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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not lend neighbour my car?

207 replies

HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 18:37

Just that really... new neighbours (less than a year), not particularly close (friendly when I first moved in but a series of events has lead to some distance).

Was asked out of the blue if I had comprehensive insurance, and if so could they borrow my car as needed to sort something out at their buy-to-let (defrosting a boiler condenser pipe, so not an emergency!)

Been made to feel a bit mean, though I lied and said I didn't have the insurance.

YABU - Perfectly reasonable to ask an acquaintance if you can borrow their car, and it's mean of them not to say yes

YANBU - No, I wouldn't lend my car to someone (except maybe close family)

There's been a whole series of bonkers behaviour and now genuinely wondering if I was mean not to lend it! (I did offer a lift if needed but had to rescind the offer after 4 hours and still no time for said lift given - was clear I was expected to wait about all day in case offer was taken up!)

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/12/2022 20:04

No way! And most people’s fully comp doesn’t mean anyone can drive it, as nearly all PPs have said.

Very much CFs.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 29/12/2022 20:11

LynneBenfield · 29/12/2022 19:07

Your neighbour is batshit.

A lift.
A taxi.
A car share app or scheme.
A bus.
A friend or family member.

All would’ve been appropriate options. Your car was the oddest. As for being rude about not waiting around for you to drive them about, they’ve somewhat cut their nose off to spite their face for future favours.

You were being madly generous offering a lift, and they STILL went on to treat you shabbily by not agreeing a time.

I would have refused a lift and deffo no lend to passing acquaintance.... All benefit for them and massive downside for you.

Cheeky beggars!

GatoradeMeBitch · 29/12/2022 20:14

Minimize contact with them. The first week I lived in my last house a neighbour knocked and asked to borrow my laptop. Even my kids don't get to borrow my laptop! CF's like that never stop pushing at your boundaries. Best to just give a "no" to everything so they give up on you.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 29/12/2022 20:19

I've refused to lend my car to a friend who I know someone who lent his car to his new neighbour on the day they moved in! They needed to nip back to their old house. I was seriously impressed at that and resolved to do the same if someone was ever in need. It's only an old tin box after all and I would trust that they'd do the decent thing and replace it if necessary. But would only lend it if they weren't CFs

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 29/12/2022 20:20

That didn't read right. I refused to lend my car to a CF friend who is scatty and a terrible driver.

XingMing · 29/12/2022 20:22

We had a friend dog sit for us in the summer, so I added her to my insurance policy fully comp. She's a qualified driving instructor and has had a UK license since the late 70s. So it cost about £17 for a month. But a random borrow isn't the same.

echt · 29/12/2022 20:25

Not RTFT, but apart from the insurance business, the fact that they couldn't/wouldn't pin down a time meant they wanted the car for quite a while, not just the there-and-back journey.

Tessabelle74 · 29/12/2022 20:33

Don't think I've ever seen 100% YANBU before! No way I'd lend my car to anyone, never mind basically a stranger

Hollythejolly · 29/12/2022 20:35

EphraimMonk · 29/12/2022 19:04

They would have had to prise my car keys from my cold, dead hand.

Outstanding cheeky fuckery!

This!

I’ve never lent my car to anyone, ever

Mydpisgrumpierthanyours · 29/12/2022 20:36

Yanbu I wouldnt lend my neighbours my car and I get on well with them.
I would offer to drive them in an emergency though

good96 · 29/12/2022 20:36

YANBU -
You say you don’t know them well and you’ve had some issues - how can you trust that they don’t steal the car (extremist) or use to commit a crime (and using the BTL as an excuse)
Would you not offer to give them a lift and YOU drive for fuel money?

AlwaysGinPlease · 29/12/2022 20:36

YADNBU! I'd never let anyone drive our cars ever. Ooh the thought of it actually makes me shudder 😂

asblindasabat · 29/12/2022 20:44

YANBU at all.

I highly doubt they’d be covered to drive your car - maybe third party, but if they were, it’d probably only be third party meaning if they were to crash your car, your car wouldn’t be covered!

aside from that, I’m not sure I would trust them with my car. How would you know if they were going to steal it or not?

Just no way. You have done the right thing. You are being very generous by offering a lift instead.

Irritatedmum · 29/12/2022 20:44

They’ve got a buy to let but not their own car?

asblindasabat · 29/12/2022 20:44

AlwaysGinPlease · 29/12/2022 20:36

YADNBU! I'd never let anyone drive our cars ever. Ooh the thought of it actually makes me shudder 😂

I know!! I actually feel so uncomfortable just thinking about anyone else having my car!

Bluekerfuffle · 29/12/2022 20:45

Bizarre that there are three threads on the go about very strange neighbours. Asking repeatedly if their guests can use the OPs house, building a shed in a communal parking space and now asking to use OPs car. Is it all on the same weird little cut-de-sac of CFery?

BMW6 · 29/12/2022 20:45

Not a chance and horribly cheeky to even bloody ask!

