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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Guests taking food home

379 replies

LakeFlyPie · 29/12/2022 07:43

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

OP posts:

CoconutQueen · 29/12/2022 09:12

Very very rude and bad manners

PurplePixies · 29/12/2022 09:13

Nirvanarama · 29/12/2022 08:48

Im surprised no one would think to leave at least a bit of cake for children and would instead eat the whole thing themselves. It's obviously just me, but i thought it was strange and actually quite funny to be honest.

YABU. It was a cake to celebrate her birthday so presumably she’ll have taken it home to share with her friends rather than eaten it all herself?

Why should she leave more cake for the children? Presumably, they already had some when it was first cut?

I’d think it was rude that you felt your kids were entitled to extra portions of the birthday cake, to be honest. 🤷🏻‍♀️

AreOttersJustWetCats · 29/12/2022 09:13

Lenald · 29/12/2022 08:48

So all of you think you should get to keep it even though they paid for it? You’re funny

They paid for it - as a gift for the host. The host has had them to stay, fed them, cleared up after them etc. Taking some food/drink as a gift is the minimum that a guest should do.

JennyForeigner · 29/12/2022 09:14

It's fine IF the host says 'oh please take the rest of... and would you like some of the...'

Otherwise this is so ill-mannered!

Havehope21 · 29/12/2022 09:15

It is rude of the guest to do it without invitation. If you bring something to the party, it is normally seen as a gift for the host / contribution for the event. You should wait for the host to say 'would you like to take some back with you'.

As for the poster who never got their bowl back - I feel your pain! Now we always transfer leftovers of cake etc into tins / other plates (although obviously much harder with trifles, crumbles etc).

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2022 09:15

If it was food that the guests knew I didn't like and wasn't likely to eat (or there was too much of it for me to eat before it went past its sell-by-date), then yeah, by all means, fire in and take it home.

Otherwise, I would consider such behaviour very non-U.

Lenald · 29/12/2022 09:17

AreOttersJustWetCats · 29/12/2022 09:13

They paid for it - as a gift for the host. The host has had them to stay, fed them, cleared up after them etc. Taking some food/drink as a gift is the minimum that a guest should do.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t see that as a gift to me lol. They would be more than welcome to take that stuff back. From my POV I would see that as something for everyone to share not a gift to me personally, how bizarre.

Bookworm20 · 29/12/2022 09:18

JennyForeigner · 29/12/2022 09:14

It's fine IF the host says 'oh please take the rest of... and would you like some of the...'

Otherwise this is so ill-mannered!

This

Hillrunning · 29/12/2022 09:18

Really depends on if it is a contribution to the event or a gift for the guest. I only invite people I like to my home so would unlikely find thier actions rude. They like me back and so won't intentionally be being rude.

Hillrunning · 29/12/2022 09:20

Also rudeness is only really a thing if you know you are being rude. The culture I grew up in, the host would be rude if they didn't pack up leftovers for each guest to take home.

Just chill out, it's a few slices of cake or 3 roasties!

Talaforniababe · 29/12/2022 09:20

I find that behaviour bizarre and rude. If someone did this at our house, I would assume they must be very hard up financially though. Why else would anyone be that tight?

Blossomtoes · 29/12/2022 09:20

JennyForeigner · 29/12/2022 09:14

It's fine IF the host says 'oh please take the rest of... and would you like some of the...'

Otherwise this is so ill-mannered!

Yup. Very rude. It’s only happened to us once, most of our guests have manners.

SkankingWombat · 29/12/2022 09:22

It can definitely be a family-culture thing. I had never seen it before until the first time I went to a get-together with DH's family (20-odd people). At the end, the tupperwear comes up and everyone takes what they want from what's left. The first time we hosted, I made the mistake of assuming everyone would take what they wanted whilst being mindful to leave a portion for the hosting family. I was wrong! And gutted that I was then left with an entire house to re-clean plus having to cook again for our next meal. I had been counting on reheated leftovers to lessen the load. I have now learnt, and take out everything we want and put it out of sight as soon as I clear the food away. Anything that is then left after they've taken their portion is a bonus.

At any other gatherings I would assume everything I've brought is a gift to the host, except for the dishes they come in. Like a PP, I've had issues getting these back if I've left them to collect another day once the food is eaten, so now I ask the host for a dish to transfer the contents to before leaving.

custardbear · 29/12/2022 09:23

Generally yea I'd leave food and drink unless offered to take it back home for whatever reason.
Sometimes at Christmas I make a large Yule log and cheese cake and I usually take both to in laws then my DB house the next day - but I always cut some off to leave some for everyone and let them know in advance. Saying that I got that from my in laws anyway as they do the same so known method

Oysterbabe · 29/12/2022 09:26

Nirvanarama · 29/12/2022 08:32

No, rude and a bit weird to take something back. Its kind of like a gift isn't it?

We once bought a birthday cake for MIL to have at our house, and at the end of the day she took the rest home with her (at least half of a very large chocolate cake) I guess it was for her birthday, but she lives alone and our kids were 😨watching all the cake leave with her. She could have at least left some for them. I was baffled at the time that she was planning to eat it all herself, it was so much cake!

I think taking your own birthday cake home is not weird or unreasonable.

Rewis · 29/12/2022 09:27

There are so many factors to this. Was the thing brought over a gift or a contribution to the dinner? Is the host hosting or was it just agreed that people will get together at their house? Will there be monetary contribution towards the get together? It was requested that I'd make starting cocktails to out get together. I won't be leaving my £40 gin bottle there. But I will also be paying for my share if the food. The bag of crisps i will be leaving at their house if we don't get around eating it.

Naijamama · 29/12/2022 09:28

Hmm, I always send my guests home with leftovers, cans/bottles of drink etc. It would be considered rude amongst my friends and family if I didn't offer. A bit like showing up to someone else's house empty handed. Packaging up your own contribution seems a bit odd though.

blebbleb · 29/12/2022 09:29

It's pretty stingy. Like a previous poster said though I'd be inclined to take a bottle of gin or something back.

diddl · 29/12/2022 09:29

It seems rude to me.

I guess if it was used at the intended meal then there's no "loss" to the Op if the rest gets taken back.

I have a small kitchen so although it might annoy me it would probably be better than trying to store stuff!

comingintomyown · 29/12/2022 09:29

JennyForeigner · 29/12/2022 09:14

It's fine IF the host says 'oh please take the rest of... and would you like some of the...'

Otherwise this is so ill-mannered!

Exactly, there’s a huge difference between taking bits when they have been offered and doing a sweep of what you contributed and taking it back. If I hadn’t have it happen to me I would be questioning if some of the stories on this thread were made up !

Ladybug14 · 29/12/2022 09:31

This definitely does happen and I think it's grabby and rude

July70 · 29/12/2022 09:31

Possibly because its a culture thing and we are Indian, we never allow anyone to bring food as we see it as disrespectful and more often than not when we have a social even like Christmas just now, we often give them some food to take back if any left over. Not everyone may get it but it is offered and it is up to them.

hoipolloih · 29/12/2022 09:32

That's cheeky and rude IMO! I would never dream of doing that

NewMoonPhase · 29/12/2022 09:32

I think it's really rude too.
I would NEVER do this.

NewMoonPhase · 29/12/2022 09:34

billyt · 29/12/2022 07:58

When I take any food as a guest I never think about taking leftovers home, whether brought by me or by others. But both my daughters pack stuff up for me to take, if they know it's stuff they probably won't eat. They would rather not throw it away and I'm happy.

That's different

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