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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's sent sick DS in

202 replies

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 07:09

For context my DS who is 2 attends nursery on a Thursday and has been sick for the past couple of days with a barking cough, snotty nose and temp.. While he seems ok in himself his cough is quite nasty.
He woke up this morning with a slight temp again - just under 38c and seemed under the weather but did perk up after my Dh gave him calpol.

I said I didn't think he should go in to nursery today, my Dh who is on leave until after New year's said it wasn't fair he wanted his day off, also because he's perked up after the calpol said he'll probably be ok but worst case if he's sent home early so be it.
He also said he would look after him on condition I finished early, which I said was ridiculous as he's got the day off and I'm supposed to be covering because of Christmas leave today and tomorrow.

I don't think this is fair on the nursery workers or other children who may catch it either.
AIBU to not take the day off when my Dh is on leave (and is being a jerk because this is his only chance to have a day without ds this week)

OP posts:
Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 10:25

@WilsonMilson

Tell me about it.. I swear 99% of my leave involves looking after ds.
I actually can't remember the last time I had a day just to myself.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 29/12/2022 10:25

37.5 is not a fever. He does not have a temperature.

It's only 37.5 because he'd had calpol within a 4 hour window 🙄

GCAcademic · 29/12/2022 10:25

ADifferentKindofChristmas · 29/12/2022 10:17

So he not only sent an ill child in to nursery but then topped it off with he would look after him on the "condition" you finished early to take over.

What a Prince of a man you married OP.

Yeah, I’d stop referring to him as the child’s father, because his parenting is non-existent. This is a mere sperm donor.

zoemelb · 29/12/2022 10:27

Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 10:25

@zoemelb

If anyone in my family is sick we do a Covid test before seeing other people. Just basic consideration for other people, I don't need the government or the nursery to make me because I care how my actions impact others. I'm sorry to hear you think that is 'shit'.

Have you even done a covid test on a pre-2 years old kid? I have, and it’s the last thing I want to do on him. So yes, I says what I say. Totally shorty advice!

Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 10:31

@zoemelb

I have done dozens of tests on my children who are or have been that age during Covid. Like brushing their teeth, or putting on sunscreen, or cutting their fingernails - they get used to it and it becomes a non event.

Are you from Melbourne? Everyone in Melbourne had to do this for most of 2021 and 2022 and no one's child exploded as far as I am aware.

NightTerrors · 29/12/2022 10:33

My daughters nursery have a policy that they can't go in if they've had calpol (or any other medication that they don't normally take). Your DH is a selfish arse who's just sent his sick child in because he wanted a day to himself, there really is no excusing that.

Tempyname · 29/12/2022 10:35

Whilst I’m generally in the camp of not being off for a sniffle, a temperature and needing calpol is different and sounds like he probably should be at home for all the reasons you’ve given - I’d probably call them to see how he is doing in case he has improved, and if necessary make arrangements to go pick him up.

BusyMum47 · 29/12/2022 10:35

Well I've just had a call to say please can you collect ds as he has a bad cough and doesn't seem himself this morning.
Dh had just slipped into his lounge wear on the sofa so I felt quite smug telling him to go pick him up!
Hopefully he will think twice next time ds is sick..

Problem is, your little one has now probably passed it on to other children &/or nursery adults. Great. Well done. Then other parents are affected & have to take time off etc. SO bloody irresponsible.

Folklore9074 · 29/12/2022 10:36

Ffs. Honestly, this sort of thing is the reason diseases spread. Your poor kid, plus other children, nursery workers and families. You should have put a stop to this OP.

Branleuse · 29/12/2022 10:39

I dont think its 'that' bad to give a kid calpol and send them in if they perk up. Ds probably got the cough from nursery anyway, and he had to go get him anyway, so its his problem. Nursery is usually a time of being constantly ill anyway

eatdrinkandbemerry · 29/12/2022 10:40

My partner wouldn't dream of sending a well child to nursery on his day off never mind a poorly one!
In his words we work enough as it is and the holidays are family time 🤷‍♀️.
Sounds like yours needs to prioritise his children over his freedom!

lunar1 · 29/12/2022 10:41

Nurseries and schools should be able to withdraw places when parents deliberately send in sick children. It's unbelievably selfish.

The Covid year when school would just send home ill children was the only year DS2 hasn't had any hospital admissions with his asthma.

Interestingly, the time when people weren't allowed to send in sick children also had a significantly lower absence rate across the school.

LadyFushia · 29/12/2022 10:44

Sounds pretty selfish to me. Has no one told him that when you have a child you do not get "days off" from parenting?!

