Is it inappropriate for an opposite sex teen/YA to share a hotel room with parent?

[MrsRobinsonsHandprints]

This was raised on another thread but isn't directly related to the thread so I don't think this is TAAT. Also if you read that thread please don't talk about it, this is a wider question than that situation.

Providing everyone gets on and is happy with it I don't think it is inappropriate for a parent to share a hotel room with their opposite sex child/Young adult. I would go further and say (again providing both sides are happy) that it isn't inappropriate to share with your child at any age.

YABU you shouldn't share with your older child

YANBU, it is a parent child relationship of course it isn't inappropriate.

That sounds totally unfair of him 😨

I understand what privacy is. I don't understand why it is a concern when private activities of showering and changing can be done in a bathroom alone. I don't consider clothed sleeping to be an activity that requires privacy from family members.

I just spent 2 nights with my sd28 and dd15 in Oslo. I left the organisation up to them. They booked a room with a double bed and a bunk, with the double for me. Dd15 ended up sleeping in the double with me even though she had a choice.

*You don’t have privacy if you’re sharing. That’s the concern- no privacy.

I think people don’t understand that privacy is the quality or condition of being secluded from the presence or view of others.

As in if you’re not alone, you don’t have privacy*

i’m confused now. How do you cope in swimming pools, restaurants, public spaces?

what about in a car?

i’m not alone the vast majority of the time. Do your teens spend their lives sat in their bedrooms alone?

privacy is important but so is social activity and other experiences. My swimmer dd often shares a changing room post training so she gets chance to chat with her friends.

this focus on privacy to the point of denying your children life experience is odd. It’s a balance. A couple of nights sharing a hotel room is not breaching their human rights.

out of interest, do you keep track of their phone habits as well? Because that is a breach of privacy, but how do you then safeguard young teens from online inappropriateness by which I mean properly inappropriate like age restricted contend, porn and bullying.

I did it loads as a teenager, completely fine in my book. If parents are going to be sexually inappropriate, they don't need a designated hotel room to do it in.

Also aren’t you actively denying your children’s autonomy by making this decision for them?

surely giving them autonomy would be allowing them to choose whether they want to go on a trip and share a room, or not go at all?

Don’t go. That’s what we did. I posted this much earlier in the thread.

So you believe it better to avoid opportunities for travel and rare, memorable experiences rather than share a room for a couple of nights? I find that an incredibly limited way of thinking and genuinely feel a bit sorry for children whose parents think this way.

@Notanotherusername4321
i’m confused now. How do you cope in swimming pools, restaurants, public spaces? They are public spaces, bedrooms are not public spaces.

what about in a car? That is transport, not a bedroom (under normal circumstances)

i’m not alone the vast majority of the time. Do your teens spend their lives sat in their bedrooms alone? No, but everyone needs a place where they can be alone when they need/want to be. Having an entire holiday with zero privacy denies that.

privacy is important but so is social activity and other experiences. My swimmer dd often shares a changing room post training so she gets chance to chat with her friends. Yes, but that’s irrelevant really

this focus on privacy to the point of denying your children life experience is odd. It’s a balance. A couple of nights sharing a hotel room is not breaching their human rights. I don’t think it’s odd. They get fewer life experiences in return for some modicum of privacy. Extra life experiences isn’t a right like privacy is.

out of interest, do you keep track of their phone habits as well? Because that is a breach of privacy, but how do you then safeguard young teens from online inappropriateness by which I mean properly inappropriate like age restricted contend, porn and bullying.. No, never tracked or snooped their phones. We had a educate on safe internet & SM use policy, plus open door come to us if anything is off. Worked well for us and actually our DC have taught friends how to be safe online because banning and monitoring (followed by confiscation and banning) doesn’t actually teach safety.

I feel just as sorry for your DC being crowded in with you night after night with no privacy.

There’s more to privacy than showering/dressing!

As a matter of fact, my entire extended family think the same. And it’s a bit blackmailish to do a “share or no holiday” ultimatum. We all need our own private space and so we plan around that.

what do you need to do in private beyond showering/toileting/dressing? We are only talking about one night, or a couple of nights.

How is it any different to sharing between siblings? Me and my brothers used to get a family room on holiday and often parents were in another room (often on another floor). We just got changed in the bathroom 🤷‍♀️ or bedrooms depending on the layout, their is nearly 15 years between us all. The eldest used to get the best bed as they had to be the responsible one. We had some great times we still laugh about now. I've also shared with male friends without any issues/approaches.

I feel sorry for your kids. You have some very odd ideas.

DS (14) got into bed with me last week because he was poorly and wanted his Mum. That was his own choice and I’m not about to turn him away and say it’s inappropriate! He’s my son! I grew, birthed and raised him!

He has privacy when he wants it, for example getting dressed and bathing, but that would also be true in a hotel room. All hotel rooms have an ensuite for changing and bathing. How bloody ridiculous.

My ds is a national/British level athlete.

We travel a lot.

We've always shared a twin room and neither of us have ever thought not to.

Same when we've been on holiday.

There's a bathroom for changing. If there's a double and single I always give ds the double too!

Love this.

I feel just as sorry for your DC being crowded in with you night after night with no privacy.

Well it's only ever a couple of nights and we do actually get on really well and enjoy each other's company. I note your previous negative descriptions of how your family might interact if inconvenienced but we are pretty resilient and appreciative of each other so just aren't like that. I think I'd far rather work on getting on better with and appreciating my family, so I could bear to share space with them for a short amount of time, rather than just stay at home, in separate rooms, congratulating ourselves on maintaining our privacy

I share a bed with my 18yr old son when staying at my mums. I have no issue with this, if he does he’s never objected. The only issue is his sleep talking!

I know my DD’s dad wouldn’t find it appropriate to share with her though. I wouldn’t have an issue as I know there’s no issue there (would only have an issue if DD was uncomfortable)

that is excellently put! If you can;t share a room without it being inappropriate, you must be doing something weird.

When my son was 14, I ended up spending 5 days sharing a bed in New York with him. The hotel had mucked up our booking and given us a family room with my friend and her 14 year old. The boys were adamant they weren't going to share a bed (2 × king sized) so we shared with our sons.
Like someone mentioned, it's not like we were sleeping naked, we had pj's on or tracksuits and a bathroom to do any private stuff!

No, it’s not excellently put at all. It’s a disgusting insinuation.

Actually, I still share a bed occasionally with my aunt, if there are other visitors when I stay, I am in my 50s and she is in her 70s.

Still no explanation on what these inappropriate behaviours are!

And the bathroom thing? We only have one bathroom at home. So it's just a shout of "I'm getting in the shower now" so anyone needing the loo can use it then. Even multiple bedroom hotel rooms only have one bathroom don't they?

We spend little time in our room on holidays so being crowded is a non issue. Boys have same bed time as us now, so we have 30 mins reading time and then lights out. I'm the only insomniac, so if I can't sleep I sneak out to the balcony to read.