For my arguing with my MIL on Christmas Day?

[MamaCathy73]

Hi everyone,

My DC came out as non-binary last year and now asks that they be referred to by they/them pronouns. I do not think this is a big deal, and so I happily oblige even if I do not fully understand. My MIL is a strong Christian, and despite knowing that DC does not want to be referred to as he/him, does it anyway. She often says things like "gender is what's in your pants, not your brain", amongst other clichés. On Christmas Day, she was particularly bad, and she was clearly going out of her way to invalidate DC's gender identity as much as possible. After I corrected her (because DC was visibly uncomfortable), she began to rant about how much he hates Stonewall and this "transing" business right in front of them. This did not sit right with me at all, so I got very angry with her (lots of expletives). Anyway, DH did not like how I reacted, saying that I ruined Christmas, and that I shouldn't have spoken to his mother like that. I see his point, but I am upset that he didn't want to defend our child from MIL.

Interested to know how others would have reacted in that situation.

Even though I think the MIL was way outta line I am also in the 'gender critical' camp.
I'm for civilized debate, not mocking goading & deriding

Of course she can have her opinions… Some people think following a religion is stupid. Or that eating meat is disgusting. But that doesn’t mean you can be rude to an individual who isn’t voluntarily engaging in a discussion about the issue.

MIL was being awful. Her opinion on gender is irrelevant, she was purposely upsetting her grandchild. I wouldn’t have sworn but I would probably have kicked her out 🤷‍♀️.

Sounds like MIL actively went out of her way to pick a fight with your DC on Christmas Day, making her the one in the wrong.

It would be different if she'd accidentally slipped up a few times - but she went out of her way to make hurtful comments.

People always know when you've made a genuine mistake, and when you're trying to taunt them.

It was neither opinion nor discrimination 'spouted' by grandma. Facts. Possibly tactlessly expressed & a tad unChristmassy to pick the fight over the turkey.

I'm mostly here to learn more about the suppression of Anglo Saxon swearing by the Normans, though. Can we have some etymology to back this up, please?

I like to discourage my dc from swearing horribly fluently in several languages. I'm well up for blaming it all on the French 🤣🤣🤣

Mil was spoiling for a fight and you all know it!

It wasn't necessary on Christmas day, or any other day. She clearly had nothing nice to say so she should have kept her comments to herself.

Well done for sticking up for your child, OP.

Also, so many people having a very difficult time telling the difference between sex and gender and knowing that gender dysphoria is a real thing.

You might want to do some reading up on this.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/#:~:text=Gender%20dysphoria%20is%20a%20term,harmful%20impact%20on%20daily%20life.

Trying not to type something that will get me accused of something that rhymes with droll bunting.

She was wrong to rant about trans people but you were equally wrong to get angry and swear.
FWIW I totally agree with her, but I am a trans sceptic feminist.

I still wouldn't rant in front of children who have been influenced by fashionable trends and are in a confused state.

I'm 60% with your DH here as you should have shown more restraint in public. A quiet word in grandmas ear later would have been appropriate

My mother taught memto ignore anything before but, as it's essentially worthless buffer so excuse me if I totally ignore any posts that start with a version of 'I am as GC as they come, but...'

By mother I mean the parent who birthed me, just for those who seem unable to identify sex without a genital check.

Also, so many people having a very difficult time telling the difference between sex and gender and knowing that gender dysphoria is a real thing.

@NRCOA If that is the case (i.e. being trans has nothing to do with biological sex, as we are told often) why the need for cross sex hormones/surgery at all?

I completely understand the 'old fashioned' description of gender dysphoria, a very rare condition, where someone believes they are/wants to actually be the opposite sex, hence why in some cases surgery/hormones were thought to be helpful, though not for many.

But with the recent rhetoric attempting to frame this as a far more common and almost mystical feeling of being a 'woman' etc. I can't quite understand why it always seems to involve attempting to mimic the biological sex of what they want to be. And, even more offensively, conforming to some bizarre and rigid gender stereotypes that they seem to want to imply are a spiritual and inherent state of being a certain sex, and not just personal likes/dislikes.