Men in women’s spaces

[BrightSaturn]

Just using this to rant really…

2 times in the past month I have encountered men in women only spaces.

1. I went to a feeding room to breastfeed my daughter in a shopping centre. I walked in and there were two young women in there changing their babies and one of their boyfriends just taking up one of the only chairs just sitting there, sitting using his phone. It’s a small room with 3 chairs in. I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’ll just sit down and get ready slowly and hopefully they’ll leave. I have fed in public but this was a small room so I felt vulnerable and like he shouldn’t be there and I didn’t want to lift my top up whilst he was sitting basically opposite me so I eventually asked if he could leave the room, they looked annoyed but thankfully he did go, after she looked at him and said “it’s up to you”…
2. I went into a changing room in a shop the other day with my mum, imagine a big room with seats in the middle and curtained dividers all round the outside. My mum was only trying on cardigans so really she just needed a mirror but in the middle on a seat was a boy about 17/18 years old. His girlfriend was trying on clothes. I couldn’t believe it! It wasn’t even doors on the changing rooms, just curtains. Why he thought this was acceptable I have no idea. Again I felt vulnerable and this time I didn’t have the confidence to ask him to leave. If my mum had been actually changing I would have probably found a shop assistant but still it’s not fair that we have to ask them to leave, he should not have been there in the first place!

aibu to think women’s spaces are being invaded more and more? How can we stop this from happening?

[NYNewYou]

I agree with the pp. it's so exhausting to be a woman and I often question why it's so hard especially to be told by other woman that their "hubby's" change nappies so therefore should have access to a space where women who want privacy away from men only to be surrounded by men again. Those lovely hubby's should campaign to have these spaces in their own toilets. If you want your hubby to feel being a parent maybe they should start by campaigning and stop relying on women for once?

Believe me I and many women would be thrilled to live in a world without men gazing and comfortably be able to feed our babies outside instead of going into these tiny airless rooms. Even when I want privacy, I would rather be outside but can't due to being uncomfortable again because of men but then comes a man because he wants to bottle feed his baby when he has millions of other places to feed his child, hell I've even seen babies being bottle fed in a queue to pay parking but for me it's either that room or home but who cares as long as someone's hubby gets to play daddy who gives a shit about me!

[OMG12]

@NYNewYou

I agree with the pp. it's so exhausting to be a woman and I often question why it's so hard especially to be told by other woman that their "hubby's" change nappies so therefore should have access to a space where women who want privacy away from men only to be surrounded by men again. Those lovely hubby's should campaign to have these spaces in their own toilets. If you want your hubby to feel being a parent maybe they should start by campaigning and stop relying on women for once?

Believe me I and many women would be thrilled to live in a world without men gazing and comfortably be able to feed our babies outside instead of going into these tiny airless rooms. Even when I want privacy, I would rather be outside but can't due to being uncomfortable again because of men but then comes a man because he wants to bottle feed his baby when he has millions of other places to feed his child, hell I've even seen babies being bottle fed in a queue to pay parking but for me it's either that room or home but who cares as long as someone's hubby gets to play daddy who gives a shit about me!

I agree it would be much more helpful to have changing facilities in mens toilets. However, in the meantime babies still need changing and feeding. Not all formula fed babies can be fed in a queue, if they suffer from reflux they will probably need to be fed sat up which is difficult to do when standing. There needs to be a clean space to sort the bottles out, mix formula etc. “Hubby” (awful term) aren’t “playing Daddy”, they are Daddy. Formula fed babies have their own needs which are often met by a clean, quiet space. My husband took our son out a lot by himself when he was v young as I was quite ill. He often relied on the advice of other parents. My friends wife died in childbirth, he needed the same support etc. it’s a bit disingenuous to say men are playing at parenting. Many men are excellent and responsible parents

Men doing their share of parenting is the norm these days. Babies shouldn’t be fed in toilets, regardless of the feeding parent. Feeding rooms need to be available for all. Maybe the answer would be curtained areas for those wanting privacy and I’ve seen these in a couple of parent rooms.

