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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being CF or I’m tight?

286 replies

PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:16

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 01/01/2023 18:26

If she is cheeky enough to ask for a reference for her next landlord give them a full & Frank one, don't pass it through her, send it direct to the landlord.

Justbefair · 01/01/2023 18:34

She should have been grateful for all these years getting cheap rent no matter how upset she may be at the change. So sad how some so called friends show their true colours. YADNBU. X

Talaforniababe · 01/01/2023 18:40

100 pounds a month rent? You've got a handle on your head. Tell her to get to fuck.

yossell · 01/01/2023 18:43

"CGT isn’t applicable on an inheritance"

can someone clarify this for me. My understanding is that CGT is very much applicable on an inheritance. But you're not taxed on the whole sale value, just the value that the house has increased between the date of inheritance and the date of sale.

LoisLane66 · 01/01/2023 18:44

Have you taken photos of the state of the rooms? Have you found out the name of the removals company or the van hire company? It wouldn't take much time on the phone to find out and they would know where they took her belongings to.

Carsontrack · 01/01/2023 18:47

£100 pcm? She’s been taking advantage of you for years and is no friend to you.
Tell her in writing she has taken items which do not belong to her and ask her to return them. If she does not reply or return, tell her you will contact the police and report her for theft.

Addicted2Kale · 01/01/2023 18:48

There's so much wrong with what I read. How are you asking if you're tight? Are you serious?? You let this freeloader live in a 4 bed house for virtually nothing! Did you owe her for a previous good deed?

She's a lowlife. Forget the stuff shes stolen. You're not getting that back. Learn from this and never repeat it.

Also it's a dangerous game relying on the rent to pay for your maternity leave. You're one more crap tenant away from oblivion. The rent should be a bonus, not a primary source of income.

LoisLane66 · 01/01/2023 18:52

The OP mentions paying bills and fees? What exactly were the bills and fees? I can't imagine there would be much going wrong with an 8 year old house. I had a new boiler installed 2 years ago after the old one packed up after 22 years. Fridge is 20 years old. It's a rented property built in the late 1800s.
Fees? To whom?

HotChoxs · 01/01/2023 18:57

Who cares what her family thinks
You are correct to block and ditch them all. Scroungers.

tempester28 · 01/01/2023 18:58

Wow, she is very out of order, where can you rent a 4 bedroom house for 650? and why take all the essentials from the kitchen? tell her she needs to bring them back. If she is renting somewhere else there is very likely to be all those things supplied.

I think you will be better off renting it out at market value but you have been very kind to her and she is awful for doing that

Hopeistaysane · 01/01/2023 18:59

That’s really shitty behaviour from a supposed friend and I’m not surprised you are upset. I would personally start by texting and saying she has 3 days to return the items she has stolen before you approach both the police and a solicitor. If she fails to return the items, I would ask a solicitor to send a letter on your behalf demanding the return of the items or they will be reported to the police as stolen. That would worry most people enough to return them. I would also be asking her to pay for someone to clear the remaining rubbish and r fix the damage to the walls. I’m assuming you have changed the locks?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 01/01/2023 19:01

As everyone else has said, she’s a cf and a thief, but what has she done with your possessions if she’s with family? Did she just show up with an extra fridge freezer in her suitcase?
What is wrong with people?
Im so sorry to hear about your brother, and I hope you find a way to move on with your life, and use his legacy to you, as he would have obviously wanted you to.
(btw rent around here, SW England would be around £1500/ month, for a 4 bed)

HotChoxs · 01/01/2023 19:02

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/12/2022 09:50

www.lettingaproperty.com/landlord/blog/gas-safety-checks-landlords/

I wasn’t trying to be spiteful, I was trying to be factually accurate. No gas safety certificate? Unlimited fines and up to 6 months in prison.

no EICR? Fine of up to £30,000

she did have a tenancy agreement by virtue of paying rent. And the OP might have been doing her friend a favour but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been breaking the law and, therefore, I wouldn’t be pushing the white goods too far…

£100 a month contribution from a friend would be seen as her renting a property?
You must be joking.

Cactusmad · 01/01/2023 19:04

Remember how you feel now when she wants a reference to rent again. So sorry your ex friend took advantage of your good nature. She was paying less a month than people pay for take aways. . I hope the rest of the situation goes smoothly.

