To think toddler swearing isn’t a big deal

[Pottymouthw]

My daughter recently said fuck off recently. I was videoing her and she said it in context, she is two. I tried not to react as didn’t want to make it into a bigger deal. I don’t swear around my kids, or certainly not at them.

I told her dad, sent him the video because the timing was perfect and kind of funny ( I do NOT think children swearing is okay or cute but it happens).
a whole argue started as he said he’s not impressed, I need to find out where she got it from, we recently spent time with family over Christmas. My family also don’t swear around elders or children culturally it’s not the done thing.

Her dad said he feels like someone must be talking to her like that, maybe in my family we think it’s okay but no one is his family ever swore as a child. He said I need to figure out how she learnt this, could be from literally anywhere?! I don’t think hunk it’s a big deal, she doesn’t know what the words mean and I wouldn’t encourage it? Am I really being unreasonable to think it’s not a big deal?

My bet would be older kids or screens/ TV. Have you asked her who she heard it from? Do you supervise all access to screens? She’s not reinvented the term so she’s obviously heard it from somewhere.

This is really off.....

The fact she used it in context is what would worry me most. She's not parroting some random words she's heard when out and about. She's using words she's heard often enough in context so yes I can see why he didn't think it was all that funny and why he wants to find out where she's repeatedly hearing the language.

It’s not funny at all and certainly shouldn’t be encouraged but as a PP said neither should words like shut up be encouraged at a young age either.

She's probably heard it in a shop or similar. Not directed at her. If you ignore it, they forget.

I probably would have told her that those are ‘not nice’ words and I didn’t want to hear them again. I guess I might have let it go once but I wouldn’t have let it continue. If I was estranged from my OH and they sent me a video of it I too would have been annoyed.

I was filming her in her new Chrismas outfit from her dads family. I said can you stand up and show daddy your outfit and she said said it. I stopped filming and just moved on quickly to something else. She hasn’t said it again.

Again I don’t think I could pin down where she got it from. Obviously if someone was speaking to her like that I would take action. However she’s been with me every day, not even with the family teenagers. She could have picked up off the street? How am I supposed to find this out?

Exactly

Hmm I understand his point of view, however she doesn’t stay with any family, or other people. The only thing I can think of is when we saw family over Christmas however no one talks like that….

It's bad but it's not the end of the world

I’d find it funny (inwardly, while outwardly ignoring it).
Cant get my knickers in a twist over things like that.

Dgd said 'Fuck!' with real feeling, aged 13 months. She'd been watching a comedian on television...

Dd, at about the same age, called me a 'Bloody bugger' because I didn't do what she wanted to do. The now ex-and-late husband blamed me, but it just occurs to me as I write that she must have heard that phrase from my df, because he's the only one who uses it!

I feel like he should know me as a parent to know I obviously wouldn’t allow anyone to talk to my child like that, my child doesn’t stay with any extended family friends etc. There is no way for any sort of verbal abuse to occur… she does have an older sister but again I’ve never heard that from her

Yeah, I'm sure your children will go their entire lives without swearing - but be careful not to faint if they ever slip up.

Whilst it’s best not to make a huge big deal out of it (as kids love to say something they think is “naughty”) I also wouldn’t think it was amusing or something to pass on in a video to an ex.

I do find it a big deal when my 8 yo comes out with stuff like this - that he has probably got from my teenager I expect. But there’s the balance between making them realise they mustn’t say it at school and making them thing it’s brilliant and hilarious

I would be concerned about where she's got it from. Are you not concerned that someone has spoken/ is speaking to her like that?

My immediate reaction if it were my 2 year old would be to calmly tell her that's rude/ unkind to say but try not to make a massive deal out of it. But I'd also ask her who she heard say it (she's generally pretty capable of telling us who said or did what, if your child isn't then obviously you can't do that).

This!

And/ or he’s heard it in the playground I guess

I think finding out where it came prob is probably like pissing in the wind. Its not as big of a deal as some people are making out, but that's assuming you knew where it came from so you could have a word. Also, telling her it's wrong would have been ideal, so she knows not to throw it out there.

But she's only been with you? Then it must be from you?

She may have picked it up on the streets? Does she play out on her own?

I’m not concerned in the slightest that anyone has spoken to her like that. The thought is awful but there is no way. She’s stuck to me like glue.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

They all do it. Of course you don’t actively in courage it, but you can have a little giggle privately, not make a big deal of it and it will pass.

She may have picked it up on the streets? Does she play out on her own?

The OPs child is 2.

Exactly @Lenald

She’s stuck to me like glue.

She does go to nursery

Which is it?

Child language acquisition analysis notes that a child has to hear a word or phrase about 10-12 times to learn it, and a few more to then use it.

A child not exposed to hearing "fuck off" used regularly won't use it. This child has learned it from somewhere.