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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests taking food home

379 replies

LakeFlyPie · 29/12/2022 07:43

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bernardo1 · 30/12/2022 20:14

So next time, you open all their bottles immediately to use. Only open more of yours when theirs finished. Nothing for them to take home.

This is a good policy generally.
I've often had people bringing me unremarkable, if not downright crappy wine. The look on their face, when I say, " lovely we'll open yours next".
Of course it works the other way, take a decent bottle and it will disappear for later consumption.

ellyeth · 30/12/2022 20:22

Awful bad manners. Either take something and leave it, or don't take it at all.

I don't think it is acceptable, even if it is a bottle of spirits. The host has gone to some trouble and expense and contributions should be given freely and without strings.

Sometimes a host will ask people to take what remains to avoid it being wasted - then it is acceptable.

Happygirl79 · 30/12/2022 20:34

I would find it rude unless they were invited to take the leftovers. Sounds very grabby and a bit mean spirited to me

IDontWantToBeAPie · 30/12/2022 20:35

If you don't take your Tupperware home you rarely get it back. Would you like them to make a big show and dance of where you'd like the 3 spoons of pasta or the 4 mince pies to be put so they can take their property home? 😂 Who cares

BaconChops · 30/12/2022 20:49

Ye I’m with you on this, it’s a contribution and as such should be left. Not good etiquette to parcel it up and take home!

AnnieSnap · 30/12/2022 20:51

I think it’s weird and rude. It would never occur to me to do this and I have never seen it done 🤷‍♀️

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/12/2022 20:53

IDontWantToBeAPie · 30/12/2022 20:35

If you don't take your Tupperware home you rarely get it back. Would you like them to make a big show and dance of where you'd like the 3 spoons of pasta or the 4 mince pies to be put so they can take their property home? 😂 Who cares

I buy disposable plastic tubs from pound shop to take food in,so no worries about retrieving dishes,and tubs later

ShakeYourFeathers · 30/12/2022 21:13

They're CF's situations like this we offer people to take leftover otherwise the food would be wasted otherwise. But to take it uninvited is rude

whatadoodledo · 30/12/2022 21:18

AcadeMama · 30/12/2022 18:54

Im my social circles most people offer food to take away, e.g. if there are leftovers a few people might take some home for the following day. I've never considered ot rude or unusual.

I feel like when it's offered that's different (it's not rude) but if you're a guest and you pack and take food that you brought along (that was not offered back) then that is rude.

GUARDIAN1 · 30/12/2022 21:27

I wouldn't bring it home. If I've taken something as a contribution to friends who are hosting us, I'd consider whatever is left over is theirs.

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/12/2022 22:06

GUARDIAN1 · 30/12/2022 21:27

I wouldn't bring it home. If I've taken something as a contribution to friends who are hosting us, I'd consider whatever is left over is theirs.

Yes, indeed I would too

CountessWindyBottom · 30/12/2022 22:14

That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. How rude and how bizarre. I can’t believe that this is actually a thing!

muchado · 30/12/2022 22:41

Well I went to a party once where the hostess made a point of throwing whole platefuls of food into the bin in front of me; just because she knew that my income was tight and that I was usually hungry! What a spiteful cow she was. I say let people take the leftovers home if they need them...!

Alici · 30/12/2022 22:45

My ex, who was very wealthy, would take something to a party and purposely not touch it. He would eat other peoples foods and then always retrieve and take his item home. He would also, more often than not, take other peoples leftovers. Going home from a party with a large tupperware container of cheese he hadn't paid for was a huge success for him. It used to mortify me.

NoNameNowAgain · 30/12/2022 22:56

I think it’s a relatively modern and informal thing for guests to bring food to be eaten at someone else’s house.
It’s not really surprising that people disagree on the surrounding etiquette. Technically the host should probably insist on supplying all the food.

caringcarer · 30/12/2022 23:03

When I host I am pleased for people to take some leftovers home as there is only so much we can eat and I would feel bad if it was just left to go off. Eg no one in our house likes Xmas pudding or mince pies so I don't want them left with me or they'd go straight in the bin. I went to my D's for Xmas dinner. He sent me home with rest of turkey and beef because he was then out for Boxing day, 27th and 28th and did not want to have to deal with it on 29th when he got back.

Benjispruce4 · 30/12/2022 23:07

Taking when offered is fine. Helping themselves is not.

Meadowland · 30/12/2022 23:16

We have an agreement with friends that we rotate hosting. Host does main, and 2 other couples do starter and dessert. They take what's left of what they brought home as minimal clearing up and washing dishes for host.
Works a treat as removes all stress for host.

Ivyonafence · 30/12/2022 23:21

@Zone2NorthLondon

'I buy disposable plastic tubs from pound shop to take food in,so no worries about retrieving dishes,and tubs later'

Never mind the planet I guess.

Tonymate · 30/12/2022 23:25

There'd be exceptions, but I'd say the rule is, anything you've brought, you leave. On the other hand, taking away your host's leftovers (if invited) is a compliment, but that's quite a different matter.

Salome61 · 30/12/2022 23:30

I hosted my husband's whole family for his funeral, and understand your upset. On the morning his cousin was leaving her husband was standing at the oven cooking my sausages 'for the journey'.

I was so numb I suppose I should have offered to make them sandwiches to take, but I was exhausted after hosting seven people at such a stressful time.

Dibbydoos · 30/12/2022 23:33

When we have gatherings some people are encouraged to take the excess cos otherwise it'll go to waste. I tend to leave what I've brought because it's extra to what I need esp alcohol.

I once had a neighbour rock up with 2 sausages and 2 burgers for a bbq and tgey wanted steak, lamb and chops. My hubby cooked tgeir food for them like he did for everyone else, CFs! I provided all the salads, bread, chips and dips plus our meat which was steak, lamb and chops...!

VeganStar · 30/12/2022 23:46

The only place I go where I take food and drink is my DBs and SIL
I take wine for sil, Jack Daniels for my db and gin for myself.
sil and myself will share the wine and gin. My db will give me some jd but won’t have gin because he hates it. I’ll take my gin home and the food I took, only because it’s vegan and they won’t touch it,unless it’s vegan trifle which they love so I will leave that.

Runnerduck34 · 31/12/2022 00:06

I think its a bit rude.
I wouldn't do it unless the host told me to.
I see a contribution of food and drink as a gift so I wouldn't expect to take any leftovers back with me.

Aly1977 · 31/12/2022 00:22

Really!? Well I’m 45 and my aunt and mum and friends would all take a platter of food round one or there’s with us kiddos each Friday night and we’d tuck in I don’t think it’s a modern thing in the U.K. x