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AIBU?

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Original poster

DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

328 replies

Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:34

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 29/12/2022 18:34

being late is rude, you were in the wrong and your actions caused upset and anger to the other people you were meeting.

Your time is not more important than theirs, that is the message you send. If you had arrived at the agreed time then this wouldn't have happened.

ThinWomansBrain · 29/12/2022 18:34

my sister reacts like your parents - on occasions when I am late rather than her - and sulks for the entire evening/lunch etc.

12 minutes is nothing - for me, I generally allow 30 minutes to get into central London - depending on bus/traffic it can be 20, sometimes 40 - and if I give up and walk closer to an hour.

namechangenumber296 · 29/12/2022 18:36

Leaving someone to stand outside in the rain on their own for 12 minutes without letting them know you were running late would be rude.

Messaging in advance with an apology and a revised ETA, and leaving someone to sit down inside with company, enjoying a drink... it's just one of those things.

But my parents are like yours, OP, and would have been equally pissed off.

BlueG123 · 29/12/2022 18:38

My DP's were really annoyed when I was 5 minutes late once. In their defence, they had driven 1.5 hours to a place only 20 mins from me. In my defence, they got there 45 minutes early as they always do, so they were bored and thoroughly wound up by the time to actually meet had arrived....

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 18:41

ivykaty44 · 29/12/2022 18:34

being late is rude, you were in the wrong and your actions caused upset and anger to the other people you were meeting.

Your time is not more important than theirs, that is the message you send. If you had arrived at the agreed time then this wouldn't have happened.

AS if you've never been late in your life. How self absorbed and self important are you?

CountZacular · 29/12/2022 18:43

I find lateness really annoying when I’m standing outside waiting for a singular person but being annoyed for 10 minutes in a restaurant or cafe is ridiculous. Even if I’m stuck alone I’d just read a book/ something on my phone. The over-dramatics from some of the PPs are way worse traits than 10 mins on a single occasion. I’m

Do you parents hate each others company? I can only assume that’s the case as they were dry, able to order a drink and chat amongst themselves whilst they waited.

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2022 18:43

So they probably arrived really early so waited more than 12 minutes-which was entirely their fault. I don’t think 12 minutes is long at all.

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 18:43

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/12/2022 18:01

How up your own arse do you have to be to expect your own child and grandchildren to always be exactly on time to meet you?

But we don't know context. We don't know what usually happens. Perhaps OP always does this.

If we bother to read, we do know that she does not.

awaynboilyurheid · 29/12/2022 18:44

12 minutes late? That would be the earliest I’ve been late for ages! I never worry if someone is late either, goodness get a drink and relax totally ott reaction!

Tilllly · 29/12/2022 18:44

If you were coming from work, an appt, got stuck in traffic, held up, I'd think YANBU at all, esp since you messaged and they were inside and comfortable
But it sounds like you were coming from home and just didn't leave on time - that's unreasonable
But they didn't need to react so badly

I was stood in the rain 25m yesterday waiting for someone and I'm still annoyed
Yes they messaged but I was already there and all it said was running late. Not "I'll be half an hour late, meet you in the cafe"

StaunchMomma · 29/12/2022 18:44

I can't believe all of the people saying how rude it was of you to be late - it was 12 feckin minutes!!!

Have people never heard of traffic? Do their kids never decide they want a poo just as you're leaving? Have they never had to turn around and pop bak home because they've forgot something?

Honestly, they're acting like you're perpetual late person!!

QueefQueen80s · 29/12/2022 18:44

YANBU. I can't stand people like this.. overly focussed on others. If it was me I'd have said to DP oh daughter is gonna be late, let's get a drink/chat/read news on phone whatever.
But no they sat there grumpy, tense and waiting for updates. It's like they don't know how to relax in public.
As long as you messaged them then it's no big deal.

WimbyAce · 29/12/2022 18:44

Wouldn't be a big deal for me at all, being late with children is pretty standard. Mother in law on the other hand would be having kittens, she has to be ridiculously early for everything.

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 18:46

In all seriousness now though, it's your parents. You were 12 mins late. You aren't strangers- surely you're all past it now, right?

FlounderingFruitcake · 29/12/2022 18:46

Yeah ideally you’d have been on time but with the best will in the world occasionally it doesn’t happen and you were thoughtful enough to let them know.

Who even cares, just order a drink, maybe even some bread etc if you’re starving, and relax. Do they hate each other or something?

IndieK1d · 29/12/2022 18:49

I one got told off for being a grand total of 2 minutes late. I go by my watch which might be a minute or two different. But it was somehow ok for him to be 15 minutes late. He lived a few streets away and there would be virtually no traffic at that time of the morning.

EmmaAgain22 · 29/12/2022 18:50

I hate lateness but one incident of 12 mins? Jeez. They are being weird, is there a backstory?

Crumpleton · 29/12/2022 18:50

Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 18:05

No I'm not normally late, and I text to say sorry we were running late before we were due to arrive. So if they arrived on time, they'd probably not even have finished half a drink before we arrived. But they didn't order drinks. They sat glaring out of the window/at their phone furiously despite me letting them know we were going to be a bit late.

My first thoughts reading this did make me wonder if they'd had some sort of todo between themselves and took it out on you.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 29/12/2022 18:51

I'd be annoyed in their shoes. Hate lateness. Wouldn't harp on about it but would definitely have expected an apology. In person on arrival, as well as the preemptive text.

woodhill · 29/12/2022 18:52

I do feel some people use timekeeping as a control especially if they are relatives itms

Sounds like they were treating you like a dc

Different for work or an appointment

LouisCatorze · 29/12/2022 18:53

As they were there as a couple, I'm not sure why they were being so grumpy. 12 minutes is not long to pass the time with a LO, awaiting the arrival of other LOs.

Fairislefandango · 29/12/2022 18:53

Come on! PPs are being ridiculous. I hate lateness, it is rude, but 12 minutes with a message to say you're running late is ABSOLUTELY FINE!!!

^This, unless it's a regular thing, which it doesn't sound like it is at all.

FlutterShite · 29/12/2022 18:53

This is hilarious - all these people relishing scolding the OP for being "rude"! Get a grip. Stuff happens. Being 12 minutes late for lunch might make things tricky if meeting friends during a work lunchbreak, but what was the actual problem in this scenario?

Whitewolf2 · 29/12/2022 18:54

They were the rude ones OP. 12 minutes late when you have children to get somewhere is nothing. We met 3 set of friends at the park today with their kids, we were 5 mins late (dds searching for gloves, then needed a wee last minute) they were all at least 10-15 mins late, there was a road closed so had to do a longer route. No one is being rude, we all know how difficult it is to get out the door with kids.

Benjispruce4 · 29/12/2022 18:55

As they had the table and were seated they were over the top. But, if you’re late, you don’t really have a leg to stand on.