Rainbow1901 · 01/01/2023 19:10

yossell · 01/01/2023 18:43

"CGT isn’t applicable on an inheritance"

can someone clarify this for me. My understanding is that CGT is very much applicable on an inheritance. But you're not taxed on the whole sale value, just the value that the house has increased between the date of inheritance and the date of sale.

If my past accounts training memory is correct - any repairs to the property along with estate agents selling fees, clean up fees etc can be deducted which would reduce the CGT payable.
The thing to remember that if the property is not your principal residence then CGT is payable whether inherited or not regardless of when you may sell it in the future.
You say that she had been clearing DBs house over the years which has helped you. So you are kind of between a rock and a hard place as when she moved out she may have taken her own white goods or furniture which she had replaced in the house.
If you had let the house with white goods and some furniture included you could have also deducted an annual percentage as expenses but not a new boiler for example. Have you been declaring all this to HMRC?
If you are serious about renting out as others have said you could become a cropper if you get a bad tenant. Maybe you should consider selling the property and then investing the proceeds to provide you with an income without the uncertainty of possible difficult tenants.

defi · 01/01/2023 19:13

That's absolutely vile of her. You sound a lovely friend and person

HotChoxs · 01/01/2023 19:14

yossell · 01/01/2023 18:43

"CGT isn’t applicable on an inheritance"

can someone clarify this for me. My understanding is that CGT is very much applicable on an inheritance. But you're not taxed on the whole sale value, just the value that the house has increased between the date of inheritance and the date of sale.

Only if it wasn't the person that lived theirs primary residence. This would have been dealt with during the probate.

CGT would only apply now if the OP sold the house for more than the market value at the time it was inherited.

It's probable that will happen and again why this so called "friend" is a really horrible person.

AvocadoRock · 01/01/2023 19:19

In the long run, she's done you a favour by leaving. Even though the tenancy wasn't strictly above board, she would have created a tenancy by default by paying you rent regularly.
She's done herself a disservice as she's likely to be found intentionally homeless and her priority for social housing will be reduced. You didn't ask her to leave and even with the rent increase, it would have still been reasonable to occupy the property. She's had a bloody good run for paying a token rent for so long. She's going to be in for a shock when she enters the real world! Hopefully you'll get some of your belongings back.

SoHereBesMe · 01/01/2023 19:20

From memory, if you are selling your principle residence to buy a new one, you should be OK tax wise, but I don't know if you need to prove that it is your principle residence... ie. The income on DB house was recorded as rental income and tax paid. Or maybe even the fact that your post went to the house you lived in.id recommend professional advice on that.
I do agree she's a thief and really your items should be returned to house, but in the grand scheme of things,you probably are better with her gone, replace if you can, and get it rented out for full rental value.
Friends and property rarely mix well unfortunately 😕

Gandalfsthong · 01/01/2023 19:20

She must have known that this incredibly generous arrangement couldn’t go on long-term, she might have been shocked, but she’s acted hideously, even if you were just a landlord let alone a friend. A CF and a thief. She’s going to have a real shock entering the rental market

ChampagneLassie · 01/01/2023 19:21

iamthesparrow · 30/12/2022 22:20

I'd tell her to put your fridge/furniture etc back within 48hrs or you're calling the police and reporting it as a theft.

This. She is no friend. You did her an amazing deal and now she's stolen from you. I'd give her a, very stern opportunity to put right or report her for theft. She does not give one F* about you

FootieMama · 01/01/2023 19:24

Go and change the locks ASAP! Forget about the stolen furniture. You won't get it back. If she was able to do that she can do much worse. Just change the locks and stop interacting with her.

pinkfondu · 01/01/2023 19:26

So ungrateful

Monster80 · 01/01/2023 19:30

What a nightmare. As others have said, overall she has done you a favour as she’s gone, which is the most important thing. Look out for free appliances on local Facebook/free cycle groups. Pay a cleaner to deep the clean the property and bag-up anything for the dump. I wouldn’t want to stress my pregnancy. Hopefully when you let commercially the uplift in rent should make up for any appliances removed/damage to dry walls (this can be filled and repainted cheaply).

StupidStupidStupidStupidStupid · 01/01/2023 19:39

canyouextrapol · 31/12/2022 10:50

She's a thief and has taking advantage of you in your grief. But I'd change the locks and try and move on. At least she's out and I would just never interact with her again

This.
The extra stress involved in negotiating return, or dealing with it if she dumped it on the front lawn, may not be worth the hassle.
Sorry op. She was obviously no friend Flowers