[atoxk]

Women, majority have us have felt intimidated as a single lady alone at some point. We still tell our teenage girls to not go anywhere alone in the dark. So surely we can have some respect for women needing a safe space to feed their babies. They /we can feed anywhere legally, but maybe these rooms are needed for safety, and confidence, that we can all understand and just keep men away. Having a baby doesn't make 'YOU' the only person that matters. Some women will have never had a safe place their entire life. We need to protect them xx

[DdraigGoch]

@YouSetTheTone

I agree @5128gap . Just like we’ll never see men campaigning for the safety of all men in single sex loos regardless of how they identify. There are never any ardent groups of men waving Pride flags and exhorting other men to ‘be kind’ and to think of women as well as gender non-conforming men. No men saying ‘it’s shit that we expect women to have to accommodate men in the areas that make them feel unsafe - what can WE do as men to make sure our loos are safe for TW?’
Strange how there are no men campaigning anywhere for equal pay, equal access to childcare changing facilities, for safety in male loos, for basically ANYTHING that helps women or vulnerable members of society.
And yet women get slapped around the face by other women for not having the temerity to think of men ALL the time. We constantly have to put everyone else first. No wonder these battles are so exhausting - even just campaigning for basic things for women (a breastfeeding space) gets hijacked by demands to think about pretty much everybody except a breastfeeding mother.

I'm yet to see any evidence that the majority of men's toilets aren't safe for TW.

[Clymene]

@OMG12

And yet men - who are responsible for the vast majority of public space design don't build facilities for men to feed and change their babies. They don't campaign for it.

And somehow that's women's problem? No.

[OMG12]

@Clymene

@OMG12

And yet men - who are responsible for the vast majority of public space design don't build facilities for men to feed and change their babies. They don't campaign for it.

And somehow that's women's problem? No.

A shop/other commercial enterprise is only going to give over limited space to areas which do not increase profit. The majority of women who breast feed don’t have issues with breast feeding in a quiet public place and do so often in cafes etc. it’s a numbers game as with any commercial situation. Do the numbers of men feeding their children outweigh the numbers of women who don’t feel comfortable with men anywhere near them breast feeding? As I said, theres probably a compromise to be found by creating a curtained off area in parent rooms for women who want them. It’s a very different situation to changing rooms where women are often in a state of undress.

[OMG12]

Do is a mum welcome to bring her child into a “breastfeeding room” to formula feed her child?

[5128gap]

Part of being an excellent and responsible parent is campaigning for the things you need to make your child comfortable; without sacrificing the future dignity, safety and privacy of your daughters, and by leading by example to your sons.

[Clymene]

@OMG12

Do is a mum welcome to bring her child into a “breastfeeding room” to formula feed her child?

Not really no. The only point of having private areas is because you get your tits out.

If someone - of either sex - wants a quiet place to feed a bottle fed baby, that's a different need.

As I said way down the thread, I've never seen a place with a dedicated breastfeeding room which didn't also have a changing table elsewhere.

[JusteanBiscuits]

@Furries

Please tell me if I’m being monumentally thick here - I don’t have kids, so it’s possible.

I always thought that nowadays, if bottle-feeding, that you get everything made up before heading out - so that you have everything with you ready to go. Am I wrong? Do you have to find some special place to prepare said bottle? Because, if so, shit needs to change - how on earth do mums cope with finding a secret place to prepare said bottles?

Weirdly, I don’t think I’m wrong. Am going to guess that, if you pack and head out with a bottle, that you don’t need a special place to administer it.

Because life isn't always that simple.

[JusteanBiscuits]

As I have said before. If women kept their opinions on how a child is fed to themselves and didn't insist on lecturing new mothers, maybe I wouldn't have needed my husband's support in a feeding room.

[OMG12]

@Clymene

Not really no. The only point of having private areas is because you get your tits out.

If someone - of either sex - wants a quiet place to feed a bottle fed baby, that's a different need.

As I said way down the thread, I've never seen a place with a dedicated breastfeeding room which didn't also have a changing table elsewhere.

do you think commercial spaces should cater in separate areas for women who breast feed, a separate area for women who want to bottle feed, a separate area for men who want to bottle feed, a separate changing area for men and women to change their babies. Where is the actual commercial business supposed to be done? Or are breast feeding mothers the only people who deserve special places to feed? This reminds me of when my child was a baby and breast feeding mothers always considered their life to be so much harder and the failures of bottle feeders should be held out for all to see for choosing the “easy route” this isn’t about womens safe spaces for you it’s about a space that you can control to your exact specifications.

[OMG12]

Oh and outer John Lewis has a parent room for feeding and changing

[inpixiehollow]

Was it specifically a baby feeding room or a parent room? I know my city's shopping centre has parent rooms with curtained booths, a bottle warmer, sinks, changing tables, a playpen etc to be accessed by anybody who needs to use it. He probably shouldn't have been sat on one of the chairs though, especially if there was women waiting to sit and feed their babies.

[Clymene]

Yea, breastfeeding mothers are the only people who need somewhere special to feed.

It's not about controlling, it's about the fact that we get our tits out. I'm sorry you have such a chip on your shoulder about bottle feeding but that's not the fault of women who are able to breastfeed.

