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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not lend neighbour my car?

207 replies

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 18:37

Just that really... new neighbours (less than a year), not particularly close (friendly when I first moved in but a series of events has lead to some distance).

Was asked out of the blue if I had comprehensive insurance, and if so could they borrow my car as needed to sort something out at their buy-to-let (defrosting a boiler condenser pipe, so not an emergency!)

Been made to feel a bit mean, though I lied and said I didn't have the insurance.

YABU - Perfectly reasonable to ask an acquaintance if you can borrow their car, and it's mean of them not to say yes

YANBU - No, I wouldn't lend my car to someone (except maybe close family)

There's been a whole series of bonkers behaviour and now genuinely wondering if I was mean not to lend it! (I did offer a lift if needed but had to rescind the offer after 4 hours and still no time for said lift given - was clear I was expected to wait about all day in case offer was taken up!)

OP posts:
deflatedbirthday · 29/12/2022 21:03

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 20:54

Thanks all, you've made me feel much better!

I'll expand a little for those asking (I'll try and keep a few details vague...) @deflatedbirthday @BoxOfCats @PurplePixies @MaggieFS

We hadn't seen each other in a while, and as I said got on very well when I first moved in so invited them to dinner - they knew what I was cooking as they have complex dietry issues so ran it by them so they knew it was a) a bit of an expensive treat meal and b) it took a few hours to cook. They texted five minutes after they were supposed to arrived to say they were too tired to come and hope I enjoyed the meal!!! (I live alone, it is not something you'd cook for one person)

I lent them a couple of plug in items because they were having issues, they ran them 24/7 for 3 weeks then complained about electricity cost... repeatedly... in a very "you're to blame manner" and kept telling me the amount it had cost in electricity as though they were expecting me to reimburse them!?

I had to have some urgent outdoor work done (to ensure house stayed standing!) Builders were here for 3 days, 9-4 when they were out and I pre-warned everyone and said I would arrange for window cleaning for the whole terrace row afterwards. On the last day of the work, woke up to a bombardment of photos of a dusty lawn, with "devastated" neighbour unable to garden in three days time. I can understand the frustration, except they clearly hadn't finished or tidied up as scaffolding was still up, which neighbour would have known as neighbour had blocked the shared access with garden items not normally stored there!? As in, completely in the way of the poor workman getting the scaffolding out and finishing/tidying up etc! The workman cleaned everything up (as they would always do when finished, they said) including lawn, I asked if it was all ok and if not would go over it again... no answer.

They asked if I could wait in for something for them "sometime this week", I said yes depending on when. Heard nothing all week until 9:30 on the Friday saying it would arrive sometime that day. I explained I wouldn't be in as had a last minute medical appointment and got lambasted as they thought I was "always in everyday" (I work from home) and it would have been nice to know this wasn't the case. Instead redirected to my address at 7am on Saturday morning, destroying my lie in and then got told off for not being in on the Saturday afternoon for them to grab it back.

Lectured and refused to give back my spare key (I'd asked for it back once in the passed month to facilitate friends coming to stay and only have three at the moment due to the door that needs to be replaced) because it seemed like it "wasn't working" to let them have the spare (key safe is on order!)

And the chestnut this week, came to drop off a christmas present (a surprise, as I thought I was persona non grata at this point!) on a day when I was stressed as having difficulties with a company replacing something on the house costing 1000s- all are faulty. Was told I should let it go and just accept things won't be perfect, I said we'd agree to disagree. Next day I received a text suggesting I seek therapy as I shouldn't be getting so stressed about these things?!!?

Crikey. I don't even know where to start. They are clearly not a full shilling.

Bs0u416d · 29/12/2022 21:04

I cant actually believe anyone would actually ask this. Weird. YANBU.

Nsky62 · 29/12/2022 21:08

No way, hire a car or get taxi

BoxOfCats · 29/12/2022 21:11

Oh my goodness. They sound extremely entitled!!

StarGoddess · 29/12/2022 21:12

I don’t blame you. I once lent my car to a very very close friend who I knew was a very responsible person and She only needed it for a couple hours but the entire time she was gone my heart was pounding and I was out of my mind worrying. I was glad I could help her but after that I never lent it again.

Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:13

@deflatedbirthday Thank you! Feels good to share actually - everyone keeps telling me how lovely and fantastic neighbour is, and I honestly have been wondering if it is me!!

OP posts:
FabFitFifties · 29/12/2022 21:13

No way. You hardly know them,and have had reason to distance yourself. You might see your car on the news identified as a get away vehicle 😂

SirGawain · 29/12/2022 21:16

Comprehensive insurance does not necessarily cover other un-named drivers to drive your car. I recently needed to allow someone else, (a family member), to drive my car in an emergency so I took out day insurance online. My insurance although fully comprehensive did not cover another’s driver.

Soothsayer1 · 29/12/2022 21:16

Was asked out of the blue if I had comprehensive insurance, and if so could they borrow my car as needed to sort something out at their buy-to-let
I see they have framed it so as to imply that if you have comprehensive insurance you would, as a matter of course, accede to their request!

Soothsayer1 · 29/12/2022 21:17

I hope you said
'yes thank you'
and then
'no thank you'

daisychain01 · 29/12/2022 21:17

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 18:37

Just that really... new neighbours (less than a year), not particularly close (friendly when I first moved in but a series of events has lead to some distance).

