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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not lend neighbour my car?

207 replies

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 18:37

Just that really... new neighbours (less than a year), not particularly close (friendly when I first moved in but a series of events has lead to some distance).

Was asked out of the blue if I had comprehensive insurance, and if so could they borrow my car as needed to sort something out at their buy-to-let (defrosting a boiler condenser pipe, so not an emergency!)

Been made to feel a bit mean, though I lied and said I didn't have the insurance.

YABU - Perfectly reasonable to ask an acquaintance if you can borrow their car, and it's mean of them not to say yes

YANBU - No, I wouldn't lend my car to someone (except maybe close family)

There's been a whole series of bonkers behaviour and now genuinely wondering if I was mean not to lend it! (I did offer a lift if needed but had to rescind the offer after 4 hours and still no time for said lift given - was clear I was expected to wait about all day in case offer was taken up!)

OP posts:
angelfacecuti75 · 31/12/2022 01:42

"No sorry my insurance does not cover others driving it and its too big a risk to take, sorry. I can't help you any further with this so please don't keep asking me. "
Repeat ad infinitum.
Cf .

Grrrrdarling · 31/12/2022 02:04

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 18:37

Just that really... new neighbours (less than a year), not particularly close (friendly when I first moved in but a series of events has lead to some distance).

Was asked out of the blue if I had comprehensive insurance, and if so could they borrow my car as needed to sort something out at their buy-to-let (defrosting a boiler condenser pipe, so not an emergency!)

Been made to feel a bit mean, though I lied and said I didn't have the insurance.

YABU - Perfectly reasonable to ask an acquaintance if you can borrow their car, and it's mean of them not to say yes

YANBU - No, I wouldn't lend my car to someone (except maybe close family)

There's been a whole series of bonkers behaviour and now genuinely wondering if I was mean not to lend it! (I did offer a lift if needed but had to rescind the offer after 4 hours and still no time for said lift given - was clear I was expected to wait about all day in case offer was taken up!)

YOU having comprehensive insurance does not insure them to drive your vehicle so for me that would be a fast nope.
I am fully comp & my insurance comes with an extra that allows me to drive other cars, with permission from the owner, but I am only covered TPFT on that vehicle.
You could drive them to the property because believe it or not a frozen pipe on a boiler could be an emergency because it can cause the boiler to 1) stop working & 2) frozen pipes could burst which could flood the property.

Brackensmomma · 31/12/2022 03:21

@Moser85 I don't drive. And only knew about the insurance from watching police interceptors on TV. And seeing them seize the car because people think cos they have insurance fully comp on one car that means they are able to drive any car. 9 out 10 times they can't.
Besides the insurance they only neighbours they were very cheeky to ask.

Op Haa nothing to feel guilty about for saying no. Anyone in the right mind would refuse..
If they were that desperate they could hire a car..

Moser85 · 31/12/2022 04:03

@Brackensmomma
I wasn't saying that she should have let her neighbour or that she should have anything to feel guilty about.

I was saying when my friend borrowed mine she transferred her own insurance to my car, so if she had crashed it then she would have had to claim on her own insurance, in other words there's a way to do it without being a CF about it and risking my insurance.

In regards to people thinking fully comp means they're covered to drive any car, yeah it was standard in the past for someone with fully comp to have 'driving other cars' as standard but they would only provide third party cover on the 'other cars' and 'open driving' (which allows others over 25 with a full licence) to drive your car was common as standard too but now most of the time they are optional extras so a lot of people probably think they're covered because they haven't bothered to check their recent policies!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 31/12/2022 04:07

I have refused to let my sister drive my car, let alone some rando neighbour.

Plainascanbe123 · 31/12/2022 04:25

Wow! How can they even ask you that. That's a serious violation of boundaries to me. They're just a 'neighbour' not flesh and blood. What are they even thinking to ask a question like that. What if they have an accident with your car. Its a definite no.

