Men in women’s spaces

[BrightSaturn]

Just using this to rant really…

2 times in the past month I have encountered men in women only spaces.

1. I went to a feeding room to breastfeed my daughter in a shopping centre. I walked in and there were two young women in there changing their babies and one of their boyfriends just taking up one of the only chairs just sitting there, sitting using his phone. It’s a small room with 3 chairs in. I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’ll just sit down and get ready slowly and hopefully they’ll leave. I have fed in public but this was a small room so I felt vulnerable and like he shouldn’t be there and I didn’t want to lift my top up whilst he was sitting basically opposite me so I eventually asked if he could leave the room, they looked annoyed but thankfully he did go, after she looked at him and said “it’s up to you”…
2. I went into a changing room in a shop the other day with my mum, imagine a big room with seats in the middle and curtained dividers all round the outside. My mum was only trying on cardigans so really she just needed a mirror but in the middle on a seat was a boy about 17/18 years old. His girlfriend was trying on clothes. I couldn’t believe it! It wasn’t even doors on the changing rooms, just curtains. Why he thought this was acceptable I have no idea. Again I felt vulnerable and this time I didn’t have the confidence to ask him to leave. If my mum had been actually changing I would have probably found a shop assistant but still it’s not fair that we have to ask them to leave, he should not have been there in the first place!

aibu to think women’s spaces are being invaded more and more? How can we stop this from happening?

So my quite poorly baby, who vomited at least 3/4 of every feed quite spectacularly, shouldn't have been allowed in a feeding room? (for the record, I have never seen one actually labelled "breastfeeding room", only feeding or parents room). Or rather, I should have put up with the mothers who obviously knew a lot more than the many consultants involved in his care??? Or should we just never have left home? I breast fed my other child and used feeding rooms then too - mainly as he was a nosey sod from day one who needed the relative peace and quiet of a feeding room!

Like you, people should think before they speak. I can quite imagine you are one of those types to criticise new struggling mothers.

It's a feeding room not a woman's room. Are fathers not allowed to feed their babies now?

Congratulations making men the victim from;

'one of their boyfriends just taking up one of the only chairs just sitting there, sitting using his phone.''

@OMG12 - you really are making shit up now. Where on earth have I said that bottle-feeding mothers should be excluded? For clarity, any reference to bottle-feeding has been meant in relation to men bottle-feeding in spaces that should have privacy for women who are breastfeeding.

Stop trying to create an argument that isn’t there.

Also, I’m assuming that’s an error in your post - but I understand that you’ve typed it quickly and in (misplaced) anger. But I won’t use a small error to bash you constantly with in latter posts on this thread.

No, because it's a room for breastfeeding mothers to give them privacy. I don't want your husband staring at my tits thanks.

Why do you think someone else’s husband would be so interested in your chest?

Well if we all know one thing about men, it's that men with partners aren't obsessively interested in the chest of any and all women.

Its all about the men! Nothing to do with women wanting privacy.

Why do you think someone else’s husband would be so interested in your chest?

oh come on. You can't be serious? Other people's husbands look at women's breasts all.the.time.

There's at least one thread per day here on MN telling us this ....

Oh I’m 100% serious, if your husband is one of the ones leering over a breastfeeding mothers “tits” as PP so nicely put it, then maybe he’s the problem!

Why would your husband want to be in a room where a woman is privately breastfeeding. These rooms are made for mothers who need privacy. Where I live there is a private breast feeding cubicle for them.

Like cat calling, leering, and all that other nuisance behaviour, the men who do this are usually someone's husband. But as the cliche goes, their wife is usually the last to know.

My partner is very respectful of women he has never had the urge to go into a mother and baby room.

He wouldn’t want to be, but write a catty comment and get one back.
tragically this thread keeps missing a vital point. It’s not a breastfeeding room, it’s a feeding room as OP referenced. A father has every right to be there if he’s feeding his baby.
If he walked into a breastfeeding room or womens change or toilets it’s different isn’t it. But he’s somewhere he’s entitled to be, dare I say I’d love for my husband to go and feed our baby in a clean quiet space while we’re shopping so I could mooch around or have a coffee

“dare I say I’d love for my husband to go and feed our baby in a clean quiet space while we’re shopping so I could mooch around or have a coffee”

I would rather leave baby and dh at home in comfort if I was out shopping and drinking coffee.

‘it’s shit that we expect women to have to accommodate men in the areas that make them feel unsafe - what can WE do as men to make sure our loos are safe for TW?’

I’d love to see the stats on assault on Trans ‘women’ inside male loos in the UK. I’m pretty sure it’ll be tiny.

Unthread I did say I wouldn’t ask a man feeding his child to leave.

however, I do think a woman breastfeeding takes priority in this situation. I am happy to have differing views on this though.

Exactly this.

I would love to see the stats too as there seems to be some mismatch between the presentation that it’s extremely unsafe to be a TW in male loos and actual stats/ news reports.

But even so - women are both flagellating themselves and being flagellated by society at large (metaphorically) over this issue. Whereas there’s a deafening silence from men. You know- the people in question who are ‘making the loos unsafe’. No male campaigners sneering at ‘mean men’ who make it sooo hard for gender non-conforming men.
None. Nada. Zip.

It’s women who are the bitches for questioning why men should be allowed into their single sex spaces. No scrutiny placed on the people being judged as making the male spaces unsafe.

(The only men making a noise of course are the ones who want to use women’s spaces without any care at all about how women may feel about it.)

Not everything is about TW in male loos. Regarding nappy changing/feeding facilities it is pretty clear many women want men to have access to the facilities so they can share childcare. TW have nothing to do with it.

Feeding rooms aren't women's spaces.

Mixed-sex changing rooms aren't women's spaces.

HTH.

Unsurprised to see this thread is still running.

There are changing facilities in many accessible lavatory facilities - whether this is right or wrong and taking these spaces from the disabled who need them is an alternative question - it now seems to be commonly adopted practice.

Feeding facilities are far less widely available.

Were this country not so ridiculously coy and censorious about breastfeeding, and so ready, willing and able to condemn women for practically everything we do, seeing us culpable for all social ills or wank-fodder on display to titillate the urges of men, they wouldn't have been so necessary in the first place.

Given I have zero respect for misogynistic attitudes like these, I exercised my legal rights and breastfed in public. The only time I received a cross look or a word was ironically when I was in a more private space, my car, when a woman came right up to my window, stared down at me and scowled her disapproval. Out and about in public I received no reaction whatsoever, which is what normally tends to happen if you're not looking for one.

Not every woman is comfortable with this. These spaces are for them. Personally, I'd feel far safer and more comfortable breastfeeding in a cafeteria in the full gaze (therefore protection) of the public, than feeding in an enclosed space with the sort of man who thought it was his place, his right, and his absolute entitlement to encroach on such a place.

As my husband previously stated, the kinds of men agitating to be in women's spaces are precisely the kinds of men who have the least business to be anywhere near them.

And yes. Women's lavatory facilities and women's changing rooms are WOMEN's spaces.

Women's lavatory facilities and women's changing rooms are WOMEN's spaces.

Cool. OP was not in a women's lavatory or a women's changing room.

I suspect that it used to be a women's changing room, but was later opened to all comers.

Well no actually, the OP described it as a feeding room.