Golf holiday after baby is born

[Scaryfuryanimal]

We are expecting our second baby in 6 weeks time with our first is just over 18 months old. 6 weeks after our baby is due my husband has a planned golf week away abroad with his friends which was booked before we found out we were pregnant. Instead of cancelling he is still planning on going and avoids talking about it just saying I will be fine and will cope while he is away. I don’t have much family support and when he has been of numerous golf weekends, stag doos and long weekends with the lads in the last 18 months I have felt easily overwhelmed which is exasperated by the fact our toddler doesn’t sleep. I want to ask him not to go but at the same time feel bad stopping him but I know I won’t be able to cope with a new baby and toddler for such a long period just so he can have a jolly with the boys. He doesn’t see it from my perspective or part of me thinks he doesn’t care and worries more on missing out. My fiends are perplexed on why he is still going and can’t just wait for the next uk golf break away in the UK which would be a few months later I presume. I know it’s important for people to have there own time but I feel his looking at his needs before mine and the kids and the fact I could still be establishing feeding and recovering. Should I put my foot down which isn’t really me but if he goes I know I might loose the plot a bit.

Why is it that MN is supposed to be a place where people ask for opinions, and other posters give their opinions. But as soon as some people have a difference in opinion, other people jump on them with sarky comments. I swear I thought people were entitled to have their own opinions on here.

I haven’t read the thread but absolutely not @Scaryfuryanimal . You will need help. I have a 3 month old and a toddler. Could I cope with the baby alone at 6 weeks? Sure because I was lucky I had an ok birth (this time round - first time was awful)

but I could not cope with the absolutely enraged and distraught toddler whose world had been turned upside down and was a bloody nightmare. And not both together.

@DecafTeaPlease theres a huge difference between ‘getting on with it and coping’ and that being necessary. I’m actually a military spouse and have done months and months of solo parenting. With all ages, newborn - toddler. I coped. But it was hard work, but I did it because there was a reason. A job is a legitimate reason. A fucking golf holiday is not a legitimate reason. So it’s irrelevant if she can or would cope, she shouldn’t have to if she doesn’t want to.

I don't think the OP would do that as she sounds like a responsible and dedicated parent to her little ones unlike the partner...and two wrongs don't make a right.

Did you actually have a child in the house for this batch cooking

I agree with so many of these comments you are definitely not being unreasonable. As some of the other comments suggest you really do not know how you will recover after birth & adjusting to 2 children. Just show him the results of this survey 84% currently do not think your being unreasonable. Weve just had our 2nd DC & my DH went away 4 times but we’re heading for a divorce!! X

@Forthelast I after feel like loaning my child to people. I guarantee no one is doing batch cooking with her as a toddler and a newborn. Unless everyone wants 3rd degree burns and terrible food.

The very idea of it with a new born and a toddler. Stealth boasting at it's finest!

I agree, @Forthelast and @MrsTerryPratchett - not just batch cooking but catching up on tv, going for walks and meeting a friend for coffee! All this while on your own with a newborn and a toddler! I could barely brush my hair 😞

The few people that would ok with it.
Happy many holidays would be too many?

HOW Many*

No way on earth my husband would have gone at that point. Not a chance. He wouldn’t have dreamt of it either.

OP please come back and tell us what you have said to him. I hope that you have put your foot down.

Please do not feel bad about wanting him to not go. He is being selfish. Not only are you going to be exhausted but if there are complications or you end up having a section then you have no idea what you will even be able to manage yourself at this point in time. This is also not something you should be stressing about at 34 weeks pregnant. He needs to stay at home and help parent the children he helped create instead of putting his friends and own selfish needs first.

If he still refuses to stay and help at the time of the trip his passport could go walkies…

its like the yorkeshireman sketch on here sometimes

She isn't a single parent. She has a husband and father of the baby who should be there. And should want to be there

It really is.

I raised 14 children with no legs while my DH was capping oil fires in Kuwait. I found time for a PHD and batch cooking.

ODFOD.

I agree about the competitive "I managed and so should you"

It is pointless and unsupportive, and guess what, everyone is different and copes differently.

Absolutely no way! This is when I don’t see how men and woman are equal, when do you see mums on here asking if they’re being unreasonable to leave DH with 6 week old baby for a week’s holiday? And he’s not even the one birth! And I’m sure that if men were the ones to give birth or have went through a huge op, their female partners wouldn’t be leaving them especially when they’ve expressed anxiety about it! Wtf! So men selfish men and woman who put up with it