Plainascanbe123 · 31/12/2022 04:46

I also think you should limit all interactions with them. I just read that you cooked a meal for them and they messaged 5 mins after they were meant to arrive to say their not coming..and the other things they've done seem like they want either to control you or get a reaction. And they wouldn't give you back your own key. They don't sound nice at all. They have serious boundary issues and they view you as a soft touch probably because you're a nice person and you live alone. As neighbours they're way too overbearing so you must keep them at a distance, which means no more favours or giving them any of your time in any way shape or form.

Skodacool · 31/12/2022 07:14

Aprilx · 29/12/2022 18:44

Your neighbour is not insured to drive your car.

This. A lot of people imagine that they’re insured when they’re not. It’s a crime to drive without insurance, or to allow an uninsured person to drive your car and the car would be seized. In any case, they’re cf.

MeandT · 31/12/2022 09:51

Are they american? It's the only place I'm aware of where it's the car that's insured not the person.

And if they can afford to own a buy-to-let, they can afford an Uber to maintain it!

You did the only rational thing.

Millytante · 31/12/2022 10:18

MdNdD · 30/12/2022 21:38

A very British problem. In other countries, the car is insured, regardless of the driver and people lend cars without a second thought.

The problem here isn’t the insurance issue

Millytante · 31/12/2022 10:26

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 20:54

Thanks all, you've made me feel much better!

I'll expand a little for those asking (I'll try and keep a few details vague...) @deflatedbirthday @BoxOfCats @PurplePixies @MaggieFS

We hadn't seen each other in a while, and as I said got on very well when I first moved in so invited them to dinner - they knew what I was cooking as they have complex dietry issues so ran it by them so they knew it was a) a bit of an expensive treat meal and b) it took a few hours to cook. They texted five minutes after they were supposed to arrived to say they were too tired to come and hope I enjoyed the meal!!! (I live alone, it is not something you'd cook for one person)

I lent them a couple of plug in items because they were having issues, they ran them 24/7 for 3 weeks then complained about electricity cost... repeatedly... in a very "you're to blame manner" and kept telling me the amount it had cost in electricity as though they were expecting me to reimburse them!?

I had to have some urgent outdoor work done (to ensure house stayed standing!) Builders were here for 3 days, 9-4 when they were out and I pre-warned everyone and said I would arrange for window cleaning for the whole terrace row afterwards. On the last day of the work, woke up to a bombardment of photos of a dusty lawn, with "devastated" neighbour unable to garden in three days time. I can understand the frustration, except they clearly hadn't finished or tidied up as scaffolding was still up, which neighbour would have known as neighbour had blocked the shared access with garden items not normally stored there!? As in, completely in the way of the poor workman getting the scaffolding out and finishing/tidying up etc! The workman cleaned everything up (as they would always do when finished, they said) including lawn, I asked if it was all ok and if not would go over it again... no answer.

They asked if I could wait in for something for them "sometime this week", I said yes depending on when. Heard nothing all week until 9:30 on the Friday saying it would arrive sometime that day. I explained I wouldn't be in as had a last minute medical appointment and got lambasted as they thought I was "always in everyday" (I work from home) and it would have been nice to know this wasn't the case. Instead redirected to my address at 7am on Saturday morning, destroying my lie in and then got told off for not being in on the Saturday afternoon for them to grab it back.

Lectured and refused to give back my spare key (I'd asked for it back once in the passed month to facilitate friends coming to stay and only have three at the moment due to the door that needs to be replaced) because it seemed like it "wasn't working" to let them have the spare (key safe is on order!)

And the chestnut this week, came to drop off a christmas present (a surprise, as I thought I was persona non grata at this point!) on a day when I was stressed as having difficulties with a company replacing something on the house costing 1000s- all are faulty. Was told I should let it go and just accept things won't be perfect, I said we'd agree to disagree. Next day I received a text suggesting I seek therapy as I shouldn't be getting so stressed about these things?!!?

Dear god, what appalling people! Do all you can to cease any communication now, beyond nodding hello. Absolutely no more favours! New Year’s Resolution, for your own sanity.

poefaced · 31/12/2022 11:42

I’m surprised you offered a lift! What if they took all day to fix the boiler?! Or had other errands?

