Is it inappropriate for an opposite sex teen/YA to share a hotel room with parent?

[MrsRobinsonsHandprints]

This was raised on another thread but isn't directly related to the thread so I don't think this is TAAT. Also if you read that thread please don't talk about it, this is a wider question than that situation.

Providing everyone gets on and is happy with it I don't think it is inappropriate for a parent to share a hotel room with their opposite sex child/Young adult. I would go further and say (again providing both sides are happy) that it isn't inappropriate to share with your child at any age.

YABU you shouldn't share with your older child

YANBU, it is a parent child relationship of course it isn't inappropriate.

Teens aren’t going to be ‘happy with it’, even if they put on a brave face and pretend for their parent’s benefit.

Best tell Dd she is wrong to feel fine about it and that she is lying when she says she's happy to do so.

News flash - not all families are the same. Loads of adults and teens are more than happy to share.

Dd is going to be sharing a bedroom with a stranger for 3 months this summer - obviously separate beds. But same bedroom and sharing a bathroom and flat space with several others. We've offered to pay the extra for a single room but she wants the full US 'college' style experience. She won't know the people until she arrives. She's sharing a triple hotel room with two others her age - one male, one female - for a couple of nights beforehand too. She knows those two via SM and meeting up once or twice so far.

Not all young adults are the same about the need for separate rooms.

A human right for a family to be on holiday and in a multi bedroom villa?

This is getting silly. Your are now insisting that it’s a violation on human rights for families to share a room. You seem detached from the reality of how millions of people travel and board.

So? I don’t live by life by what those tossers think is ok.

Exactly this.

That is totally different from it being inappropriate, everything you have mentioned is totally understandable, those things may make it uncomfortable for some people to share and make the holiday not enjoyable, whereas some families wouldn't find these things an issue and would just deal with them.

My DSs know about periods and were taught at school that it's a non issue and to be kind/give privacy in that sort of situation so I would never worry about that. We are all generally thoughtful re using bathroom before showers etc but to be honest it wouldn't really be an issue for us, we'd probably laugh about it same thing happens at home as we dint have the luxury of extra bathrooms at home anyway. We all have kindles/tablets so no bother re lights on etc.

I can honestly say that we holiday several times a year and bunk in together and have never had any problems, the DSs have been offered option of separate rooms and going on a slightly modified trip but both have said no they are not bothered. Worst issue was the complaints about my glittery dress that contaminated the whole room. 8 months later it still gets brought up! DS1 and I are not ones to be naked around people, DS2 and DH are, we all just deal with it like grown ups.

I understand it is possibly easier with boys than girls, however my niece always shares a room with her mum and step dad with no issues.

You know families share a kitchen at home and often a bathroom? Sheets or underwear could be soaking in a bucket in the bathroom. The only issue that is different to home for us is the light when reading one. Luckily most hotel rooms have reading lights. We can relax as we are used to living together in a small house.

Of course it's fine. For many single parent families, it's the only way they can afford a holiday.

Obviously some people with the luxury of raising kids with a partner don't have the imagination for that

No, privacy and autonomy are the human rights.

Not a holiday in a villa 🙄
Its only getting silly because you’re deliberately misrepresenting my words.

You seem detached from the reality of how millions of people travel and board. How is disagreeing with something that exists also being detached from the reality of its existence?

@Onnabugeisha

What you are describing is inconvenience not inappropriateness.
Fine it's your preference, great if you can afford it.
My son would miss out on a lot of holidays and other experiences if we didn't share. We get on well enough to manage a few hours is a hotel room without getting in each others way.

Sharing a bedroom on holiday does not remove your privacy and autonomy. Unless you are holidaying in a Gulag.

And it is not inappropriate. Unfortunately your insistence on calling it inappropriate is making your argument unravel. We all agree that it can be an inconvenience. You could just use the right word and express your argument better.

Call it what you want. Whatever makes you feel better.

To my mind, it’s not inconvenient to share a room because it’s actually the opposite of convenient to save up for separate rooms and spend the extra time find suitable accommodation.

Im taking on extra inconvenience to secure appropriate accommodation for my family size and age.

I'm currently sharing a hotel room with dd9 and Ds13. We have our own beds but both are welcome to get in with me during the night. DH is in room next door with ds15 and ds18. Sometimes the kids swap and ds18 stays in with me and dd9 stays in with her dad.

Obviously we all change in the bathroom. It's no different than being at home and walking around in pj's/loungewear

Yes, and the same inconveniences could come up with a partner, child who is not yet a teen, same sex sibling.

It's fine if the individuals concerned are happy with it.

Yes sharing a room does remove privacy and autonomy. You’re just denying reality by pretending otherwise.

As I have just posted, sharing a room is actually more convenient than securing separate rooms, so that argument is a complete nonstarter.

What are you insinuating? I have a very healthy relationship with my adult DC and did when they were teens. There’s nothing wrong with valuing privacy for yourself and your teen DCs.

Hmm, interesting.

So you're not happy that someone might be insinuating you might have an unhealthy impression of teen/parent relationships.

But you are happy to insinuate that those happy to share, which are the majority on this and other threads and in real life I my experience, might be happy to be inappropriate in the presence of their teens and young adults.

Maybe it's time for you to accept that most people don't feel the same as you and that they have totally appropriate relationships with their family members, whatever age:

But you are happy to insinuate that those happy to share, which are the majority on this and other threads and in real life I my experience, might be happy to be inappropriate in the presence of their teens and young adults.

Bullshit. I have done no such thing. I have only defended myself from those insinuating inappropriate behaviour was happening if my family shared a room. And this has nothing to do with appropriateness of relationships.

Maybe it's time for you to accept that most people don't feel the same as you

Maybe it’s time for you to accept that not everyone agrees with you either. And not fucking act like we are sex obsessed weirdos for valuing privacy and autonomy more than you do.

But you also posted earlier some thing about tea bags and such stuff, which is an inconvenience for you. So is sharing a room inconvenient or inappropriate or is your argument just plain bonkers. Do you even know what point you are trying to make.

Where on earth do these ideas come from?! I sleep next to my son in a campervan. How would that be inappropriate?

But why would it ever be inappropriate?

My middle aged self is happy to share a bed or room with either of my elderly parents and have done so on occasion since childhood.

I don’t understand the concepts expressed around “inappropriate” “privacy” or “dignity” and worry if I did I’d be quite revolted by the insinuations of those terms.

Brilliant !! This made me laugh out loud .
We have 5 teens and we all share in different situations as we travel a lot .
Eldest girl has no problem sharing with her teen brothers.

There must be something seriously deviant in one's mind to sexualise family sharing a room together ? I mean how would that even enter your head ?

I have said what it is? You’re just not understanding me.

You haven't explained WHAT makes it inappropriate. It isn't that people aren't understanding you. It's because you aren't saying what aspect is actually inappropriate.

You don't like it. You dont want to do it. All fine.

But simply saying it's inappropriate for other people isn't explaining WHY you think it is.

What does another person having a reading light on when you are going to sleep have to do with privacy? Teabags running out, poo and periods all happen at home too.

Ds is 14, he is not allowed to stay in a hotel room on his own, hotel rules, not mine.
And anyway he has additional needs so wouldn't be safe on his own.

So if we are to ever go away, we have to share, or get a 2 bedroom cottage, which is so far from affordable to be impossible.

Nothing inappropriate there, but leaving him I. A room alone would certainly not be keeping him safe and so highly unacceptable.