Page 10 | Is it inappropriate for an opposite sex teen/YA to share a hotel room with parent?

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 17:15

BethDuttonsTwin · 29/12/2022 17:01

I feel just as sorry for your DC being crowded in with you night after night with no privacy.

Well it's only ever a couple of nights and we do actually get on really well and enjoy each other's company. I note your previous negative descriptions of how your family might interact if inconvenienced but we are pretty resilient and appreciative of each other so just aren't like that. I think I'd far rather work on getting on better with and appreciating my family, so I could bear to share space with them for a short amount of time, rather than just stay at home, in separate rooms, congratulating ourselves on maintaining our privacy

We get along very well, appreciate each other and spend a lot of fun time together. We just all value and need daily time alone too. I see no reason why perfectly normal introversion is something to be “worked on”.

There is nothing “odd” or “wierd” or “perverse” about it despite these words being used against my view point.

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 17:17

Still no explanation on what these inappropriate behaviours are!
Because I’ve said over and over this has nothing to do with inappropriate behaviours. It’s other posters trying to create the narrative that it is.

Clymene · 29/12/2022 17:20

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 17:17

Still no explanation on what these inappropriate behaviours are!
Because I’ve said over and over this has nothing to do with inappropriate behaviours. It’s other posters trying to create the narrative that it is.

What it is then?

If a teenage child of the opposite sex to their parent is happy to share a room with them, what is the issue?

Athenen0ctua · 29/12/2022 17:20

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 17:15

We get along very well, appreciate each other and spend a lot of fun time together. We just all value and need daily time alone too. I see no reason why perfectly normal introversion is something to be “worked on”.

There is nothing “odd” or “wierd” or “perverse” about it despite these words being used against my view point.

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DS and I both enjoy time to ourselves too. We don't need a wall between us for that. I can be reading a book on one bed and he can be on a tablet on the other, not talking or disturbing each other. We respect each other's space in that way the same as we share a sitting room in the evening.

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 17:24

Clymene · 29/12/2022 17:20

What it is then?

If a teenage child of the opposite sex to their parent is happy to share a room with them, what is the issue?

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If everyone’s happy it’s fine. But this thread was inspired by another thread in which the teen boy was very pissed off to be sharing a room with his mother such that he locked her out of the room.

That’s the original context to which I responded. if the teen DC is not happy, or faking being happy, it’s not appropriate. And it’s not appropriate to assume or do emotional blackmail ultimatums of “share or no trip/holiday) either.

Teens have a right to privacy and autonomy, if you’re going to infringe on that, it has to be with their free consent.

Lcb123 · 29/12/2022 17:27

I think it’s fine for holidays/trips/odd visits.

IneedanewTV · 29/12/2022 17:28

I’ve had some fantastic holidays with my sons, sharing rooms. And will continue to do so. I’m really careful to respect their privacy. If they need space I’m happy to sit in the bar for a drink. It’s called give or take and family life.

I also shared a touring caravan with my parents for our holidays in the 1980s. Great memories. But I suppose touring caravans, like a tent are a no go now as they are inappropriate.

Schoolchoicesucks · 29/12/2022 17:30

Dsis and I shared hotel rooms with my dad as late teens on holiday after DM died. Not beds though. We'd all change separately in the bathroom.

DBIL has shared a room with his 20 year old DD when he's dropped her at uni - same scenario of separate beds. My opposite sex dc are young teen and pre-teen. Pre-teen will still (very) occasionally climb into bed with me if we are away somewhere without dh or if dh is away.

I don't think it's inappropriate.

Clymene · 29/12/2022 17:40

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 29/12/2022 12:53

This was raised on another thread but isn't directly related to the thread so I don't think this is TAAT. Also if you read that thread please don't talk about it, this is a wider question than that situation.

Providing everyone gets on and is happy with it I don't think it is inappropriate for a parent to share a hotel room with their opposite sex child/Young adult. I would go further and say (again providing both sides are happy) that it isn't inappropriate to share with your child at any age.

YABU you shouldn't share with your older child

YANBU, it is a parent child relationship of course it isn't inappropriate.

I know it's considered bad form to quote the OP of a thread but I'm just doing it here as this is the thread I'm responding to.

@Onnabugeisha - if all your posts on here were responding to a completely different thread, perhaps you should post on that one instead?

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 17:42

Clymene · 29/12/2022 17:40

I know it's considered bad form to quote the OP of a thread but I'm just doing it here as this is the thread I'm responding to.

@Onnabugeisha - if all your posts on here were responding to a completely different thread, perhaps you should post on that one instead?

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That thread was deleted….

