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AIBU?

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Original poster

DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

328 replies

Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:34

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

OP posts:
Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 17:44

Did they get over it at least?

woodhill · 29/12/2022 17:44

Sounds petty of them. It's hard to time when you are meeting sometimes and you have dc

Is it nearby to you?

custardbear · 29/12/2022 17:44

Ridiculous behaviour! If they were also late you'd call the restaurant and let them know, easy! Being late, with kids, can happen... your parents are grumpy because they've nothing better to do than gripe about people who aren't exactly the same as them (bored oldies!)

FloydPepper · 29/12/2022 17:44

GinIronic · 29/12/2022 17:35

Turning up late is selfish and disrespectful.

No

regularly turning up late with no attempt to rectify it, not letting people know, and finding it a quirky “just the way I am” trait is disrespectful

turning up slightly late, occasionall, after notifying the person waiting, is fine.

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Older generation? Op's ma could be 50 with a full time job, for all you know.

Ilikewinter · 29/12/2022 17:44

I met my DS for lunch yesterday, took me 1.45 to drive there and I was on time, DS was 30 mins away and text me to say shed be 10 mins late....I went in the pub and ordered us drinks. It really wasnt a big deal. Your parents were out of order!

RandomPerson42 · 29/12/2022 17:45

Being late is rude and a choice most of the time

Liz1tummypain · 29/12/2022 17:46

My mum is the same. Gets so uptight about the time. Sorry I can't be any help. I think elderly people take it more to heart.

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 17:47

RandomPerson42 · 29/12/2022 17:45

Being late is rude and a choice most of the time

Except the billions of times when its not

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/12/2022 17:47

I'm one of those people who if I say 'we'll meet at 2pm' I MEAN 2pm - and even I think your DPs were ridiculous. You messaged her to tell her, FGS.

Funkyslippers · 29/12/2022 17:48

RandomPerson42 for repeat offenders, yes. But these are the sort of people who wouldn't bother to message if they were running late. OP did the best she could

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 17:48

RandomPerson42 · 29/12/2022 17:45

Being late is rude and a choice most of the time

Lmao thats a good one. Have you got kids? A perfectly time tantrum and last minute poo is enough to offset any well-timed journey. Add traffic to the mix and being late is the natural consequence. I'm guessing if you do have kids then it always goes perfectly well and in which case, please share your best kept secrets 😂

PeekAtYou · 29/12/2022 17:48

Are they the type to be 12 mins early ?

As you're not normally late, yanbu

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 17:48

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 17:44

Older generation? Op's ma could be 50 with a full time job, for all you know.

Show quote history

Lol...she'd still be older than me.

Can't believe someone reported that post of mine!

123woop · 29/12/2022 17:49

Just to go against the grain, I find people being early to be ruder than people being late. I wouldn't consider anything under 15 minutes "late" especially if there are kids involved!

FrostyFifi · 29/12/2022 17:49

I'm normally the first to moan about the habitually late/ditzy/what-am-I-like brigade but as a one-off of ten minutes I wouldn't bat an eyelid, especially if you were wrangling children. Your parents overreacted massively and were horrible to you.

jetadore · 29/12/2022 17:49

There’s two kinds of people in the world. Those that have a stick up their asses over lateness, and those that don’t.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/12/2022 17:50

It's all about attitude, especially for a restaurant booking. Meeting for a drink or something at a rough time is a bit different. But if you've booked a table for a set time then that's the time you shoujld try to arrive for. It sounds like it appeared to them like you weren't arsed about trying to keep to the time agreed. Doesn't sound like you actually apologised for keeping them waiting, just texted to say you'd be late. If your text said something like "so sorry, we might be a bit late because the traffic is worse than we thought it would be, get yourselves a drink and we'll be as quick as we can" then that was ok. If you had rushed in a bit flustered and sheepish at holding them up, saying "sorry, sorry, sorry!" then fair enough.

But it sounds like you just stated that you'd be late and then strolled in as if it was no big deal, like their time meant nothing to you. It's rude.

Original poster
Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:53

They are actually the type who turn up early! The amount of times they've arrived when I'm still getting ready/on the loo etc....and yet I never feel the need to stare angrily and make passive aggressive comments.

OP posts:
squashyhat · 29/12/2022 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And here comes the ageism. 🙄

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 17:55

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/12/2022 17:50

It's all about attitude, especially for a restaurant booking. Meeting for a drink or something at a rough time is a bit different. But if you've booked a table for a set time then that's the time you shoujld try to arrive for. It sounds like it appeared to them like you weren't arsed about trying to keep to the time agreed. Doesn't sound like you actually apologised for keeping them waiting, just texted to say you'd be late. If your text said something like "so sorry, we might be a bit late because the traffic is worse than we thought it would be, get yourselves a drink and we'll be as quick as we can" then that was ok. If you had rushed in a bit flustered and sheepish at holding them up, saying "sorry, sorry, sorry!" then fair enough.

But it sounds like you just stated that you'd be late and then strolled in as if it was no big deal, like their time meant nothing to you. It's rude.

Probably because it isn't a big deal. How up your own arse do you have to be to expect your own child and grandchildren to always be exactly on time to meet you?
The parents were FAR ruder. Whinging and whining and huffing about someone being 12 fucking minutes late, when they texted....rude arseholes.

woodhill · 29/12/2022 17:56

Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:53

They are actually the type who turn up early! The amount of times they've arrived when I'm still getting ready/on the loo etc....and yet I never feel the need to stare angrily and make passive aggressive comments.

I thought you were going to say that

Do they have lots of time on their hands

Doingmybest12 · 29/12/2022 17:56

Did you say 'running late' ? to me that is annoying , suggests a lack of care and organisation , like we couldn't be bothered to get out of the house on time. If you'd said the traffic is awful or another actual reason it doesn't have the same impact and suggests things beyond your control. Is this usual though for them ? If not is there something else going on ? I get annoyed by lateness, I have 3 children and am not late and usually politely put up with others lateness ..

itsgettingweird · 29/12/2022 17:58

Aprilx · 29/12/2022 17:38

I do think being 12 minutes late is “that bad” it shows you think your time is more important. It sounds like they over reacted however but you over reacted even more if you were too angry to speak just because somebody spoke up about your tardiness.

12 minutes late doesn't show you think your time is more important.

That's just one of the idiotic lines trotted out frequented on MN.

I'm a stickler for timing and always leave enough time to get there at least 10 minutes early - in case I'm late 🤣

But I wouldn't think someone being 10 (12) minutes late who text to apologise thought their time was more important.

I'd think they realise my time mattered because they bothers to text. Even more so if they were the type of person to usually be on time.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/12/2022 17:59

Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:53

They are actually the type who turn up early! The amount of times they've arrived when I'm still getting ready/on the loo etc....and yet I never feel the need to stare angrily and make passive aggressive comments.

That means they probably got there a few mins earlier than the booking. Sounds like they could have been waiting a while as you stated you were 12 mins late, then tried to reduce it to "10 mins" in your response to them.

Look, I'm not the best at getting there on the dot. But if I'd turned up 12-15 mins late for a table booking I would be really sheepish and apologetic. DID you apologise, you still haven't said?