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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think toddler swearing isn’t a big deal

270 replies

Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 14:23

My daughter recently said fuck off recently. I was videoing her and she said it in context, she is two. I tried not to react as didn’t want to make it into a bigger deal. I don’t swear around my kids, or certainly not at them.

I told her dad, sent him the video because the timing was perfect and kind of funny ( I do NOT think children swearing is okay or cute but it happens).
a whole argue started as he said he’s not impressed, I need to find out where she got it from, we recently spent time with family over Christmas. My family also don’t swear around elders or children culturally it’s not the done thing.

Her dad said he feels like someone must be talking to her like that, maybe in my family we think it’s okay but no one is his family ever swore as a child. He said I need to figure out how she learnt this, could be from literally anywhere?! I don’t think hunk it’s a big deal, she doesn’t know what the words mean and I wouldn’t encourage it? Am I really being unreasonable to think it’s not a big deal?

OP posts:
tiredmama23 · 29/12/2022 15:46

Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 15:42

I genuinely don’t think it’s a big deal. In the context of her using it once. If I spoke like this and she used it all the time then obviously it’s a big deal. So far she hasn’t said it again so no it’s not a big deal.

I have said repeatedly our household doesn’t talk like that, I don’t think it’s cute, I don’t think tik tok trends showing the world their child swearing is cute. But they’re just words. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, she’s not being neglected or any other stupid assumption

If you genuinely don't think it's a big deal, why the post asking if you're being unreasonable?

Spanielsarepainless · 29/12/2022 15:47

My parents never swore in front of me and I would be appalled to hear that sort of language from a small child. Glad her father didn't find it funny. Swearing has been normalised, unfortunately, because it is verbal pollution in my opinion.

Original poster
Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 15:48

Because I’m open to hearing opinions. If I needed to apologise to her dad then I would. But actually some of the posters on here are a bit pearly clutchy so I still don’t feel like it’s a huge deal. Interesting to hear what people think though

OP posts:
Ludo19 · 29/12/2022 15:49

OP's toddler said the F word ONCE. It hardly makes the tot Gordon Ramsay!

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/12/2022 15:49

It's not very nice and I wouldn't have deleted the video.

But it's not the end of the world.

TerraNostra · 29/12/2022 15:51

How old is her sibling? Do they spend any time together just the two of them? I’m thinking that maybe your older child is jealous of their sibling and is saying mean things when you are out of earshot, but will of course deny it if asked…

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 15:51

She has an older sister but you don’t clarify age!

how old? That’s crucial info!

tiredmama23 · 29/12/2022 15:51

Pottymouthw · 29/12/2022 15:48

Because I’m open to hearing opinions. If I needed to apologise to her dad then I would. But actually some of the posters on here are a bit pearly clutchy so I still don’t feel like it’s a huge deal. Interesting to hear what people think though

I don't think you need to apologise to anyone, but I disagree entirely with your viewpoint and the "it's no big deal" approach. As do many others. Which was the question you asked in the OP.

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 15:51

I don’t think it’s a big deal either. The best reaction is to not react and gently say that the word “fuck” isn’t a polite word and should be avoided, especially in public.

My DCs picked up on “fuck” around the same age. One child was a 2yo like yours. He was watching Dora the Explorer and when Swiper stole the map, he took a long glug from his sippy cup, and then calmly announced “that’s fucked up” I was shocked but also impressed at how a 2yo knew what the word meant enough to use it in context.

It’s really not a big deal, DCs are going to pick up on those words at some point you just have to handle it and move forward. You can’t stop their ears forever.

WineAndDontDine · 29/12/2022 15:51

Lol. OP you were bound to get these kind of responses. No it's not a big deal. Obviously it's not ideal as many people are offended by swear words and toddlers dont know when its not appropriate to use them. But they are plain impersonal words. For example, I'd rather be called a fucking twat then a fat ugly cow with a big nose. "Fuck off" has the same meaning as "go away" but somehow one is DISGUSTING. I appreciate I have a liberal view on this subject though.

