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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests taking food home

379 replies

LakeFlyPie · 29/12/2022 07:43

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
YDBear · 30/12/2022 19:13

Hard to believe that people actually do this. But then it’s just part of the general level of uncouthness without which we wouldn’t have AIBU.

CherryRipe1 · 30/12/2022 19:13

I've never come across this. Went to a wedding once where the mother of the bride boxed up the uncut wedding cake & nobody got a slice and a funeral wake where an extended family member rocked up preprepared with tupperware and packed up the food that was uneaten as a given. Zero waste & all that but the bereaved family were somewhat embarrassed.

RubyPeridot · 30/12/2022 19:13

You guys would absolutely hate to be at my family functions because this is standard practice 😂

Amanteani · 30/12/2022 19:13

I have a SIL who does this. She's OCD and a penny pincher. Incredibly rude to bring a food gift and take it home if it's not finished. I no longer invite her to anything. Long story...

Sainte · 30/12/2022 19:17

Bad manners unless the host insists. Even then I don’t agree with this. Very very inappropriate.

Maggiethecat · 30/12/2022 19:18

We usually invite guests to take back their gifts if they were unopened/unused during their visit and sometimes to take stuff that we prepared.

But I’d find it odd if a guest, uninvited, took back gifts they brought. It seems less of a gift if this is done.

cansu · 30/12/2022 19:18

I agree this is very rude unless the host offers it.

Bluesandwhites · 30/12/2022 19:21

I have not read full thread, but maybe the current price of food and drink has changed the behaviour of guests who bring food? If people see that the food is not being consumed, they don't want to see it wasted due to the price they paid for it.

Bluesandwhites · 30/12/2022 19:23

Just to add, I know of a professional couple who are both on top salaries, who put the left overs from restaurant meals into tupperware containers to take home !

dreamer1995 · 30/12/2022 19:24

Wow! Can't believe anyone would actually do this 🤣
If you're taking food and drink to someone's house, then that is a gift that you are giving them.

I wouldn't invite them back.

wentworthinmate · 30/12/2022 19:24

CF's if you haven't asked them to.

blueshoes · 30/12/2022 19:25

Bluesandwhites · 30/12/2022 19:23

Just to add, I know of a professional couple who are both on top salaries, who put the left overs from restaurant meals into tupperware containers to take home !

Hope it is just their own leftovers.

BadNomad · 30/12/2022 19:27

Would you eat and drink all the leftovers, or just throw them out? I actually don't know any hosts who don't tell you to take leftovers home. In fact, some of my friends divide it up into "snack boxes" at the end of the night to give to parting guests. Seems kind of greedy to hold on to food or drink and wasteful to just bin it.

Sciennes · 30/12/2022 19:31

It’s rude but I see it happen more & more.
Fine if the host offers back (even then the default should be to decline) but is reasonable to take If too much food/are pressed.
I just think people are generally much more entitled about what’s ‘mine’ than used to be

BarrelOfOtters · 30/12/2022 19:32

Does seem to be cultural….

ilovesushi · 30/12/2022 19:32

I think it depends how close and easy your relationship is. With my DM we just openly ask each other "will you eat the rest of that or shall I take some with me?" or "I'll never get through all of this, take some back." Would do the same with one DB but not the other.

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/12/2022 19:34

My friends/family and I discuss what we're doing with left overs... its never the case that one person packs up and takes - we sort out who brought what, who wants what and divvy it up fairly.

I never take stuff with and assume it will come back with me, but I do assume there will be discussion and fair distribution rather than one person grabbing!

mumindoghouse · 30/12/2022 19:35

This may depend on your culture. In my husband’s culture, everyone brings a lot and everyone leaves with “take away” of an assortment of the dishes available. That way no-one has to cook again the next day and nothing goes to waste. It’s rather lovely.

SirMingeALot · 30/12/2022 19:38

mumindoghouse · 30/12/2022 19:35

This may depend on your culture. In my husband’s culture, everyone brings a lot and everyone leaves with “take away” of an assortment of the dishes available. That way no-one has to cook again the next day and nothing goes to waste. It’s rather lovely.

We do that sometimes as well.

NorthernM0nkey · 30/12/2022 19:44

I think it’s exceptionally rude.

You’ve been invited to someone’s home as a guest and have had the good and correct manners to bring something as a way of saying thank you to your hosts. You don’t take back.

It’s also a contribution given that it’s highly doubtful you’ll be helping with the cleaning before and after, the bills etc and the hosts generally organising and hosting.

The only exceptions I could imagine are if the hosts ask if you want some leftovers or if it’s special food that would be wasted if left.

If you really need to take a quarter bottle of gin home then stay at home you tight ass.

Buffs · 30/12/2022 19:52

Might this not be a cultural thing? As a Brit in the US I was amazed to be sent home with the food I’d made and taken to a dinner party. I’ve noticed Americans tend to take food to parties and then take home what isn’t eaten.

Missyc11 · 30/12/2022 19:54

I'm embarrassed for them, I wouldn't dream of doing that.

Jackster11 · 30/12/2022 20:02

I do not find this rude at all. I’m sure I have repackaged and taken home on the basis that it’s less food waste for host to dispose of afterwards (especially if there is lots of leftovers)

Mary54 · 30/12/2022 20:04

Would not normally expect people to do this but depends on the situation. We shared Christmas prep with out dd‘s parents in law. We hosted the traditional German Christmas Eve meal due to space issues but they brought and cooked the food. DH and I cooked an English version on Christmas Day. We were delighted that they took the Christmas Eve leftovers home with them as we didn’t have sufficient fridge space. We kept the Christmas Day leftovers

Mothership4two · 30/12/2022 20:05

The first year we had PIL for Christmas dinner, along with other family members, they offered to provide the turkey which we gratefully accepted. We were surprised when they packed it up afterwards and took it home. We cook our own turkey now