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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests taking food home

379 replies

LakeFlyPie · 29/12/2022 07:43

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 29/12/2022 08:33

Strange behaviour to take back gifts of food and drink.

I would think it very odd if a guest did they but then perhaps I would think they are struggling financially.

WickedStepmomNOT · 29/12/2022 08:34

I did this going to visit family over the holidays - I brought stuff for the house which was a big carton of dbl cream and a wedge of Brie as requested, and some wine. I also brought one of my xmas presents of a bottle of special hard to find liqueur, and told everyone on arrival Id brought it for them to have a little taste and would be taking it back home with me. They all laughed and said thanks for sharing. Yes I did take it home!

Context is all - everyone has different rules so communication is key. Why be stuck with lots of leftovers you wont be able to eat if someone would like to have them? Such a waste otherwise.

Doingmybest12 · 29/12/2022 08:35

I don't think the birthday cake example is rude if it was her birthday cake, surely you offered it to her to take ?

notacooldad · 29/12/2022 08:37

I've never done it. However I'd rather guest took stuff home otherwise it's just going to waste as im never going to through left overs.
I'm happy for them to take what I e laid out. It's better that than going in the bin.

LlynTegid · 29/12/2022 08:39

I would agree if they asked, 100%. If they asked not assumed.

Nirvanarama · 29/12/2022 08:40

Yes, but over half a massive cake all to yourself is a bit much isn't it? I cant imagine getting through it all before it went bad

STARCATCHER22 · 29/12/2022 08:41

Doingmybest12 · 29/12/2022 08:35

I don't think the birthday cake example is rude if it was her birthday cake, surely you offered it to her to take ?

I thought this. If the cake was a gift for her, surely she should take it with her. If her taking it is rude, it’s also rude to assume that people should leave things they bought at the host’s house as they are “gifts” too.

HundredMilesAnHour · 29/12/2022 08:41

Incredibly rude. Some people have no shame nor any manners it seems.

Footgoose · 29/12/2022 08:41

we have 2 friends that take everything away , drink left over pud, etc after even a normal dinner party . So if they bring 2 bottles of wine but only our wine gets opened they take there’s back out of the fridge and home along with the half eaten pud / ice cream etc .
first time it happened I laughed but the second time I was really cross as 4 bottles of our own champagne and wine got opened and all I had left was the 2 they brought . Then they took them !

DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 29/12/2022 08:42

I find it astonishing and rude as well. However, one of my best friends does this - she’s extremely generous in every day life and has lovely manners in general so I have to assume it’s just a difference of upbringing/perspective, rather than the automatic mark of a CF!

Mylittlepea · 29/12/2022 08:43

YANBU at all. I do find this rude and would never do it myself (unless as others have said, the host requests it themselves).

We once hosted a BBQ for a group of families who had been friends for a long time and we said we’d provide all the salads/bread/rolls/condiments plus some sausages & burgers, drinks for the kids etc. asked for them to bring adult drinks, additional meat if preferred. At the end of the evening, one guy was asking where his half a packet of uncooked pork chops was so he could take it home (after feasting on everything else we’d provided all afternoon/eve)

So fucking tight! Still remember how rude I thought it was……

chimichangaz · 29/12/2022 08:43

I think as @WickedStepmomNOT says, context is key. I would never just take stuff home, I would ask first if it was ok and only food, never alcohol. And only with family or my best friend - for instance my best friend hosted Boxing Day and everyone contributed food and alcohol. Their fridge is now absolutely groaning with leftovers that she will just bin as they can't possibly eat it all. If I'm there in the next couple of days I will ask if she wants me to take some as I really hate waste! But if I'm not then I won't stress about it - I didn't take the food expecting it to be taken back home with me!

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 29/12/2022 08:44

I'll be doing this with the Christmas cake, however I made and brought the cake because my sister doesn't like it so wasn't prepared to sort one out and I do. I brought separate hostess gifts for my sister - the cake is not a gift. Other food stuff was also contributed however that will be left.

Stunningscreamer · 29/12/2022 08:44

It's very rude if they did it unbidden, which is obviously the case as you're posting about it. It's fine for the host to ask people to take things they're not going to be able to finish back (e.g. alcohol they don't drink) but that is clearly not what happened here, so all those posters outlining that scenario are going a bit off piste.

Ragwort · 29/12/2022 08:45

I think it's rude to just help yourself but we have just returned from my (single - relevant) brother's home where he hosted Christmas .. I asked him what he'd like me to contribute and I took cheese, wine, brandy butter ... as we were leaving he asked me to take some of the cheese home as he knew he wouldn't want it, plus one bottle of red wine still unopened, he doesn't drink ... and he parcelled up a load of cold Turkey and Christmas cake for me ... he had far too much leftover and genuinely wouldn't want to eat it all. And I do the same if I have guests ... (family) so that "leftovers" are shared out.

RewildingAmbridge · 29/12/2022 08:45

We did this after Christmas day, DB and SIL were going away for the rest of the week and said it would end up in the bin otherwise , so everyone to take whatever left overs they wanted, different I guess as discussed. I often give/offer leftovers to guests , especially if they've particularly liked something. We came away from my grand this week with home made mince pies and a huge packet of smoked salmon (gran doesn't like it and loads left over)

LesLavandes · 29/12/2022 08:45

Yes. My ex sister-in-law did this at my home one year (we were hosting Christmas). I was astounded, given the effort and expense my family had gone to for the event.

SpicyFoodRocks · 29/12/2022 08:46

It’s the same two people in our social circle that do this. We all find it amusing. They are stingy in other ways so it’s all in character.

feministqueen · 29/12/2022 08:46

Usually I would leave it because it's a gift to the host. However this year we took some lovely things to ILs who decided they wanted to do everything they could to make us feel unwelcome and refused to heat up any of the nice things we bought and which the kids would've enjoyed. So they were starving when they got home. I took the food home and we enjoyed it. I'm not leaving it for people who intentionally make us feel unwelcome in their home.

Purplechicken207 · 29/12/2022 08:47

My family took home unopened alcohol they bought with them, and as it was something specific they wanted I'm very happy with that (not things we'd drink). Have a friend who took home remains of some fancy shortbread she'd made, but again I'd rather not be left with more food than we need, plus it was in a very nice tin she needed to take home anyway.

MontyBoston · 29/12/2022 08:47

I've had this happen too. It struck me as very strange at the time.

Twiglets1 · 29/12/2022 08:47

Doingmybest12 · 29/12/2022 08:35

I don't think the birthday cake example is rude if it was her birthday cake, surely you offered it to her to take ?

I agree. The Birthday cake example is different because it was described as “her cake”.

SpicyFoodRocks · 29/12/2022 08:47

And of course it’s different if the host proffers leftovers. There is no comparison.
This is about the guest taking away the item they gifted the host, without discussion. Just odd.

Stunningscreamer · 29/12/2022 08:47

Footgoose · 29/12/2022 08:41

we have 2 friends that take everything away , drink left over pud, etc after even a normal dinner party . So if they bring 2 bottles of wine but only our wine gets opened they take there’s back out of the fridge and home along with the half eaten pud / ice cream etc .
first time it happened I laughed but the second time I was really cross as 4 bottles of our own champagne and wine got opened and all I had left was the 2 they brought . Then they took them !

If you know they're like that, just drink theirs first!

MissCrowley · 29/12/2022 08:48

I leave all food unless someone says they'd like me to take it back or offer.
Probably a little different however my mother in law asked me to bring various bits and then said we could take take whatever we liked back home (plus anything else) as she wouldn't eat it.
I'd never assume to take food back if I'd brought it.