DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

[Coffeeandtveasily]

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

I worked front of house in hospitality for years.

I can assure you, if half of a party is 12 minutes late for their booking in a half empty restaurant they will absolutely not be holding the staff up.

They’re ridiculous!

Baby boomers are often unnecessarily rude

And no restaurant would give away a table where two of the party had already turned up and said the others were coming in the next ten mins. So that's bollocks

To the poster who said "cat's bum face" - that's spot on!
My Dad grimaced as we walked in (after glaring out of the window at us) whilst my mum was dramatically clutching her phone and loudly saying "what time is it" etc then turned around furiously when we entered. I thought it was a very strange reaction to being 12 minutes late especially since I'd told them we'd be late. I assumed they'd just have a drink together and chat for a few minutes. It's all a bit strange.

By elderly, do you mean over 75/80yrs?

I’m in my fifties and find lateness very annoying, especially when the same people can manage to get to work on time every day but when it comes to social events, their timekeeping is crap.

Do tell us precisely how you guarantee never being late, short of habitually arriving an hour early which would be ridiculous?

If you are normally not on time, or if you had not made any contact, then the reaction would be reasonable.

If you had the timekeeping of the former Arsenal men's football captain, then I would support your DM 100%. Or if you behaved as seemed to happen with many of the Covid Downing Street press conferences, none of which that I ever saw started on time.

If it was a work meeting, I would have started without you. Which it was not.

Many restaurants have timed table slots. Losing 15 mins off a 2 hour slot can mean a more hurried meal or a missed course, instead of a nice relaxed time.
For your DM, it is v stressful sitting at the table, smiling through gritted teeth, trying to stall the waiter with promises that her other guests are on their way, trying to spin out an unwanted drink, etc. She is also probably hungry, and will now have to wait even longer for you not only to roll up late, but then peruse the menu after she has already chosen her food.
It is beyond rude to do this when invited for a meal.
If you know you are badly organised or slow to get the DC ready, start earlier. Aim to be there 15 minutes early yourself, to allow some wiggle room.
I have never turned up late for a meal in over 40 years, during 16 of which I was a single parent to two children, one of them autistic. It’s not difficult to be punctual and polite.

It is, if it’s constant and without a good excuse. It’s saying that ‘my time is more important than yours.’

It's not constant and it was TWELVEmins, as a one off.

Some of you here...the rods up your asses have rods up their asses. You're not the fucking queen, it's not a command performance.

I agree. I try not to be late myself but sometimes it's unavoidable with traffic/train delays etc (or finding a car park only works on an app so you have to find one that takes cards or coins) I'd be annoyed if you just turned up late and didn't let me know, but as long as you've told me and it's not very long (and 12 minutes isn't) it's fine. Especially if you are with someone else and not hanging around on your own feeling like everyone is wondering if you've been stood up ;)

Even if you were a serial offender I couldn't get too upset over 12 minutes.

I am not sure, but I think restaurants generally won't give a table away until you're over 15 minutes late. Unless they are really busy I suppose.

And here YOU are huffing and puffing and glaring, and telling us you were so angry at their reaction that you couldn't speak. On Mumsnet. In public.
Peas. In. A. Pod.

I loathe lateness with a passion, but you were 12 min late, texted beforehand to say so and the restaurant was not busy so this I could totally let go. Your parents are being unreasonable

Would this even apply in today's situation, @BeyondMyWits , where you're waiting to meet your DD and DCG for a relaxed family meal in Christmas week?

Just asking because I'd probably relax, have a drink and a chat to my partner for 10 minutes, then be delighted to see my DD when she arrives, appear pleased and welcoming, and hope she's not getting too flustered with the kids . And I'm an "on time" person.

I have a real thing about lateness. This is largely due to not being able to cope with the not knowing side of things. So, from my point of view, the fact you texted to say you would be late makes a huge difference. It shows that you were aware of your lateness and that you would be there as soon as you could.

That's one of the things I love about mobile phones. Years ago, I would wait and wait, getting more and more stressed and pissed off. A quick text or call defuses the whole situation. Your parents seriously overreacted.

If I was picking my dm up and she was rude like this about 3 mins I'd tell her to make her own way there next time or get a taxi

Shit happens. It’s only disrespectful if you make a habit of it.

If you had the timekeeping of the former Arsenal men's football captain, then I would support your DM 100%. Or if you behaved as seemed to happen with many of the Covid Downing Street press conferences, none of which that I ever saw started on time.

If you had read OP's updates you wouldn't have written this post.

It is, if it’s constant and without a good excuse. It’s saying that ‘my time is more important than yours.’

But it's not constant, so that point is moot.

Many restaurants have timed table slots. Losing 15 mins off a 2 hour slot can mean a more hurried meal or a missed course, instead of a nice relaxed time

You'd be pretty hard pushed not to finish three courses in 1 hour 45 minutes.

I have never turned up late for a meal in over 40 years, during 16 of which I was a single parent to two children, one of them autistic. It’s not difficult to be punctual and polite

Yeah right. We live in the UK with overcrowded roads and unreliable trains. For example, I would always get the train before the one I needed to get if I was getting somewhere for a particular time, but if there's eg a signal failure it doesn't matter, you'll still be late.

It's completely different to the people who say they will meet you at 12 and don't even leave the house until ten past 12.

I completely disagree. This is an absolute non issue. An adult can wait 12 mins longer than expected for food. And they can politely say to the waiter or waitress we are still waiting for the rest of our party before ordering, it happens ALL THE TIME and they will certainly not be holding them off with gritted teeth. If they're so uptight this is a major issue then they simply shouldn't bother with restaurant meals.

Yes this. I remember hanging around waiting for people wondering if I'd made a mistake and not knowing if I had the right time or the right place or both. Until they finally turned up.

What a bizarre overeaction from them both! Are they normally anxious types who need everything to run according to an exact schedule? Some people are unable to accept any deviations from the plan. My FIL is a lot like this. Most of the time I ignore it although sometimes I pretend to take it seriously (it’s usually something like not getting his three o’clock cup of tea until six past) and ask questions about what’s bothering him.

I think I’d this had happened to me, I would have feigned concern and asked whether the staff wanted to take our orders or if they had to be somewhere by 2.

I do the same. I give a rough estimate and then I text when setting off. She's still always there mega early and waiting for me 😄