Why wouldn't they get a taxi or hire a car like a normal sane person?

Beyond cheeky actually. Whole new category required.

Abigail69 · 29/12/2022 20:46

I don't lend my car to anyone and nor does DH. We've never borrowed our children's cars never mind anyone else's.

londonrach · 29/12/2022 20:49

No way...ever and no...and no again. Ever ever ever lend a car to anyone . Dh the only one allowed to drive mine under my insurance as named driver...we been together 2001....took over ten years till trusted him to treat my car right...no way lend it to anyone else...who on earth ask or you trust...

Swannning · 29/12/2022 20:52

I lent mine to people (who got their own insurance for it) but I am not too fussy about mine - but to a random neighbour - not a chance. They are particularly rude for the way they replied to you about the lift

GinIronic · 29/12/2022 20:53

No way. You don’t even know if they have a valid driving licence.

christmaswear · 29/12/2022 20:54

Wow that is so cheeky.

I’d have said no sorry. I do like to be polite so I’d probably have recommended a specific taxi company or bus route to soften the blow but ‘no’ is more than enough!

Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 20:54

Thanks all, you've made me feel much better!

I'll expand a little for those asking (I'll try and keep a few details vague...) @deflatedbirthday @BoxOfCats @PurplePixies @MaggieFS

We hadn't seen each other in a while, and as I said got on very well when I first moved in so invited them to dinner - they knew what I was cooking as they have complex dietry issues so ran it by them so they knew it was a) a bit of an expensive treat meal and b) it took a few hours to cook. They texted five minutes after they were supposed to arrived to say they were too tired to come and hope I enjoyed the meal!!! (I live alone, it is not something you'd cook for one person)

I lent them a couple of plug in items because they were having issues, they ran them 24/7 for 3 weeks then complained about electricity cost... repeatedly... in a very "you're to blame manner" and kept telling me the amount it had cost in electricity as though they were expecting me to reimburse them!?

I had to have some urgent outdoor work done (to ensure house stayed standing!) Builders were here for 3 days, 9-4 when they were out and I pre-warned everyone and said I would arrange for window cleaning for the whole terrace row afterwards. On the last day of the work, woke up to a bombardment of photos of a dusty lawn, with "devastated" neighbour unable to garden in three days time. I can understand the frustration, except they clearly hadn't finished or tidied up as scaffolding was still up, which neighbour would have known as neighbour had blocked the shared access with garden items not normally stored there!? As in, completely in the way of the poor workman getting the scaffolding out and finishing/tidying up etc! The workman cleaned everything up (as they would always do when finished, they said) including lawn, I asked if it was all ok and if not would go over it again... no answer.

They asked if I could wait in for something for them "sometime this week", I said yes depending on when. Heard nothing all week until 9:30 on the Friday saying it would arrive sometime that day. I explained I wouldn't be in as had a last minute medical appointment and got lambasted as they thought I was "always in everyday" (I work from home) and it would have been nice to know this wasn't the case. Instead redirected to my address at 7am on Saturday morning, destroying my lie in and then got told off for not being in on the Saturday afternoon for them to grab it back.

Lectured and refused to give back my spare key (I'd asked for it back once in the passed month to facilitate friends coming to stay and only have three at the moment due to the door that needs to be replaced) because it seemed like it "wasn't working" to let them have the spare (key safe is on order!)

And the chestnut this week, came to drop off a christmas present (a surprise, as I thought I was persona non grata at this point!) on a day when I was stressed as having difficulties with a company replacing something on the house costing 1000s- all are faulty. Was told I should let it go and just accept things won't be perfect, I said we'd agree to disagree. Next day I received a text suggesting I seek therapy as I shouldn't be getting so stressed about these things?!!?

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 29/12/2022 20:57

I would have said no too, because of the insurance. They could write off your car! Once a neighbour asked for me for a lift. I had just arrived home with the kids. I said would, if it was an emergency. As long as it was a local lift, I'd be available in one hour, as I needed to feed the kids and they'd have to come with us. She knocked 10 minutes later, saying that my lift was too late and had asked someone else. I saw the lift arrive an hour later?! I realised that I had nearly started something. If I had taken her straight away, then she'd always expect it.

Original poster
HouseIsOnFire · 29/12/2022 21:03

Beautiful3 · 29/12/2022 20:57

I would have said no too, because of the insurance. They could write off your car! Once a neighbour asked for me for a lift. I had just arrived home with the kids. I said would, if it was an emergency. As long as it was a local lift, I'd be available in one hour, as I needed to feed the kids and they'd have to come with us. She knocked 10 minutes later, saying that my lift was too late and had asked someone else. I saw the lift arrive an hour later?! I realised that I had nearly started something. If I had taken her straight away, then she'd always expect it.

What a nightmare! I think I'm fairly accommodating, but it's just the lack of respect of your time isn't it?!

OP posts:
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