[OMG12]

@Furries you do realise you feed a baby with a bottle not administer it don’t you? You’re one of those “bottle feeding parents are lazy, formula is evil” types aren’t you?

And bottle feeding isn’t always that simple, breast feeding if you can is often the easiest option. Life doesn’t always go to plan. So areas to prepare and feed a baby by bottle are needed probably more so than breast feeding which is east and can be done on the go, surely the mum can prepare with an easy access top, wrap a shawl round and just sit on a random wall, seen loads of mums do that.

once again this thread is nothing about women but the feeling of superiority some women have due to their luck )and it is luck) they are fortunate enough to be able to breast feed.

[Furries]

@OMG12 - blimey, weird assumption to make about my views on how babies are fed. That has told me quite a lot.

[OMG12]

@Furries

@OMG12 - blimey, weird assumption to make about my views on how babies are fed. That has told me quite a lot.

Lol- not nearly as much as your claim that you “administer” formula milk. You do realise you that formula milk is something you feed, not a drug you administer lol. I hope you’re not one of those weirdos who think formula is some kind of inferior way of feeding you mr baby.

[Furries]

@OMG12 - keep going. Any other made-up views you want to attribute to me? You are doing a good job of exposing your real argument further.

[Nanny0gg]

@BrightSaturn

Yes, a women’s changing room is women only.

a room where women who don’t feel comfortable breastfeeding in public go to feed their child, I don’t think that needs a sign really, when would a man need to be there? If nothing else men shouldn’t be taking up the seats.

How about a man bottle feeding his baby? Sometimes they need quiet

[OMG12]

@Furries

@OMG12 - keep going. Any other made-up views you want to attribute to me? You are doing a good job of exposing your real argument further.

No I’ll just keep quoting your “administer” regarding bottle feeding, no need to make anything up, the writing is on the wall regarding your views. Any balanced person would say feed💚.

so let’s hear it. Why did you use the word administer rather than feed. Do you agree that bottle feeding is an equally ok way to feed a baby and a bottle feeding parent is doing just as outstanding job of feeding their baby as a breast feeding mum and no distinction should be made in levels of support and validation between the two?

[Furries]

@OMG12 - right, so you’ve deduced all of that from one word? It was early in the morning and I was posting quickly. Nothing more, nothing less.

Quite how you’ve extrapolated from that one word that I have strong views, I really don’t know. If your comprehension skills were better, you might understand why I’m a bit perplexed as to why you think I’d have on opinion such as bottle-feeding is evil 🤦🏻‍♀️

To any mums I may have offended with the use of that word, I apologise. FWIW, my view (if I have one at all) is that every mum is right with regards to how they choose to feed their baby.

However, I do think that breastfeeding women should have the privacy to do so without men being present. So, shoot me!

[OMG12]

@Furries

@OMG12 - right, so you’ve deduced all of that from one word? It was early in the morning and I was posting quickly. Nothing more, nothing less.

Quite how you’ve extrapolated from that one word that I have strong views, I really don’t know. If your comprehension skills were better, you might understand why I’m a bit perplexed as to why you think I’d have on opinion such as bottle-feeding is evil 🤦🏻‍♀️

To any mums I may have offended with the use of that word, I apologise. FWIW, my view (if I have one at all) is that every mum is right with regards to how they choose to feed their baby.

However, I do think that breastfeeding women should have the privacy to do so without men being present. So, shoot me!

Lol. Well recovered with “I was tired” so easy to confuse administer and feed.

Right off to feed myself my pill and administer my lunch.

[Furries]

@OMG12 - seriously, you are really showing yourself up now. I’m not derailing this discussion any further by arguing with you.

Once again, for the benefit of slightly more rational people on this thread, my view is that men should fuck off out of spaces where women need privacy. Weirdly, I think one of those spaces is where women are breastfeeding.

[OMG12]

@Furries

@OMG12 - seriously, you are really showing yourself up now. I’m not derailing this discussion any further by arguing with you.

Once again, for the benefit of slightly more rational people on this thread, my view is that men should fuck off out of spaces where women need privacy. Weirdly, I think one of those spaces is where women are breastfeeding.

Oh I’m not arguing with you I’m laughing. Basically you state women who bottle feed are “administering” formula then try and weasel out of it when challenged by saying you’re “tired” people like you are toxic to women bottle feeding. Hope you learn to use words carefully next time they can be damaging. Not treating bottle feeding as equal to formula feeding can severely damage womens mental health. Excluding bottle feeding mothers from these areas could harm a woman’s mental health by stating breast feeding mothers deserve somewhere quiet, not formula feeding parents.