To expect them to put the heating on?!

[womanontheedge2022]

DH and I have just got back from 2 nights with our oldest friends. We are as close to them as family for context. We have been absolutely freezing for the entire 48 hours! One of them just refuses to put any heating on. He has form
for this but has got worse. He has always been extremely tight, improved slightly with age but sometimes reverts to type. I get that heating is far from cheap atm but there are no categorically no money issues and it was sub zero, worse than camping. We asked him repeatedly to put heating on, even offered to contribute but he is stubborn and dug his heels in. We nearly went home. His other half is always diplomatic but I'm sure agreed with us! AIBU to expect a bit of heat in December in a draughty old house Mumsnet?!!

Currently sitting with a hoody on and hood up,heated wrap around my neck and under a heated blanket. Heating only just gone on so things will warm.up soon,but I'm afraid being frugal with the heating is reality for many. My 87 year old mother just got a bill for £700 from Bulb! She lives alone so not high usage. Its crazy

🥰💕

An actual reading for a month?

seems excessively high.

How is anyone sweltering in 17/18 degrees? That’s cold! I need my house to be at least 20/21 to feel warm and that includes wearing an oodie and a jumper!

It doesn’t really matter what you all heat your houses at and what your preferences are, the fact is the OP was cold at a friends house where she and her husband were guests and despite repeated requests to have the heating turned up and the offer of a monetary contribution in return it was refused. I think this was very inhospitable and downright rude, OP you did well to stay for the duration, I would excused myself and left early.

@Forestwalks I sure hope you turn the heating up a little when you have guests staying though? 12 degrees isn't very warm!

No. I’d have hated that and probably left.
I used to own a shop. The ‘manager’ insisted on not using the heating. Even though numerous customers commented on how cold the shop was. Any time I was working there I’d have to put the heat on as soon as I arrived.
He was very odd in other ways too. Such as eating nothing but sardines for months on end.

KillingLoneliness · Today 09:27
How is anyone sweltering in 17/18 degrees? That’s cold! I need my house to be at least 20/21 to feel warm and that includes wearing an oodie and a jumper“

Because everyone is different. I used to feel the cold like you when I was younger. After decades of living with husband/kids who feel the heat, though, we reached a compromise at 16 and I have to admit that I’m now perfectly comfortable at that, even with Raynauds. 21 would have me stripping to a t-shirt and opening windows now 😁

Agree with everyone though that 12 is nuts if it’s choice not necessity when you have guests.

18 is perfect for me. More is too warm for overnight and less getting a bit cool during the day but am able to acclimatise to around 15° over winter

If they never have the heating on, that will be their norm and their bodies will have adjusted to feeling comfortable in that temperature. Putting the heating on may be more than just about finances, it might make them feel uncomfortable in their own home.

Personally I'd compromise by having the heating on low, which probably would still make you feel uncomfortably cold, but anything more would make me feel uncomfortably hot. I don't have my heating on either so I do understand it from both points of view.

YANBU, i hate hot homes i can not sleep in a hot bedroom, but if your sitting chatting in a lounge or sitting room below 18, chattering teeth shivering its unbearable, very rude, everyone gets used to what they are comfortable in , i have lovely throws everywhere we sit so if visitors feel cool i tell them to snuggle under one if its not warm enough for them.

12 degrees is unhealthy, the recommended healthy temp depends on the occupants age and health, we're running our heating at various temperatures for different parts of the house, our system controls are comprehensive, our minimum temperature is 16 degrees in bedrooms etc. If our guests were feeling cold then we would increase it, after all they are guests and you want them to be happy and comfortable, especially if they offered to pay🤗

Very well said

I cannot imagine inviting people to stay and then deliberately making them feel uncomfortable.

Just checked the thermometer in our kitchen and it says 20 degrees. When the heating is off it gets a bit damp in our house as it’s old. We do use a dehumidifier but it only takes the chill off and doesn’t make it warm.

Just checked out kitchen humidity and it’s 65% so I think that makes it feel cooler if the heating is not on.

If you know your friends have form for this why on earth did you go and visit in the depths of winter? I think it was really rude of you and your DH to moan about the temperature in somebody else’s home. Go and visit them in the summer next time.

My husband’s just put the dehumidifier on 😂

12 degrees is well below the ideal temperature for humans to endurenon a prolonged basis. Hypothermia can set in at 15 degrees. By all means sit in this if you wish but please don't let others think it's okay. It isn't. It's dangerous.

Can you please quote where I have said 12 degrees is fine and everyone should be fine sitting in that temp? I am struggling to find where I have written this??

I suggest you read the entire thread….

How do you keep the house at 12C in the summer if that’s the temperature you prefer? Do you have air con?

I never said you said it. But saying you are not cold could be misconstrued.

No, I think that the friend was insulting by refusing to consider your needs and when it is that cold then you need some warmth. There is also known health issues with being in such a cold house. And, yes, you should have gone home citing health issues.

I will always ask guests if they are warm enough and will have the house warm anyway. If someone asked me to put the heating on I would do it immediately and also put the fire on for extra heat! Sounds like they can afford it, yes they Abu. X

Again read the whole thread as you will see my posts throughout have said everyone likes different temps - which is fine. Nobody is the same.