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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not lend neighbour my car?

207 replies

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 18:37

Just that really... new neighbours (less than a year), not particularly close (friendly when I first moved in but a series of events has lead to some distance).

Was asked out of the blue if I had comprehensive insurance, and if so could they borrow my car as needed to sort something out at their buy-to-let (defrosting a boiler condenser pipe, so not an emergency!)

Been made to feel a bit mean, though I lied and said I didn't have the insurance.

YABU - Perfectly reasonable to ask an acquaintance if you can borrow their car, and it's mean of them not to say yes

YANBU - No, I wouldn't lend my car to someone (except maybe close family)

There's been a whole series of bonkers behaviour and now genuinely wondering if I was mean not to lend it! (I did offer a lift if needed but had to rescind the offer after 4 hours and still no time for said lift given - was clear I was expected to wait about all day in case offer was taken up!)

OP posts:
Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:30

MeridianB · 29/12/2022 21:25

Wait, what? They have keys to your house?

Get them back! Or risk them taking your car when they fancy it!

Ahaha no, I have the keys back - I quite firmly told them I'd not be told when and if I could have them, as I said keysafe is on order!

OP posts:
Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:32

BakedTattie · 29/12/2022 21:27

Your neighbours sound utterly bat shit,
but I think you need to start being more assertive too op.

I have been, the favours and lending were a couple of months ago, since then it has become more distant and I haven't been going out of my way to help - I messed the order up a bit as I was listing the cheeky fuckery!

OP posts:
PurplePixies · 29/12/2022 21:33

Well done on saying NO to them.

However, I think you need to change your locks because you know they'll have had your keys copied. 😩

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 29/12/2022 21:35

You sound a lovely neighbour OP, glad you’ve got your keys back.

If you work from home, I’d permanently walk round with a headset on and if you see them tell them you can say you’re on a work call 🤣

berrycakeandcustard · 29/12/2022 21:36

😱I just read your updates, your neighbours are bonkers! Forget about getting your key back, I would get new locks immediately if I were you - who's to say they wouldn't keep a copy for themselves if they did give you back your key. I would be a bit freaked out at the thought of neighbours like yours going into my home when I'm not there. They seem very cheeky so it wouldn't surprise me if they did try that!

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 29/12/2022 21:36

I meant tell them you can’t speak as you’re on a work call! 🤣

berrycakeandcustard · 29/12/2022 21:40

Sorry, just read you have your keys back, ignore my first post.

Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:41

PurplePixies · 29/12/2022 21:33

Well done on saying NO to them.

However, I think you need to change your locks because you know they'll have had your keys copied. 😩

Thankfully safe on that - they are the keys you have to send away for extras, and they don't have the barcode so no worries there!

OP posts:
Soothsayer1 · 29/12/2022 21:47

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:22

I think so, I have done a fair number of favours for them and maybe they just assumed because of that I was a pushover! Lesson learnt I guess!

Show quote history

don't blame yourself, with decent people it's reciprocal, you do a favour, they do one back, it doesn't occur to you that there are types who just think 'plenty more where that came from'....and proceed to bleed you dry!

Soothsayer1 · 29/12/2022 21:51

I think they see you as a 'mere child' whom they can order around OP

Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:54

Soothsayer1 · 29/12/2022 21:51

I think they see you as a 'mere child' whom they can order around OP

We're actually same age give or take a few months, but neighbour definitely thinks she's more worldly than me!

OP posts:
Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:55

Soothsayer1 · 29/12/2022 21:47

don't blame yourself, with decent people it's reciprocal, you do a favour, they do one back, it doesn't occur to you that there are types who just think 'plenty more where that came from'....and proceed to bleed you dry!

Show quote history

Thank you! There needs to be some sure fire test for this!

OP posts:
LovingTheAbbreviations · 29/12/2022 21:56

No, no and no. They are being VERY unreasonable and have defo marked you out as a walkover, defo stay strong and say no to them, this is not a reasonable thing for them to ask you in any way. Good luck with the situation!

AzerJoon · 29/12/2022 21:56

The main reason I would never do this is because if an accident did happen. You would be out of a car for however long.

Wouldn't risk it.

say that to them, accidents happen and even though it could be another drivers fault, you can't risk being out of a car especially if it's not you driving it

Bleachmycloths · 30/12/2022 10:02

Bloody nutters. They have probably spent years getting away with crap like this.

indie123 · 30/12/2022 11:45

Yanbu

my best friend is only person I let borrow my car and even with her, I’m funny

Soothsayer1 · 30/12/2022 12:16

They do sound like weird nutters rather than people who are deliberately malign, if it was me I would always be polite but have very firm boundaries and keep them at a far distance. Never explain or apologise for yourself just be firm and clear- no I won't be doing that, that doesn't work for me.
Never give reasons, or at least nothing detailed, don't say anything beyond I'm not available, I can't do that, if you give them detailed explanations it makes you appear subservient and that is possibly what makes them feel as if they can boss you around.

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 12:30

Never ever, ever do them the slightest favour ever again. As soon as you give an inch, they’ll try taking a mile.

Faith77 · 30/12/2022 18:05

Wait... What?!! YADNBU! Not in the slightest! Need a car? Go hire one! There are things I would do to help my neighbours, but that isn't one of them. I can't believe they had the nerve to ask, tbh!

Hmm1234 · 30/12/2022 18:11

They didn’t take the lift?! But wanted you to hand over your car. They’re up to something

Madmeerkat · 30/12/2022 18:18

WHAAAAAAAT who the hell does she think she is! Totally not something acceptable to do socially at all! No way, not on your belly would I lend my car in this circumstance and you are NOT being mean! Crazy to make you feel
mean too!

Brackensmomma · 30/12/2022 18:21

No way..
Don't lend your car to anyone. Don't matter what insurance you have they have to be insured to drive it.
If they need a car and have a full licence tell them to go hire a car for the day..
Some people take the piss...

Buffs · 30/12/2022 18:26

YADNBU. Give these neighbours a very wide berth.

fetchacloth · 30/12/2022 18:50

Absolutely YANBU on this one 😮

Cait33 · 30/12/2022 18:52

My next door neighbour is my DHs cousin, was a bridesmaid at my wedding and is my DSs godmother. She's never asked to borrow my car and never would. You're not being unreasonable to say no, they're being unreasonable to ask!