Annon1234 · 29/12/2022 15:53

Lenald · 29/12/2022 14:44

MN users are fucking mental. You’ve all sworn in front of your kids. Have a day off.

absolutely! I don’t know how these people on here have time to comment polishing their halos. It’s honestly not a big deal, as long as she’s not going round telling strangers to fuck off I wouldn’t worry. It happened once, you tell them it’s a naughty word and not to use it again and move on

Theunamedcat · 29/12/2022 15:54

Happened with ds he is my third none of the others had a potty mouth but as he was speech delayed I sent him to nursery at two (the others went at three) this was reccomended as it would hopefully boost his speech etc what did we learn? We learnt that while he isnt good at everyday words we learned the word piss pretty fast we also learned the art of free weeing both from another little boy who started 6 months after him

readingismycardio · 29/12/2022 15:55

Of course it's a big deal.

milawops · 29/12/2022 15:57

Mine said oh shit when she was about 18 months or so. We just ignored her and she stopped after a few days. I'm sure if we had made a big deal over it we would still be hearing it now. Not sure where she got it from. In all honesty it could have been me as I have slipped and sworn in conversation with friends when she's in the room a couple of times. But she might have heard it when we were out or from one of the kids at nursery I don't know.

Misunderstoodagain · 29/12/2022 15:58

Only on mumsnet Jesus.
My 3 year recently said 'fucking' a couple of times. I had picked up a roasting dish that had just come out the oven and burnt my hand and loadly enough for him to hear said 'that fucking thing' or some sort. Well he thought it was hilarious of course and started saying it, mostly the 'fucking monster' 🫣 I told him that was a very bad word and not to say it. The novelty soon wore off and hasn't said it since.
I don't think its that big a deal, it's not like your swearing all around yhe LO and laughing when they do. I find the likes of 10 years with bad language a lot worse cause they know exactly what they are saying!
I would say most of my friends toddlers at some point have said a bad word.

2bazookas · 29/12/2022 15:58

My son aged 4 was playing lego, the structure collapsed and he said "oh FUCK".
I said "What is that word? " he replied " It means something fell off. Daddy said it when he was plastering". I said " Well, we don't say it about lego.".

He was perfectly happy with that explanation.

RosesAndHellebores · 29/12/2022 15:58

My mother always used to say that "oh fudge" was every bit as bad as "oh fuck" if said with the same emphasis. It just tended to be used by those who were a bit prissy.

SaveMeASeat1 · 29/12/2022 15:59

I’d do exactly what you did and say nothing. If your DD is never around that language but has overheard it during the Xmas get togethers, she will forget it in no time. Also, telling her it’s not a nice word draws attention to it and can actually cause her to remember the word and then accidentally (or intentionally) use it.

Personally, I don’t swear, however an older child at school taught my daughter a swear word when she was 4. She didn’t know it was bad because the child making her say it would laugh. She thought it was just a funny word.

I wouldn’t stress over it, unless it becomes an ongoing issue.

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 16:00

“Her dad” “her dads family”

so not your partner?

SpinningFloppa · 29/12/2022 16:04

I don’t understand why you sent it to your ex

Kanaloa · 29/12/2022 16:08

Lenald · 29/12/2022 15:02

best mother of the year award goes to you!!!! Go put ya glad rags on.

next time you swear in front of your kid (which you will) think of me 😘

Show quote history

Erm sure. I don’t swear in front of my kids - but I’m sure it makes you feel like we all behave that way so it’s ok that you do.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 29/12/2022 16:09

I don’t think it’s a big deal. Kids do pick up these things and she could have heard it from anywhere. From what you’ve said as well it may even not be that she was saying ‘fuck off,’ In loads of kids/ teen shows (g; Tracey Beaker) they say things like ‘bog off’ or ‘bore off’ so it could be she’s got it from something your older DD was watching and that then when she’s repeated it her pronunciation wasn’t clear and you’ve misheard something innocuous as fuck. Even if she did swear I think you handled it perfectly by just ignoring it and moving on, if it’s not something she’s hearing regularly I doubt she’ll repeat it and it’s not really a big deal as a one off.

RuthW · 29/12/2022 16:09

I would be horrified if I heard my child swear. Where has she heard it?

Kanaloa · 29/12/2022 16:10

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 15:51

I don’t think it’s a big deal either. The best reaction is to not react and gently say that the word “fuck” isn’t a polite word and should be avoided, especially in public.

My DCs picked up on “fuck” around the same age. One child was a 2yo like yours. He was watching Dora the Explorer and when Swiper stole the map, he took a long glug from his sippy cup, and then calmly announced “that’s fucked up” I was shocked but also impressed at how a 2yo knew what the word meant enough to use it in context.

It’s really not a big deal, DCs are going to pick up on those words at some point you just have to handle it and move forward. You can’t stop their ears forever.

Why would you be impressed? What did you find impressive about a child saying ‘that’s fucked up?’

Lenald · 29/12/2022 16:11

Kanaloa · 29/12/2022 16:08

Erm sure. I don’t swear in front of my kids - but I’m sure it makes you feel like we all behave that way so it’s ok that you do.

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For sure

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