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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being CF or I’m tight?

286 replies

PandorasBoxers · 30/12/2022 22:16

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

OP posts:
trulyunruly01 · 31/12/2022 08:12

You did create a legal tenancy therefore she could have refused to leave and made you evict her. Did you have insurance that would cover the £££ of evicting her? I doubt it. Although £100 sounds peanuts, over time it adds up and your tax liability on the rent you've received is about £1440 - have you paid that? I doubt it.
I think your best bet is to suck it up this time. You've been lucky that she's upped and gone as easily as this. It's a lesson learned, and perhaps it's time to sell the house and live a mortgage-free future.

UniversalAunt · 31/12/2022 08:12

I have just seen @Mummyoflittledragon post about letting & without white goods.Sounds very sensible.

There are also good points made above not getting drawn into an argument or expending energy on pursuing her, better to focus on what you want to achieve.

But I’d still be really hacked off at the CFery & disrespect.

UniversalAunt · 31/12/2022 08:17

@Mummyoflittledragon your posts are interesting.

Would you consider doing a ‘I’m a landlord, AMA’ ?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/12/2022 08:18

Based on your updated:

you’ve not paid tax
youve not protected her deposit
you have none of the safely stuff you need to be a landlord

grief or not, you’ve been acting illegally for the last 6 years

katmarie · 31/12/2022 08:20

When you rent out a property the legal requirements eg tenancy agreements, safety certs etc protect landlords as well as tenants. As you did none of these things, your friend has been living with no security of tenancy for all this time. You, equally, have had no real legal rights regarding the condition of the house or getting her to leave it. You are very lucky she has moved out willingly.

To prove she's stolen from you, you're going to need to show what was in the property, do you have photos or any kind of inventory? Otherwise can she argue that over the years she has replaced the white goods as needed and the ones she's taken are her own?

strawberry2017 · 31/12/2022 08:28

Wow £100 a month, she was a cheeky fuck from the start!
She massively took advantage of you.

Figgygal · 31/12/2022 08:32

Shes abused your grief for years she is no friend.
I'd get your husband to deal with her, get your stuff back and block her
Despicable

Thoughtful2355 · 31/12/2022 08:33

Firstly get your stuff back. Its stealing, secondly hand the property over to an estate agent and rent it properly at market rate.

mumda · 31/12/2022 08:35

Asking for eight year old electricals back is pointless. They'll break sooner or later.let her think she's 'won' and get the locks changed.
Some battles are worth fighting this isn't one.
Let her go.
You can change locks yourself..do it today.

Twiglets1 · 31/12/2022 08:35

Wow, your friend is a total cf.
You were extremely generous only charging her £100, even £600 is less than she will have to pay someone else. At least you do have the house back though, I would sell it and put this toxic friendship behind you.

Alreadyxmas · 31/12/2022 08:36

Wow I'm in shock, did she think she was going to live basically rent free forever? Tell her you want the stolen items back/replaced.

Eddielizzard · 31/12/2022 08:38

Wow she's taken huge advantage of your generosity. However since you haven't done the legal bit, and I understand why, I would let this go. Thank god she's out. She is a massive CF, but you're in a vulnerable position here. What a sad situation.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 31/12/2022 08:39

She's behaved appallingly but as you chose to let the property illegally, then you don't really have much comeback here.

Calling the police is pointless - they won't be interested in someone taking 8 year old white goods from a house they were living in for the best part of a decade - the same applies to the other furniture.

You also have no proof of what was in the house, nor do you have proof that it was yours or that it was in decent condition. It's your word against hers at the end of the day.

Honestly, as badly as she's behaved, she's done you a massive favour. You can now clean the place up, sell it and move on without worrying about evicting her or taking her to court.

Count your lucky stars she didn't refuse to move out and that your don't have to pay thousands in fees!

Billslills · 31/12/2022 08:43

NoDairyNoProblem · 30/12/2022 23:27

CF = Cheeky Fucker

Show quote history

This whole time I thought it was shortened
for something much worse… 😂🫣

hello94 · 31/12/2022 08:44

I wouldn't even engage with her. She could bring it all back damaged and it will just mean more work for you. Change the locks ASAP. Karma will come for her soon enough

saleorbouy · 31/12/2022 08:46

Going back your CF friends habits I'd also check that all the utilitie bills and property taxes are fully up to date.
As you are the owner and there is no tenancy agreement you will he lumbered with these debts too.
I would send a written detailed, itemised request for all missing items with a date for return before you proceed with a more official route for the return of stolen property.
The mess and wear and tear on the property are unfortunately normal after letting out.

Original poster
PandorasBoxers · 31/12/2022 08:52

Thank you so much for all of your replies and advice.

To be clear I did report my income to HMRC and I covered buildings insurance. However I did not do any safety checks, I only fixed things when they went wrong.