Was asked out of the blue if I had comprehensive insurance, and if so could they borrow my car as needed to sort something out at their buy-to-let (defrosting a boiler condenser pipe, so not an emergency!)

Been made to feel a bit mean, though I lied and said I didn't have the insurance.

YABU - Perfectly reasonable to ask an acquaintance if you can borrow their car, and it's mean of them not to say yes

YANBU - No, I wouldn't lend my car to someone (except maybe close family)

There's been a whole series of bonkers behaviour and now genuinely wondering if I was mean not to lend it! (I did offer a lift if needed but had to rescind the offer after 4 hours and still no time for said lift given - was clear I was expected to wait about all day in case offer was taken up!)

Just to award you the most successful AIBU 🏅

1114 votes
YANBU = 100%
YABU = 0%

And well done on not being guilt-tripped into passing over your car keys to those CF NDNs, what a bloody nerve they had!

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 29/12/2022 21:18

Funny story-I once knocked on my next door neighbour’s door and asked to borrow her car (friendly but not by any means close) she just went and got the keys before I had finished my sentence and handed them to me.

I only needed a jump start, my battery had died. But it was the fact she didn’t even give me the chance to explain why that still makes me laugh to this day.

OP YANBU, I wouldn’t ever actually borrow a neighbours car to go somewhere, nor would I lend my car to a neighbour.

AdoraBell · 29/12/2022 21:18

YANBU in the least. Also, as a pp mentioned, the insurance is only for you to drive your car.

SqueakyDinosaur · 29/12/2022 21:19

I think this is the first time I've seen a 100% YANBU, certainly with >1000 votes!

They sound like absolute fruitcakes. In your shoes I would grey rock as much as possible, but I would also keep all messages, notes of dates, etc, just in case. Obviously you hope never to get into a formal dispute with them, but you never know.

Soothsayer1 · 29/12/2022 21:20

everyone keeps telling me how lovely and fantastic neighbour is
maybe they are keen to get them off thier backs & hoped you'd take their place as the next victim😬.
Reading your posts it sounds as if they have over time been pushing & testing boundaries to see what they can get away with?

Bestcatmum · 29/12/2022 21:21

I never lend my car. You can hire them by the hour.

berrycakeandcustard · 29/12/2022 21:21

YADNBU. It was kind of you to offer a lift, very sensible of you not to give them your car to drive!

deflatedbirthday · 29/12/2022 21:22

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:13

@deflatedbirthday Thank you! Feels good to share actually - everyone keeps telling me how lovely and fantastic neighbour is, and I honestly have been wondering if it is me!!

Definitely not you! You deserve a bloody medal putting up with those lunatics! 🏅 💐

Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:22

Soothsayer1 · 29/12/2022 21:20

everyone keeps telling me how lovely and fantastic neighbour is
maybe they are keen to get them off thier backs & hoped you'd take their place as the next victim😬.
Reading your posts it sounds as if they have over time been pushing & testing boundaries to see what they can get away with?

I think so, I have done a fair number of favours for them and maybe they just assumed because of that I was a pushover! Lesson learnt I guess!

OP posts:
Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 29/12/2022 21:23

You really need to stop lending them things and offering to do things for them, it’s not going to end well and you are starting to see that they have no respect for you and think you’re a mug.

Just because they are your next door neighbours, doesn’t mean you have to be friends. I would ask for your key back once more and if they don’t give it to you change the locks, and I’d also tell them you are busy on every occasion they ask you to do something or lend them something to them, and when you see them outside just smile and nod and go on your way.

And if they text/ring you tell them you are unavailable/busy, and that what ever they are asking doesn’t work for you. Stop being a push over!

OrangePomander · 29/12/2022 21:24

I wouldn’t even lend dh my car, never mind a neighbour!

MeridianB · 29/12/2022 21:25

Wait, what? They have keys to your house?

Get them back! Or risk them taking your car when they fancy it!

BakedTattie · 29/12/2022 21:27

Your neighbours sound utterly bat shit,
but I think you need to start being more assertive too op.

Bertha21 · 29/12/2022 21:28

They kind of tricked you by asking about the insurance first, didn’t they? You did the right thing. Be careful. Have your boundaries in place. Someone I know vaguely, asked me recently if I was free. When I said no. She said oh that’s a shame I just wanted you to mind my kids as I have an appointment! This person often tried to take more than give. Sounds like your neighbours do this too!

Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:29

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 29/12/2022 21:23

You really need to stop lending them things and offering to do things for them, it’s not going to end well and you are starting to see that they have no respect for you and think you’re a mug.

Just because they are your next door neighbours, doesn’t mean you have to be friends. I would ask for your key back once more and if they don’t give it to you change the locks, and I’d also tell them you are busy on every occasion they ask you to do something or lend them something to them, and when you see them outside just smile and nod and go on your way.

And if they text/ring you tell them you are unavailable/busy, and that what ever they are asking doesn’t work for you. Stop being a push over!

Yup! It's quite sad it's come to this - I have stopped offering now/any socialising, just the incoming nonsense to deal with!

I think I was slightly over zealous and overly helpful/generous at the start because I just wanted to be nice, but absolutely no more! (And maybe start praying they move!)

OP posts: