Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests taking food home

379 replies

LakeFlyPie · 29/12/2022 07:43

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
Kalasbyxor · 29/12/2022 08:12

I can't get worked up about it. I've been socialised to think it's a bit pathetic and weird, but actually, it makes sense. I don't necessarily want half a terrine of dauphinoise or a massive sourdough loaf or six carved up artisanal cheeses knocking around after my guests have left. And definitely no sweet things like chocolates, biscuits or cakes. On reflection, I'm going to go against the grain and say I'd much rather my guests helped with the tidy up by taking with them what they brought. It'll definitely be wasted otherwise.

demotedreally · 29/12/2022 08:13

Reply to a couple of comments:

My sister won't eat the cake. She isn't a cake person. It won't need repackaging because it is still in the box I brought it in.

She will also offer around other leftovers which she doesn't want to eat.

We also contributed to the meal by bringing the starter. She wasn't the host of it all, she was the location of it all. We are family, and don't stand on ceremony.

Although our friends would also do this too, take or leave as the occasion demands.

Fortunately we have voices and are able to discuss things without taking offence at stuff.

pompomdaisy · 29/12/2022 08:15

It's generally people who were never taught how to give. They are not aware of the rules of gift giving. Pity them.

quietlycontent · 29/12/2022 08:18

I think offering it to the guests is not the same as them 'taking it home' so for example my ILs I offered them some turkey to take home we had plenty and they were grateful. They would never have asked for the rest of the Christmas pud they brought though

MrsClatterbuck · 29/12/2022 08:18

noworklifebalance · 29/12/2022 07:56

But why take those things home?
She is your sister, presumably you get on with her if you have made a cake, shared some booze and are staying over.

Show quote history

So you are her guest availing of her hospitality so brought her food gifts and are going to take them back. Unless you are going to tell us that she initiated it.

Lndnmummy · 29/12/2022 08:20

Never seen this but how rude

FarFlungFlamingo · 29/12/2022 08:22

I'm not sure I see food that has been brought for a shared meal/event as a gift tbh, especially not long family when everyone is chipping in.

Rinatinabina · 29/12/2022 08:22

My cousins did this after my grans funeral and not everyone had eaten. Honestly I think it’s shockingly rude. We always say to guests “help yourself” to whatever’s left but yeah I wouldn’t do it and wouldn’t be impressed of someone else did it.

Beetlewings · 29/12/2022 08:22

Beyond rude! But useful because it's an insight into their general conscientious-ness.
My ex's sister and bil did this a few Christmases ago. (The last time I ever saw them) They also told me my son was "fat" (he was severely depressed and body dystrophic at the time) and complained that I 'wasted turkey' by feeding the leftovers to my dog

BarrelOfOtters · 29/12/2022 08:22

Family and close friends is different. I’d never just take it as read though! But I wouldn’t be surprised at them saying we won’t eat that/drink that take it home.

thinking about it if I’d made a big pudding and only a bit got eaten I might ask do you want me to take that back home?

SilverLilacLilac · 29/12/2022 08:24

demotedreally · 29/12/2022 07:46

I'm fine with this, we do it or don't do it depending what it is.

I'm staying at my sister's at the moment. I will bring home the rest of the cake I made, remainder of the half drunk bottle of gin I brought but not the wine, if it didn't all get drunk.

It’s very rude, and I’m sure your sister must think so too

comingintomyown · 29/12/2022 08:24

I was taken aback when guests who had come for dinner and brought alcohol went to the fridge at the end of the evening and removed everything they had brought with them that was left. Over all my hosting years never seen that before and it’s only this group that do it, oh and they will also arrive sometimes with a series of opened bottles of wine !
Still I should add they bring flowers or chocolates too so they aren’t stingy

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/12/2022 08:24

it's rude. I'd be very unimpressed if a guest did this

Twiglets1 · 29/12/2022 08:24

It’s obviously different if the host is pressing you to take back stuff that you bought because their family won’t use it.
But to just take your stuff back without being asked to? Rude.

baublesandbreakdowns · 29/12/2022 08:25

In my close group of friends, if we're meeting for drinks and everyone brings what they're drinking we'd send them home with the rest of their bottle of gin/vodka/whatever.
I don't want their booze and some are on low incomes so can't always afford to spend 15 quid on a bottle of spirits and leave it there each time.

We do joke that there'll be a large bottle of absolut travelling round all our houses as my mate doesn't drink at home at all.

If it was a dinner party and we'd brought wine or cake of course we'd leave it but the host might send it home which is different of course.

So it's not necessarily rude but in this situation it does come across as grabby.

cptartapp · 29/12/2022 08:26

PIL do this. But they bring very little anyway.

Beetlewings · 29/12/2022 08:26

Dysmorphic not dystrophic - which I've just had to google😬

FancyFanny · 29/12/2022 08:27

I think it's rude to take leftovers back home- I wouldn't bring anything to a gathering that I wanted to keep for myself- it's always a gift for the host. Likewise as the host- it's rude to give your guests back food they have brought for you!

The only time it's acceptable to give guests food to take home is after a party where there are lots of leftovers which the host clearly won't be able to finish and then a 'doggy bag' for guests is ok (as long as its food you made too- not just the thing the guest brought)

BaublesandBangles · 29/12/2022 08:29

I'd tell them to take it home, rather than it going to waste.

BenoitBlanc · 29/12/2022 08:29

This is standard where I live. Someone will come to a bbq with 6 beers, drink 5 of them and take the 6th home with them. I will never not find it weird.

Oysterbabe · 29/12/2022 08:30

It's definitely rude and I wouldn't dream of doing it. I did have a little pang of regret leaving behind a lovely bottle of red that we didn't round to drinking.

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 29/12/2022 08:30

Depends how you see leftovers

so much stuff I don’t like I’d be happy for other people to take home (eg blue cheese, leftover food that I do not like the next day, such as cold roast potatoes or cold Christmas pudding)

Doingmybest12 · 29/12/2022 08:31

I have done this once when my SiLand BIL spectacularly under catered (again) after many visits to us when we always provided more than enough . Petty I know!

Nirvanarama · 29/12/2022 08:32

No, rude and a bit weird to take something back. Its kind of like a gift isn't it?

We once bought a birthday cake for MIL to have at our house, and at the end of the day she took the rest home with her (at least half of a very large chocolate cake) I guess it was for her birthday, but she lives alone and our kids were 😨watching all the cake leave with her. She could have at least left some for them. I was baffled at the time that she was planning to eat it all herself, it was so much cake!

OzziePopPop · 29/12/2022 08:32

How rude!

Unless the host offers (and presses) then this is so rude…