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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests taking food home

379 replies

LakeFlyPie · 29/12/2022 07:43

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheWheelsHaveComeOff · 30/12/2022 18:32

I'm on the opposite end if attending an event hosted by MIL. She not only makes us take back our leftover contributions, but she offloads other guests contributions on to us too. She may as well say "I don't want your shit or anyone elses. I don't want to offend my other guests though, but I really don't mind offending you because your feelings are less worthy, so you can have both your gifted shit and theirs"

amispeakingintongues · 30/12/2022 18:33

Terribly rude, but I don’t think the people doing it intend it to be rude. It’s a weird one. Don’t lose sleep over it.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/12/2022 18:35

they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution)

Would you actually have eaten them all? Or just chuck 'em in the recycle bin?

RachelGreeneGreep · 30/12/2022 18:39

elephantsbreafh · 30/12/2022 18:12

I was dating someone once a while back. He came round to watch a movie and brought a share size bag of crisps. We ate about half of them. At the end of the night he took the half eaten bag of crisps with him…

I hope you took that as a sign 😁...

Anyway, nope, one of my siblings often has gatherings at her house, everyone brings wine or food. Nobody takes anything back. It wouldn't even occur to any of us.

If there's a gathering at my parents house, there's no point leaving tons of food, as both are elderly and don't eat very much party food. They insist on leftovers being taken away by anyone who will use them.

pinkpantherpink · 30/12/2022 18:40

TennyTroo · 29/12/2022 07:49

Oh my god I would never take home leftovers from someone else's house! Regardless of whether I initially bought it along.

That's bloody cheeky and grabby.

I lost a beloved salad bowl once...took a salad to a BBQ at a friend's (not close) and of course left the salad there for them to finish...after a few days I asked for it back "oh I'm just popping by..." sort of thing, but had no reply, I called and messaged, even went and knocked twice- no answer, to be honest I forgot about it then heard 6 months later through a mutual friend they'd moved!

Now I take food in plastic containers that I'm not precious about! Sorry for the tangent there...

RIP the salad bowl. I'd be gutted too.

whatadoodledo · 30/12/2022 18:40

I wonder if this sort of behaviour existed 30 or 40 years ago? I'm wondering if some areas of society are just becoming ruder basically?

Xmasbaby11 · 30/12/2022 18:41

Rude in that situation. I host quite often and it's a lot of work and expense - it's a bonus if there's a bottle of wine or some nice leftovers which then saves me money and time. For example, at my last book group, I was left with some unopened crisps and olives, and an open bottle of wine and dips.

Of course if there is excess prepared food, it is normal to encourage guests to take some home, and that is completely different, and probably wouldn't even be what they brought themselves.

I do think homemade food is a bit different though - people may have put effort in and worry it will be thrown away?

Blossomtoes · 30/12/2022 18:44

whatadoodledo · 30/12/2022 18:40

I wonder if this sort of behaviour existed 30 or 40 years ago? I'm wondering if some areas of society are just becoming ruder basically?

It didn’t. You’re absolutely right, the increase in rudeness is exponential.

ganachee · 30/12/2022 18:45

Unless the host offers, I would not do that.

EerieSilence · 30/12/2022 18:48

I would ask if the host can cope with the leftovers or if we should take them home. If you're a host and have a small family, being stuck with leftovers can be a nuisance as you just end up throwing lots away, which is a pity.

fetchacloth · 30/12/2022 18:48

I wouldn't let their problem become yours OP.
Some peoples' attitudes baffle me too but these days I let it go😎

maddy68 · 30/12/2022 18:49

I have no issue with that. Particularly as they will be transporting the dishes they brought them in

EstherGreenwood19 · 30/12/2022 18:53

I mean, I wouldn’t do it myself but so much food gets wasted I admire their brazenness. Plus we all get some things wrong and I wish we were all more forgiving. It didn’t harm anyone after all.

Believeitornot · 30/12/2022 18:53

We recently had a family gathering and actively encouraged people to take any spare food with them. I’d have offered the drinks too but we didn’t have a huge amount left!