I didn’t even think about a tenancy agreement. I can see how stupid I’ve been and that she really did me a massive favour for moving out. I didn’t even imagine her not leaving or not paying the increased rent.

she was previously friends with DB and had said that being in his house meant she felt close to him. She’s annoyed me a few times by saying his ghost was happy she was living there.

I also feel really dumb because I was renting before I met now DH and my market rent was way more!

But DB was diagnosed with cancer and went downhill quickly so no one in the family were really in their right minds to think things through properly and make better decisions.

DB was so kind to set me up and give me his home. I just saw it as a costly burden whilst grieving and I weirdly saw it as bad luck because he had a fall there and after that was diagnosed.

I also wanted to say I’m not pregnant and working 2 jobs because I’m completely unprepared for the baby. I just kept my student job on even when I got my full time job. I really normally am not this daft and usually am very good with finding bargains and saving money.

OP posts:
Original poster
PandorasBoxers · 31/12/2022 08:57

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/12/2022 08:18

Based on your updated:

you’ve not paid tax
youve not protected her deposit
you have none of the safely stuff you need to be a landlord

grief or not, you’ve been acting illegally for the last 6 years

Sorry I meant to add that she didn’t pay a deposit.

I have been declaring it as anything over £1000 pa you need to, however after paying bills and fees I didn’t have to pay tax (which also benefited me as it was easy)

OP posts:
Bleachmycloths · 31/12/2022 09:00

I am very sorry for your loss and I think your friend took advantage of your grief.

I doubt you will get your stuff back. Some people always take advantage of kindness because they see it as weakness.
I would let as many people as possible know what she’s done, especially friends or acquaintances you have in common.

Put it on Facebook with photos, without mentioning her name. (Is this allowed? 😊. I don’t do social media)
Shame her.
I think she’s pissed off and bitter about losing an incredible deal. She couldn’t possibly have expected this to be long term, could she?

Bleachmycloths · 31/12/2022 09:03

PandorasBoxers · 31/12/2022 08:57

Sorry I meant to add that she didn’t pay a deposit.

I have been declaring it as anything over £1000 pa you need to, however after paying bills and fees I didn’t have to pay tax (which also benefited me as it was easy)

Show quote history

Dear OP. You have replied to that nasty little post very politely! Well done. 🌺

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/12/2022 09:03

UniversalAunt · 31/12/2022 08:17

@Mummyoflittledragon your posts are interesting.

Would you consider doing a ‘I’m a landlord, AMA’ ?

Thank you for the compliment. I really don’t know anywhere near as much as some posters on here tbh. I think it would be unwise as I may be asked questions I don’t know the answers to and wouldn’t want to mislead people. I use letting agents and a solicitor the only time I unfortunately had to evict a non paying alcoholic tenant.

Coooosd · 31/12/2022 09:08

Op if you are planning on selling your brothers house, despite how awful she is for taking those items, she's actually done you a favour.

The hassle of trying to sell things on marketplace or disposing of them is time consuming and expensive.

So if you were not planning on keeping any of those items for yourself I would just begrudgingly let it go.

Text her to say you're disappointed she took them without asking though.

AliceOlive · 31/12/2022 09:11

iamthesparrow · 30/12/2022 22:20

I'd tell her to put your fridge/furniture etc back within 48hrs or you're calling the police and reporting it as a theft.

This. She has used you terribly snd has now stolen from you and vandalized your property,

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 31/12/2022 09:17

lemonybiscuits · 30/12/2022 22:20

She sounds unpleasant and has obviously left you a bit of work in clearing the house and expense with getting rid of her stuff. Not to mention the presumably lost friendship after you'd helped her out with really cheap rent. However the way I'd look at it is, she is out of the house and you can now rent it out for the standard market rate. She could have stayed in the property and really messed you about for months and you could have needed to evict her.

This. Block and move on. As horrible as it is to end things like this she could have refused to move out and caused you more hassle.

I know it is a cost but change the locks, then market it for sale or rent at market rate.

I'm sorry for the loss of your DB.

Pipsquiggle · 31/12/2022 09:24

I am sorry about your brother.

I am assuming the mortgage on the house is paid off?

From you updates, I think how this has turned out, might in the long run be to your advantage.

This person has taken complete advantage of your grief and has paid a pittance of a rent.
You didn't do the right thing, as all the legal requirements were not officially met. Tax was paid, I am hoping she paid the utilities.

Her leaving although hurtful, has probably done you a favour. I would write off the white goods as gone. 8 year old white goods will not be worth a lot

You now need to decide whether to let the property or sell it.

To let the property do it through a letting agency. Get your property up to code. This will probably cost thousands to do but once you've done it, the house will bring in a long-term income. You will have head aches if you get shit tenants though. There are probably loads of helpful threads about becoming an accidental landlord

Sell it - just spruce it up. You get a one off lump sum.

Good luck

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