Velvetween · 29/12/2022 10:44

Your DH is a massive selfish twat.

when my DC are ill it’s my instinct to be with them, snuggle, be there for cuddles. Especially when they were little and couldn’t communicate. Obviously it’s not always possible for me to drop everything, but if it was my day off, no matter what plans I had, my poorly DC would come first.

What a man child you’ve got there.

RealBecca · 29/12/2022 10:44

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 10:03

@RealBecca

Sure you would. 🙄

Wouldnt actually need to as from experience my husband would never behave like that.

PotatoScone1 · 29/12/2022 10:45

Depends on your definition of “sick” though, doesn’t it?

Sorry but I’m not going to keep my kids home for every single cold or sniffle or cough. If nothing else, my employer is simply not that understanding (what employer would be?).

Temperature/puking/lying on the couch clearly unwell - that’s a different kettle of fish. But they will be going in with a cold when they are otherwise well.

FuntCase · 29/12/2022 10:46

How do you justify calling him a good father? He sent a sick child away from the home because he couldn’t be arsed to look after him. He’s ok with sending his poorly child away from his comfortable safe place, a child with lung conditions and a cough!!!! because he wants a day off? If you want a day off don’t fucking have kids.

He’s not a good dad op, stop defending his sorry, selfish actions.

zoemelb · 29/12/2022 10:46

Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 10:31

@zoemelb

I have done dozens of tests on my children who are or have been that age during Covid. Like brushing their teeth, or putting on sunscreen, or cutting their fingernails - they get used to it and it becomes a non event.

Are you from Melbourne? Everyone in Melbourne had to do this for most of 2021 and 2022 and no one's child exploded as far as I am aware.

Oh well. Your child must be an angel and used to having a stick up his nose for 5s. My child isn’t. He has bên done 3 times so far and it was horrific for us all. You can continue to do covid tests on your kid daily if you wish. I see no point and benefits of doing that now especially at school/nursery settings.
and yes from Melbourne but left years ago so I’m glad I won’t need to do that anymore.

Badger1970 · 29/12/2022 10:47

Was it a case of nursery having to be paid for, so he was going whether he was well or not??

There's something deeply unattractive about a man that prioritises their own needs above those of their DPs and offspring.

Moveoverdarlin · 29/12/2022 10:47

Poor little chap. It’s between Christmas and NY, not only is he being sent in to nursery when one parent is on annual leave and the other is WFH, he’s being sent in at 7am whilst unwell. Unbelievable.

NightTerrors · 29/12/2022 10:48

PotatoScone1 · 29/12/2022 10:45

Depends on your definition of “sick” though, doesn’t it?

Sorry but I’m not going to keep my kids home for every single cold or sniffle or cough. If nothing else, my employer is simply not that understanding (what employer would be?).

Temperature/puking/lying on the couch clearly unwell - that’s a different kettle of fish. But they will be going in with a cold when they are otherwise well.

But the dad was already at home, he didn't need to take any time off work so his employer didn't need to be understanding. And this child required calpol in order to perk him up and so it's not quite the same as keeping them off for a mild cold, I'd he needed calpol and had a slight temperature (albeit very mild) then he wasn't well enough to go, which was proven when the nursery called and asked for him to be picked up.

BrutusMcDogface · 29/12/2022 10:48

As a teacher, all of my “annual leave days” are spent looking after and spending time with my own children. That’s life. Your dh is a selfish arse.

BrutusMcDogface · 29/12/2022 10:49

Ah bloody hell, I hate it when I post before realising there are 6 pages! Sorry.

PotatoScone1 · 29/12/2022 10:49

NightTerrors · 29/12/2022 10:48

But the dad was already at home, he didn't need to take any time off work so his employer didn't need to be understanding. And this child required calpol in order to perk him up and so it's not quite the same as keeping them off for a mild cold, I'd he needed calpol and had a slight temperature (albeit very mild) then he wasn't well enough to go, which was proven when the nursery called and asked for him to be picked up.

Show quote history

No I appreciate this. It was more a response to lunar1 above than the OP. Apologies, I should have been clearer.

katepilar · 29/12/2022 10:51

Just under 38 is almost fever and not a slight temperature. You certainly dont send a child this ill to nursery. A fever so early in the day indicates a fairly seriouss illness /serious as in it needs attention, ie. giving the body a chance to fight it off/.
You obviously dont sent you ill child to nursery to have a day off. What a selfish childish attitude your husband has.