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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think toddler swearing isn’t a big deal

270 replies

Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 14:23

My daughter recently said fuck off recently. I was videoing her and she said it in context, she is two. I tried not to react as didn’t want to make it into a bigger deal. I don’t swear around my kids, or certainly not at them.

I told her dad, sent him the video because the timing was perfect and kind of funny ( I do NOT think children swearing is okay or cute but it happens).
a whole argue started as he said he’s not impressed, I need to find out where she got it from, we recently spent time with family over Christmas. My family also don’t swear around elders or children culturally it’s not the done thing.

Her dad said he feels like someone must be talking to her like that, maybe in my family we think it’s okay but no one is his family ever swore as a child. He said I need to figure out how she learnt this, could be from literally anywhere?! I don’t think hunk it’s a big deal, she doesn’t know what the words mean and I wouldn’t encourage it? Am I really being unreasonable to think it’s not a big deal?

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 29/12/2022 16:12

It would be hard not to laugh 😅 I'm sorry but all kids swear at some point! And I hope my son doesn't but I'd rather they learnt it from me than anyone else!

oviraptor21 · 29/12/2022 16:13

Yep for sure @Lenald
Quite amusing but also sad that you don't believe that people live their lives without swearing, in front of the kids or at all.
I may have said the occasional bloody or Jesus, not in front of the kids until they were much older.
I have never used the word fuck ever.

Staffielove23 · 29/12/2022 16:15

I simply couldn’t find the energy or inclination to get worked up over this. You did the right thing by not making a big deal over it.

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 16:16

I hate that I swear in front my mine and I try so hard not to, as they don’t like it either. And I recall how genuinely disturbed I was when I heard my mum mutter once (ONCE) “fuck”. It actually played on my mind a bit!

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 16:17

I have dropped the f bomb a few times and I feel so disappointed in myself afterwards in front of them

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 16:18

Oddly enough I have NO problem with them hearing it on TV (late primary and early secondary)

Lenald · 29/12/2022 16:18

oviraptor21 · 29/12/2022 16:13

Yep for sure @Lenald
Quite amusing but also sad that you don't believe that people live their lives without swearing, in front of the kids or at all.
I may have said the occasional bloody or Jesus, not in front of the kids until they were much older.
I have never used the word fuck ever.

Oh my goodness, how did you sleep at night?

BabyFour2023 · 29/12/2022 16:19

Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 14:30

i’m not saying I enjoy her swearing, or want her to do it again. But it’s not the huge deal where we can find out where she heard it, then what? We know where it came from then?

She’s not being deliberately naughty, we don’t talk like that in my home and I just moved the conversation on and she hasn’t said it again

Well someone obviously says it around her often enough for her to use it spontaneously in context. I think it’s disgusting and I’m with her dad.

sussexman · 29/12/2022 16:20

I wouldn't get het up about it - it happens - but it is worth trying to work out where she is exposed to that sort of language not least because she may be exposed to other behaviours that aren't great.

Weepingwillowtree99 · 29/12/2022 16:21

I think the most obvious explanation is that another child has said it to her at nursery.

figrollmop · 29/12/2022 16:21

We don't use the words 'fat' or 'ugly' and when I have heard my children use it to describe someone, they are corrected. We don't talk about people clothes or appearances. Swearing really depends on the context for me. If they drop something and say 'oh shit' I would ignore that, it doesn't bother me, but if they called someone an 'ugly shit' or the like, then they would be corrected.

PAFMO · 29/12/2022 16:22

The thing is, (and ignoring the thread goady fucker and its sock puppets) if the child (who has heard the language used in context several times if not more to be able to even form the sounds at that age) continues to use the language in context and when at nursery etc, then it will be a big deal because young children using language like that especially at a young age is on a ticklist for a safeguarding alert.

You're not being accused of neglect.
You're not being accused of being a bad mother.

You do need to accept that your child has been exposed to inappropriate language with violent/sexual connotations and nip it in the bud rather than sending the video to the child's father. Though, tbf, it sounds like it's a good job you did as it made you think. That exposure may be from her sister, a relative or TV. It doesn't matter.

Nursery will "have a quiet word" with you about it and keep an eye on the child.

So sort it so they don't have to.

Blossomtoes · 29/12/2022 16:23

there is no way someone has spoken to her like that.

Rubbish.

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 16:24

Weepingwillowtree99 · 29/12/2022 16:21

I think the most obvious explanation is that another child has said it to her at nursery.

Most obvious is older sister or friend but the op doesn’t bother to clarify. If older sister is 15 and has friends around…

tiredmama23 · 29/12/2022 16:25

@PAFMO @BabyFour2023

You're both spot on and it's been repeatedly ignored. To use it correctly in context at the age of 2, requires more than a "one off" exposure. She's heard it a few times.

RosesAndHellebores · 29/12/2022 16:25

Is this the site that coined the term "Atrocious Cunt" or have I been through the back of the wardrobe and entered the world of NetMums?

Original poster
Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 16:25

no one other than her dad has implied or mentioned neglect. She’s never said this at nursery, she hasn’t said it again!

OP posts:
Thymely · 29/12/2022 16:25

After going out in the car alone with my DH my two year old (at the time) daughter clearly said, 'Dick Head', I had to try hard not to laugh and just ignored it, but knew immediately her dad had been indulging in a bit of 'road rage'. I don't think she ever used it again and he was a bit more careful after that. Still makes me smile many years later.

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 16:26

I’m a single parent and it’s just me and the kids. I don’t swear in front of them. I

so according to loads of posters OP, you should be polishing your halo

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 16:26

Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 16:25

no one other than her dad has implied or mentioned neglect. She’s never said this at nursery, she hasn’t said it again!

Do you otherwise have a decent relationship with him?

Staffielove23 · 29/12/2022 16:26

Lenald · 29/12/2022 16:18

Oh my goodness, how did you sleep at night?

Show quote history

Oh my goodness. Fuck is my default word for every-time I hurt myself, have an accident or even if shit doesn’t go my way that day. I crashed the car last month, thankfully not with dc in it, and fuck was the first thing I said. How do you get through life without the occasional fuck? I couldn’t.

Gingersnappy · 29/12/2022 16:26

My DD picked up on cuss words around that age also (she also would use them in context). I don't swear much at all in general, but most of her family that she's around on a day to day basis do. She still, at 3.5 years old now, will slip up and say things like "what da fuck" if she hurts herself. I don't make it a huge deal, just remind her that it's not a nice word to say and she knows. So I agree with you and it would be too hard and very pointless to try and track the culprit down

Original poster
Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 16:27

It’s not that I’m ignoring it, I just have answered many times that no one talks to her like that. No one responds like that to being asked to do something

OP posts:
PAFMO · 29/12/2022 16:27

RosesAndHellebores · 29/12/2022 16:25

Is this the site that coined the term "Atrocious Cunt" or have I been through the back of the wardrobe and entered the world of NetMums?

Yeah but the people who did it weren't 2. Or videoed by their mam while doing it.

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 16:28

She doesn’t play out

she is 2 OP, you really didn’t need to tell us that!