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 29/12/2022 17:45

I have a 16yo dd (so same sex as me) and we shared a room on our recent holiday abroad, there's no way I could afford separate rooms.

I didn't really think about it and we both had a lovely holiday 🤷‍♀️

I think if I had a teen son I would insist of separate beds though!!

Clymene · 29/12/2022 17:49

But why are you replying to that thread @Onnabugeisha?
The OP of this one clearly says:

Providing everyone gets on and is happy with it I don't think it is inappropriate for a parent to share a hotel room with their opposite sex child/Young adult. I would go further and say (again providing both sides are happy) that it isn't inappropriate to share with your child at any age.

So are you saying that actually if everyone is fine with it, it's not a problem and we should disregard the 50+ posts you've made saying it inappropriate?

Athenen0ctua · 29/12/2022 17:49

Teens have a right to privacy and autonomy, if you’re going to infringe on that, it has to be with their free consent.
This is not what you have been saying throughout this thread, you've been saying that it's simply inappropriate to share.

The concept of personal space can vary between individuals and situations. A home can be a personal space, or a bedroom, or just a bunk and locker. Most people are happy with less space to themselves for the sake of a holiday or other short term situation.

Sunnytwobridges · 29/12/2022 17:49

I knew my dad slept in the nude when I was a teen so I would've felt weird sharing a room with him as I'd be anxious if he would wear something to bed or not 😂

professionalnomad · 29/12/2022 17:50

Gosh I'm 40 and I still share a room with my mum when I go on holiday
We can't afford separate rooms for our kids if staying in hotels - as we only use the room for sleeping no one minds very much. If they do - they are welcome to pay for their own room!

sst1234 · 29/12/2022 17:53

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 16:15

As a matter of fact, my entire extended family think the same. And it’s a bit blackmailish to do a “share or no holiday” ultimatum. We all need our own private space and so we plan around that.

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So sharing is now blackmail meaning that notional abuse, as well as human rights infringement. It is so hard to take this nonsense seriously.

SkiingIsHeaven · 29/12/2022 17:55

We have done it for university open days when they are far away. Always get twin beds definitely not a double. Neither of us would be happy with a double bed.

Always get changed in the bathroom and give each other as much privacy as possible.

Notanotherusername4321 · 29/12/2022 17:57

Teens have a right to privacy and autonomy, if you’re going to infringe on that, it has to be with their free consent

you aren’t giving them the autonomy to make the decision with free consent though.

you are making the decision for them. You make the decision not to go away because you think they need their own rooms.

where’s their autonomy and free consent there? They aren’t consenting to missing opportunities because of your no sharing rooms rule.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 29/12/2022 17:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 18:00

Notanotherusername4321 · 29/12/2022 17:57

Teens have a right to privacy and autonomy, if you’re going to infringe on that, it has to be with their free consent

you aren’t giving them the autonomy to make the decision with free consent though.

you are making the decision for them. You make the decision not to go away because you think they need their own rooms.

where’s their autonomy and free consent there? They aren’t consenting to missing opportunities because of your no sharing rooms rule.

No I’m not. I’ve already told you that is not the case. We all agree on this.

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 18:02

Clymene · 29/12/2022 17:49

But why are you replying to that thread @Onnabugeisha?
The OP of this one clearly says:

Providing everyone gets on and is happy with it I don't think it is inappropriate for a parent to share a hotel room with their opposite sex child/Young adult. I would go further and say (again providing both sides are happy) that it isn't inappropriate to share with your child at any age.

So are you saying that actually if everyone is fine with it, it's not a problem and we should disregard the 50+ posts you've made saying it inappropriate?

I suspected our OP is also the OP from the deleted thread with a name change who has started this thread and deliberately left out critical context in order to get a vote going her way.

FatGirlSwim · 29/12/2022 18:08

I would and do share a hotel room with ds (16) but wouldn’t share a double bed with him.

Athenen0ctua · 29/12/2022 18:11

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 18:02

I suspected our OP is also the OP from the deleted thread with a name change who has started this thread and deliberately left out critical context in order to get a vote going her way.

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I don't know all the rules but I suspect you aren't meant to respond to a deleted thread on a new (even if related) thread.

Isittimeformynapyet · 29/12/2022 18:11

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 15:00

It’s inappropriate due to lack of privacy and autonomy.

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Seems most posters and their family members have autonomously agreed, as individuals, to share a room.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/12/2022 18:12

@Onnabugeisha

’a litter of puppies’

ooo that’s a lovely image! When I read that I saw all those little furry ones snuggling up with each other, keeping each other warm and happy. Just like a family, really.