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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests taking food home

379 replies

LakeFlyPie · 29/12/2022 07:43

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
demotedreally · 29/12/2022 07:46

I'm fine with this, we do it or don't do it depending what it is.

I'm staying at my sister's at the moment. I will bring home the rest of the cake I made, remainder of the half drunk bottle of gin I brought but not the wine, if it didn't all get drunk.

MumBusy · 29/12/2022 07:47

I think it’s rude but see it happen all the time

uhOhOP · 29/12/2022 07:47

I'm not sure why people do this, and I never know what to do or say when I see it happening. I usually just say to myself in my head that if they need the food back that much, let them have it! I suppose that's the only attitude to have, really. Or you could try to make a good effort, next time, to finish off the food they've brought so that they can't take it back with them 🤣

Whee · 29/12/2022 07:47

Agree OP, unless the host offers and you know it's something they won't use (such as something dairy free, if you eat dairy free and they like real butter or whatever).

MolesOnPoles · 29/12/2022 07:47

They were rude, but unless they’re more generally grabby and thoughtless I probably wouldn’t dwell on it.

olympicsrock · 29/12/2022 07:47

I’m with you OP. Contributions are a gift for the host to finish

Panicmode1 · 29/12/2022 07:48

Do people really do this?? I've never seen it happen. It's so rude!

TennyTroo · 29/12/2022 07:49

Oh my god I would never take home leftovers from someone else's house! Regardless of whether I initially bought it along.

That's bloody cheeky and grabby.

I lost a beloved salad bowl once...took a salad to a BBQ at a friend's (not close) and of course left the salad there for them to finish...after a few days I asked for it back "oh I'm just popping by..." sort of thing, but had no reply, I called and messaged, even went and knocked twice- no answer, to be honest I forgot about it then heard 6 months later through a mutual friend they'd moved!

Now I take food in plastic containers that I'm not precious about! Sorry for the tangent there...

Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 07:50

Rude and strange behaviour.

WingingIt101 · 29/12/2022 07:50

I also think it's rude and wouldn't do it. However at Christmas especially there is so much food and leftovers that I might be grateful some got taken away!

Weird of them but not enough for me to lose any sleep over

Tallulasdancingshoes · 29/12/2022 07:52

I would never dream of take leftovers home. It’s a gift - just so rude.

noworklifebalance · 29/12/2022 07:52

They are either struggling or very very stingy. Different if the host suggests packing everyone off with various bits of leftovers.
I would probably mark them in my head as someone who would not ever put themselves out to help a friend - perhaps wrongly at times but not a great impression of their character. Not to say that the converse is necessarily true.

fruitypancake · 29/12/2022 07:53

Happens to us with sister in law AB's MIL every time

NancyJoan · 29/12/2022 07:55

Very rude, I feel embarrassed for anyone who does it.

noworklifebalance · 29/12/2022 07:56

demotedreally · 29/12/2022 07:46

I'm fine with this, we do it or don't do it depending what it is.

I'm staying at my sister's at the moment. I will bring home the rest of the cake I made, remainder of the half drunk bottle of gin I brought but not the wine, if it didn't all get drunk.

But why take those things home?
She is your sister, presumably you get on with her if you have made a cake, shared some booze and are staying over.

Paq · 29/12/2022 07:56

WingingIt101 · 29/12/2022 07:50

I also think it's rude and wouldn't do it. However at Christmas especially there is so much food and leftovers that I might be grateful some got taken away!

Weird of them but not enough for me to lose any sleep over

I'm a bit the same. I get stressed by too much leftovers, especially puddings. But agree it's rude to do it without checking with the host.

billyt · 29/12/2022 07:58

When I take any food as a guest I never think about taking leftovers home, whether brought by me or by others. But both my daughters pack stuff up for me to take, if they know it's stuff they probably won't eat. They would rather not throw it away and I'm happy.

Maybebabyno2 · 29/12/2022 08:01

I'm not sure as when we have these situations as a host I have to practically force people to take stuff back with them. We are a small family of only 3 (and one of us is 2!). Whatever gets left will end up wasted.

I'm pregnant so not drinking booze ans my partner only really drinks beer and Whiskey. If people bring alcohol round and it isn't finished, it's being sent back with them hahaha!

Lkydfju · 29/12/2022 08:02

I think it’s rude although often I do send people home with things

Pleasebeafleabite · 29/12/2022 08:03

Oh dear

MistyFrequencies · 29/12/2022 08:03

Its soooo rude. Ive just left behind a 24 pack of beer, bottle of champagne and various snacks. Id rather like the champagne but i could never take back a gift.

HollyBerri · 29/12/2022 08:04

demotedreally · 29/12/2022 07:46

I'm fine with this, we do it or don't do it depending what it is.

I'm staying at my sister's at the moment. I will bring home the rest of the cake I made, remainder of the half drunk bottle of gin I brought but not the wine, if it didn't all get drunk.

Why would you do this? Surely you would just leave it for your sister to finish off especially as she is hosting? I can believe you would pack up a half eaten cake. I would only take food if offered / if there’s tons left over and the host asks people to take some.
the only time I take booze back is on a girly night with a takeaway so no real hosting involved If I took something expensive like a nice bottle of gin & I had only had a bit out of it I would take it home but so would my friends. If it was a full on party I wouldn’t dream of it.

AllTogetherAllAlone · 29/12/2022 08:05

I always ask guests if they want to take the remains of things they brought. Mostly they say no, as do I if asked. I think it’s rude to just take ‘your’ stuff.

Shoxfordian · 29/12/2022 08:06

It’s really rude to take anything away again

noworklifebalance · 29/12/2022 08:08

Maybebabyno2 · 29/12/2022 08:01

I'm not sure as when we have these situations as a host I have to practically force people to take stuff back with them. We are a small family of only 3 (and one of us is 2!). Whatever gets left will end up wasted.

I'm pregnant so not drinking booze ans my partner only really drinks beer and Whiskey. If people bring alcohol round and it isn't finished, it's being sent back with them hahaha!

Re: food - that’s a bit different, as you are the host and are offering your guests to take leftovers or share of the leftovers. E.g. if people brought a selection of puddings then it would be fine to ask guests if they would like to take some with them.

Re: booze - trickier, as these are often brought as a gift to be opened during the gathering or to be kept, so I may feel a bit put out if someone handed back a bottle of wine that I brought for them, unless close family.

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