentially have ruled in her favour if you needed to seek eviction. And yes, it would have cost thousands to pay a solicitor to go to court. You’d definitely have needed a solicitor seeing as you were not meeting the legal obligations.

A for her belongings, usually you are supposed to store them for 14 days and give her time to collect. If you have a forwarding address or email, I would write to her confirming you acknowledge she has vacated the premises and note that she has left some personal items. Then inform her she has 14 days from the date of the letter or email to contact you to collect these items otherwise you will dispose of them. Hand deliver the letter btw. Keep a copy of this or any response.

This letter / email is also a helpful part of the paper trail of her vacating the house. You should also screenshot the text and print it off. This is your only proof that you haven’t illegally evicted her.

This

It’s one of those where you do someone a favour (a huge one in this case and for years) then they feel entitled to it and punish you for withdrawing it. It probably would have been better to charge her a higher rent to begin with.

I think you’re doing the right thing, selling now. Renting it out will just be a hassle and you can use that money to reduce (remove the need for?) the mortgage on your new house to give you peace of mind.

Re your ‘friend’, yes she has stolen from you and left a huge mess. You should speak to her about that and ask her to clean up the mess and return your things (or at least clean up if you are selling anyway and think letting her keep the stuff may salvage the friendship - if that’s dead anyway, go down the police route).