AcadeMama · 30/12/2022 18:54

Im my social circles most people offer food to take away, e.g. if there are leftovers a few people might take some home for the following day. I've never considered ot rude or unusual.

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/12/2022 18:55

You are NBU!

Unless you tell them to take it, that is v v rude!

Soontobemum5 · 30/12/2022 18:55

Very rude indeed. Basic manners: always wait for the host to offer leftovers! One of my baby shower guests helped herself to several tupperware filled with food - none of which she made/brought - knowing that I was due to host a second group that evening. I was forced to order in pizzas. When I raised it with her, she wasn't apologetic and even accused me of overreacting. I haven't invited her over since!

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/12/2022 18:56

AcadeMama · 30/12/2022 18:54

Im my social circles most people offer food to take away, e.g. if there are leftovers a few people might take some home for the following day. I've never considered ot rude or unusual.

It isn’t, but that’s because the host has offered them. It is rude to just take an item you have brought as an offering/gift.

blueshoes · 30/12/2022 18:58

I don't really care. When we host we end up with so much leftovers that we don't have enough fridge space for it all. Therefore, we are quite grateful if guests help themselves. It also saves me having to decant it from the containers they brought it in (because I would expect they want their containers back).

Chattycathydoll · 30/12/2022 19:01

It shocked you, so presumably in that setting it’s rude.

Really depends imho. I’ll leave a portion for my brother’s girlfriend if he’s hosted but take the rest back as I know it would stress him out having a large amount of leftovers and unfamiliar containers (ASD). Or if we had a gathering at my flat when I lived in a really small place with half size fridge and 2 week bin collections, I just didn’t have space for all the leftovers so when the night was winding down anything on the side was fair game. But then everyone knew that, it was established. If not… and not something obvious like overfilled half height fridge… it’s rude!

purplevamp · 30/12/2022 19:03

I always think that if you don't want to leave something at someone's house then don't bring it. I always take food and drink to other people's houses whenever I get invited but would never dream of brining it back with me. My sister, on the other hand, wouldn't think twice about taking things back. She once brought a "not quite complete" gateau from her works Christmas party, we ate around half of it between 6 of us and she took the remaining half home. 🙄

Notimeforaname · 30/12/2022 19:03

Omg my sister does this. For Christmas dinner, all she and her family brought was dessert and when it wasn't eaten..tried to shove it back in a bag to take home. It had melted too much and needed to be frozen or thrown away by this point. She didn't look happy about leaving it here.

If she drops in other times with cake or
biscuits, again she will wrap up what hasn't been eaten during her visit to take home. She often cuts the smallest biscuits and cakes in half. And will wrap up a half if it's not eaten. Looks so mean.

tigger1001 · 30/12/2022 19:03

Doingmybest12 · 29/12/2022 08:35

I don't think the birthday cake example is rude if it was her birthday cake, surely you offered it to her to take ?

I agree. The birthday cake is given to the person who's birthday it is. I don't understand why they wouldn't take it home with them. I would find it more strange if they left it.Maybe she was expecting guests the next day.

I wouldn't take food home, unless the host insisted. But it's common here to take wine as a gift to the host, but to also take your own spirits etc and to take these home after.

h1nch · 30/12/2022 19:04

Several years ago I hosted a large birthday party for my boyfriend. I bought and made all the good. The next morning after returning from a walk I went to get leftovers to heat up for lunch. I was informed quite matter-a-factly and utterly without embarrassment or shame by my bf mum that his sister had taken all the leftovers!! Honestly, if she had brought the food and taken it back I wouldn’t have been bothered in the slightest but I was very annoyed she would take it without even asking

surreygirl1987 · 30/12/2022 19:11

Yeh I think this is rude. My brother did this on Christmas day! I wasn't hugely bothered about it but did think it was poor etiquette. He took the remainder of the dessert he bought and also the remainder of the side dish he brought. I wouldn't mind so much but I'd spent a fortune on hosting Christmas Dinner and a Christmas eve buffet, and felt it was a bit off! I let it go though - would just spoil the happy atmosphere if I said anything.