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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

328 replies

Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:34

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:34

*messaged my mum that should say!

OP posts:
JJJSchmidt · 29/12/2022 17:35

I think you were both rude tbh, ypur lateness but aldo them harping on. Can't stand either trait

GinIronic · 29/12/2022 17:35

Turning up late is selfish and disrespectful.

Original poster
Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:35

In case the exact timing is important - I said we were 10 mins late, they said 15. It was 12 😂

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 29/12/2022 17:37

No it's not bad at all, unless you do it often?

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 29/12/2022 17:37

Come on! PPs are being ridiculous. I hate lateness, it is rude, but 12 minutes with a message to say you're running late is ABSOLUTELY FINE!!!

YouremywifenowTubs · 29/12/2022 17:37

10 minutes is nothing. And you text them to tell them.

What an over reaction to nothing.

dammiejodger · 29/12/2022 17:38

I don't think YABU. I think they are. 12 mins is nothing when you have kids.

Aprilx · 29/12/2022 17:38

I do think being 12 minutes late is “that bad” it shows you think your time is more important. It sounds like they over reacted however but you over reacted even more if you were too angry to speak just because somebody spoke up about your tardiness.

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 17:38

They massively over reacted. It's 12 mins and they could have ordered a drink and chatted. You messaged them as well.

I'm usually late with kids because it normally takes them an hour to get them out the front door. Eldest doesn't want hair brushed, youngest needs a last minute poo, DH misplaced his car keys, I've lost my will to live. You know, all that stuff that comes with having a family that your DM and DF should also remember.

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 29/12/2022 17:39

I hate being late, it winds me up counting down the minutes and if I’m starting to run late I get stressed. But ten minutes, with kids, isn’t exactly the end of the world.

How far away were you from the restaurant? And what caused you to be late? Traffic and a child centred issue before leaving (oh, the perfectly timed toddler poo…) is one thing. Wanting to finish a film is another.

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 17:39

GinIronic · 29/12/2022 17:35

Turning up late is selfish and disrespectful.

Aee you always on time to every even. Even if there's traffic or something is going on with kids? She did message them. Its not an appointment

MontyK · 29/12/2022 17:39

FFS you weren't being rude, 10 mins late and I wouldn't even flinch. People need to unclench, seriously.....

FrazzledFirefly · 29/12/2022 17:40

I was 12 minutes late meeting my dad today. Messaged him to apologise. He said no worries, and that was it.

Huge overreaction by your parents.

MumUndone · 29/12/2022 17:40

I wouldn't get upset over 12 minutes.

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 17:40

Sorry grammar errors. Terrible predictive text and fat fingers.

dolor · 29/12/2022 17:40

You messaged them to say you were going to be late. They have no reason to be upset with you and the way they treated you was horrible.

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 17:40

This reply has been deleted

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BlueLabel · 29/12/2022 17:41

Are you often late? I can't imagine this causing such a reaction unless there was something else going on with them or a repeated offence from you?

Merryoldgoat · 29/12/2022 17:42

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 29/12/2022 17:37

Come on! PPs are being ridiculous. I hate lateness, it is rude, but 12 minutes with a message to say you're running late is ABSOLUTELY FINE!!!

Exactly this.

Original poster
Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:42

Nope, I'm not normally late at all. It was just one thing after another today, getting the kids ready etc.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 29/12/2022 17:42

Kind of depends if this part of a pattern and if there's good reason. Persistently being late because you underestimate how long things take can become incredibly frustrating, whereas a one off is quite different

saffronrabbit · 29/12/2022 17:43

I'm guessing this isn't the first time you've been late?

I have a friend who is consistently late to meet me, it makes me feel unimportant like her time is more valuable than mine. It sucks.

BeyondMyWits · 29/12/2022 17:43

It depends... your mum is like me, if I arrange to meet at 2, I'll meet at 2, and yep, I'll expect the other party there at 2... that's what we arranged. If you didnt want to meet at 2, arrange some other time.

I'll be a bit cheesed off... not furious if the other party turned up late, but if it was a serial offender I'd be more furious I suppose.

Life generally has 2 sorts of people... on time, not on time....

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 17:43

GinIronic · 29/12/2022 17:35

Turning up late is selfish and disrespectful.

It's often neither, don't be a dick

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