Guests taking food home

[LakeFlyPie]

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

Depends when it's family. My mum not only makes sure we take any of our leftover stuff but gives us extra too But there's just two of them and stuff won't get eaten and would just be wasted if it was left there. As a guest going to a friend's or something I definitely wouldn't unless they asked me to!

So you've talked about it with your sister and she says it's ok. Not quite the same as a guest just taking back some booze they ostensibly brought as a gift.

(I mean I wouldn't really care, life's too short, but it's definitely odd.)

I'd be happy to be your sister. I always have things left that neither DS nor I will eat as people tend to bring what they like to eat themselves. Unless it's something we all like then it's far less wasteful for those who brought it and like it, take it!

Yeah, just my point was some people just feel entitled. Perhaps she thought as the do was for her birthday that she had some entitlement to everything.

No, I didn’t call her out, as like I said some if people feel like they need it then whatever. I wasn’t upset or anything lol.

I think the word you are looking for is ‘polite’.

Just taking it is rude but so is not making up plates of everything leftover for guests to take with them.

We always leave stuff but this did remind me that recently I took home leftover potato salad I had made for a get together, only because it was in my big beautiful salad bowl and I needed the bowl back 🙈As someone else said context is key - we had brought with us wine, beer and soft drinks as well as crisps and sausages which we left all of. I do think it depends on the circumstances and also how CF those involved usually are.

My BIL's family does this! It's so strange and rude! We had a party in our house for one of the children in the family who was celebrating a milestone (child's parents' house wasn't suitable) and most of the guests were this branch of the family. When they were leaving they took home every single thing they'd brought, including bottles of lemonade, much to my father's shock and amazement.

They also insulted my family by commenting on "waste", the implication being that we had too much food and that this was morally wrong. I mean we were catering for over 60 people, 40 of whom were their family, so we needed a lot of food.

They're very strange people. Won't very hosting them again!

It's usually a gift to stay with you but given the cost of living crisis I would understand why. We usually offer for them to bring some food back with them though if we are having a potluck. Not just their own food but this is usually when there's a lot of leftovers and is offered for all guests. We usually pack it up for them.

I think that’s rude. A turkey costs a small fortune these days. We left a bottle of wine and one of champagne unopened, the latter of which will be a bonus for our hosts some time. Had I brought a lot of specific food, I would probably have taken it home as it would be dietary only for me. As is, our lovely hosts tried hard to ensure I was catered for apart from the odd things like mince pies, which they couldn’t find and I brought… and left the ones I didn’t eat.

It’s polite to expect a gift because you offered to host someone?

Ok, interesting.

btw, I always take something and I never take it back because 1. I don’t drink & 2. I wouldn’t want unhealthy foods in my home + I genuinely wouldn’t mind the host keeping it.

I never expect to be able to keep what people bring, not at all. But that’s just me.

I am astounded people would do this.
How rude, such bad manners and one of the worst examples of bad social etiquette I’ve ever heard of.
Absolutely shameful!

In our family it's up to the host. If they know they're not going to use it all, particularly if it's a dish of something rather than an item that will keep, they say you're welcome to take it home.

I’d never do that unless told by host to take it. Very bad manners

It's extremely rude to take things back unless the host offers them. @Hillrunning whatever culture you grew up in you should make an effort to learn and follow local manners. The people you invite to your home may be equally rude or just willing to overlook rudeness for now.

Well, yes, from this thread you can see it pretty much is just you (other than with close family relationships where there is an unspoken understanding). The understood polite thing for a guest is to leave food.

It’s not a matter of ‘expecting a gift for hosting’, it’s just what is polite. Lots of manners are like that - there’s no real reason not to put your elbows on the table for example but it’s still rude.

I note you say you wouldn’t do it yourself.

There is nothing to stop a host offering leftovers - it’s just rude to take back what most people see as a gift without asking.

I don’t see it as a gift. But it’s ok to have different a POV. We will just agree to disagree.

I remember someone doing this with a bottle of wine after they came over to ours for the evening and being really shocked. If you take something to someone’s house it’s a gift!

Christmas Day - I provided £100 worth of meat. Hosts provided all the sides - maybe £25 worth. Other guest provided starter and dessert. We all brought drinks.
I took home a generous amount of the cooked meat as did the other guest, plus some sides. It’s normal in our family!

Yes it does seem a tad rude. It should be for you to offer them back once they've been gifted to you. What can you do? Awkward to say something. Just accept you have some pretty awful friends I suppose.

Ok, so if you made a large side dish or the vegetarian option or whatever, wouldn’t you take your casserole dish home with you?

Again, I guess it’s all context but when I get together with friends and we all bring something towards the meal, each person takes their pot/lasagna dish/salad bowl home, after offering to leave some for the hosts.
I sure as hell don’t want to be stuck with 8 serving dishes to wash up and ferry back to 7 different houses. (And equally I don’t want to be without my good casserole until it suits someone to return it because it’s in regular use)

When someone else is cooking the meal, the booze/chocolates/flowers I bring are a gift to the hosts. When I’m contributing (ie cooking) a course of the meal I’d probably take home what wasn’t needed.

In a totally not judgemental way, I'm not sure I know anyone under 30 would be offended at this. I think etiquettes are changing. A lot of my older friends would probably not like it, but my younger friends I'm not sure would think this is odd at all.

To me it'd depend on whether there was a lot of food left over and I suspected that much of it would be binned, or there obviously wasn’t going to be room in the fridge. But in such cases the hosts I know would probably urge guests to take whatever with them.

Alcohol, no, I’d always leave it.

It’s etiquette to take a hosting gift to the host and this could be chocolates or flowers. Generally flowers are less favourable when attending a dinner party as the host must then deal with the flowers.

A bottle is appreciate as a gift but usually would not be opened as the hosts will have paired the wine with the meal.

I have experienced people bringing then taking their alcohol home with them. I would assume financial worries or a lack of understanding about etiquette and remain unbothered.

I wouldn't.

And apart from cake or preserves, it's all past using now anyway.