Next time count to 10 before offering anything!

Nave · 31/12/2022 13:15

I have By Miles comprehensive insurance and am not allowed to add anyone to my insurance. I have worked out that if I wanted to lend it to my son he would have to I sure it under his insurance. It’s a cheek anyway!

KarenandFour · 31/12/2022 14:22

I wouldn’t let anyone use my car, let alone neighbours! Tell them to download Uber!

Isleoftights · 31/12/2022 16:04

Moser85 · Today 00:36
Brackensmomma · Yesterday 18:21

I lent mine to my friend once and she transferred her own insurance to my car temporarily.

Yes, but in the event of an incident, you are then relying on your 'friend' and 'their' insurance company to sort it. You can do nothing. And insurance companies, and their policies differ a lot.

Legoninjago1 · 31/12/2022 16:27

God they sound nuts and yes they are massively gaslighting you! Ignore the idiots. Yadnbu.

Barney60 · 31/12/2022 17:27

Nope i wouldnt lend my car to anyone.

Duchess379 · 31/12/2022 19:17

They need to have comprehensive cover to drive your car. And no, I wouldn't lend my car to an annoying neighbour either.

blubberyboo · 31/12/2022 19:37

They are trying to control you.

there is no need for you to be on any sort of terms with these people other than a casual hello. They definitely don’t need to have your phone number or spare key just because they are your neighbours.

cut them off

Merlin3189 · 31/12/2022 21:04

Absolutely not. Sounds to me as if they've spotted you as a soft touch and are working on your weaknesses to exploit you. Be very chary of them.

Incidentally, my own car is a 13 yr old bottom of the range model. I'd lend it to my best friend if I thought he needed it, but I'm pretty sure he'd never ask - I'd have to come out with the offer, and he'd probably take some persuading to take advantage of it. For lots of other things we lend each other stuff, even give it, but there's a big difference between a lawnmower and even an old car, not to mention the dodgy insurance issue and sorting out the mess if they did have an accident.

I'd probably lend it to most of my close family, even if they asked first, but I've known them for donkey's years, and I do need a new car!

Delandra · 31/12/2022 21:15

Op I just read your updated posts…omfg! Alarm bells are ringing loudly. Your neighbours are behaving one way towards you and another way to other residents in the vicinity. I agree, a ‘renta-son/husband/family scheme’ is a much needed service to provide support to people on their own. The cheeky gets would think twice in making those demands. Also, If you don’t have it already, get a video/audio doorbell.

Kjpt140v · 31/12/2022 23:42

YABU to hubby.

Faith77 · 01/01/2023 04:26

MdNdD · 30/12/2022 21:38

A very British problem. In other countries, the car is insured, regardless of the driver and people lend cars without a second thought.

But this IS Britain, and insurance works differently, so asking to borrow a car in circumstances like this is incredibly rude. Regardless of what is acceptable in other countries, it's not the done thing here. Plus, from what she has described, OP's neighbours are just incredibly rude & entitled, not simply culturally unaware.

Rottweilermummy · 01/01/2023 10:33

YANBU They need to be insured too and they would only be covered 3rd party for your car . I agree re the hire car, what's to stop them getting one? I , like you would offer them lift but as they haven't taken you up on it , can't be important, Another solution (which we do when buying a car) is you can get 1 day fully comp insurance have also used for when a friend had to drive my car.

KettrickenSmiled · 01/01/2023 10:56

Was asked out of the blue if I had comprehensive insurance, and if so could they borrow my car as needed to sort something out at their buy-to-let (defrosting a boiler condenser pipe, so not an emergency!)

Given that you already know this new neighbour has form for unreasonable behaviour/requests, why on EARTH are you wondering if you are mean to say no?

Next time, don't bother with the insurance excuse.
Just look them hard in the eye & say "no".
When they push back, tell them "because I don't want to" - & walk away.

If you give in to this kind of shit, it will never stop.