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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's sent sick DS in

202 replies

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 07:09

For context my DS who is 2 attends nursery on a Thursday and has been sick for the past couple of days with a barking cough, snotty nose and temp.. While he seems ok in himself his cough is quite nasty.
He woke up this morning with a slight temp again - just under 38c and seemed under the weather but did perk up after my Dh gave him calpol.

I said I didn't think he should go in to nursery today, my Dh who is on leave until after New year's said it wasn't fair he wanted his day off, also because he's perked up after the calpol said he'll probably be ok but worst case if he's sent home early so be it.
He also said he would look after him on condition I finished early, which I said was ridiculous as he's got the day off and I'm supposed to be covering because of Christmas leave today and tomorrow.

I don't think this is fair on the nursery workers or other children who may catch it either.
AIBU to not take the day off when my Dh is on leave (and is being a jerk because this is his only chance to have a day without ds this week)

OP posts:
PotatoScone1 · 29/12/2022 09:57

All these posts about cuddles and lying on the sofa.

my daughter never once did this. She could have a temp of 38.5 and barking cough and still be running around like the Tasmanian devil. Sick days are/were never peaceful, quiet days and sometimes if she has a cold she’s better in nursery (school now) as a distraction. I wouldn’t send in with a temperature though. Temperature / vomiting are my red lines.

Anyway. I’m not unsympathetic because it’s crap when you have a rare day to yourself organised and it gets hijacked by a poorly child. But, thems the breaks really.

jannier · 29/12/2022 09:59

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 09:30

@poefaced

Maybe, he is the higher earner and my job is usually more flexible with leave.. Just not over the Christmas period.

What is the amount he earns got to do with it....things should still be fair or your child will learn men's jobs are more important

jugglerofballs · 29/12/2022 10:00

I can’t get over the reaction to this, I’m honestly astounded. He didn’t have a temp this morning - sub-38 is not a fever in a 2 year old. The OP states he is “ok in himself” and even on being sent home from nursery he seems ok. I’d have sent my child in under those circumstances. The world has gone mad.

Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 10:01

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 09:50

@SuperFly123

I did tell him I didn't think he should take him to nursery and that I wasn't going to take the day off for him.
Short of getting into a physical altercation and wrestling ds off him out the door, or telling my work I couldn't cover today I don't really see what else I could do.
I don't think shouting and swearing at him would have helped much in this scenario, especially in front of ds.

I'd ring the nursery and say you're checking in because DS had a temperature this morning. Tell them you were surprised DH dropped him off at all. Ask how DS is doing and then remind them that DH is home today and available to pick DS up if he's at all poorly.

All true and fair to the nursery.

What's not fair is dropping off a sick child and using emotional blackmail to make you leave work early.

What a prick. Being a parent isn't something you can pick up and put down when you choose.

RealBecca · 29/12/2022 10:02

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 08:31

Well I've just had a call to say please can you collect ds as he has a bad cough and doesn't seem himself this morning.
Dh had just slipped into his lounge wear on the sofa so I felt quite smug telling him to go pick him up!
Hopefully he will think twice next time ds is sick..

There is nothing for you to feel smug about here, you didnt advocate for your child, you let the nursery do the dirty work.

FWIW you shouldn't be with someone who you would need a physical altercation with or screaming match. In your situation I'd have told DH that under no circumstances is DS going to nursery and if he prioritises his own day off over his son then he will have a lot more if them in future when he gets every other weekend access.

If he had actually left id have phoned the nursery the moment he is out the door saying you and DH disagree about childs fitness for nursery and to feel free to refuse entry or call the moment DS appears unwell.

DH would have been under no illusion that I'd be putting up with that crap.

Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 10:02

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 09:56

@millymollymoomoo

His temp was 37.8 and he just seemed fussier than usual. More tearful getting up.
He was all smiles after the calpol but his cough was really bad, full of phlegm.
His nose was also running a bit, which is why I said I don't think it's fair to take him in today because he's clearly got something. 🙄

Tell me you at least did a Covid test.

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 10:03

@RealBecca

Sure you would. 🙄

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 29/12/2022 10:03

jugglerofballs · 29/12/2022 10:00

I can’t get over the reaction to this, I’m honestly astounded. He didn’t have a temp this morning - sub-38 is not a fever in a 2 year old. The OP states he is “ok in himself” and even on being sent home from nursery he seems ok. I’d have sent my child in under those circumstances. The world has gone mad.

I think your post is mad!

I could get sending in a child to nursery if you had to work, and were genuinely unsure if they were properly sick.

I can't imagine as a parent sending in even my somewhat-unwell DC in order to have a chill out day on the sofa. I'd be so upset in OP's position.

jannier · 29/12/2022 10:03

RiaG91 · 29/12/2022 09:29

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your husband is also a parent and that means giving up everything to look after your child - especially a day off! You just don't get them with children.

He shouldn't have sent your son into nursery, but as he has ... he definitely SHOULD have told them that he'd had some calpol. What if they administer some themselves? Our nursery would administer and let us know that's what they've done, so we have to be clear if we've already given some (for whatever reason).

We, as parents, don't get to be selfish anymore. The child always comes first. It's as simple as that.

Your nursery should never administer any medication without contacting you to get prior consent for these exact reasons.....they are in breach of safeguarding to do so and would get inadequate in inspection.

NatalieH2220 · 29/12/2022 10:04

I'd be more concerned that he didn't tell them he has given him calpol. What if the nursery give him more?

If he needs calpol then he shouldn't go in, in my opinion. Yes it's annoying if he had a child free day off planned and then it changes but tough luck! I don't think you should need to change your work plans at all because of it.

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 10:06

@Ivyonafence

Nursery don't worry about covid testing anymore, more about whether they have a temp.
At the time he went in he didn't have one but he has a slight temp again now.. .about 37.5

OP posts:
Whinge · 29/12/2022 10:07

At the time he went in he didn't have one but he has a slight temp again now.. .about 37.5

Only because your DH had given him calpol. Hmm

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 10:09

@Whinge

Yes I know.. Which is why they let ds in originally.
I didn't even notice he'd left as I was working in my office!
Dh gets ds up in the morning after I have started work.
I only popped in for a minute as he asked my opinion, I said no but he didn't say he was going to take him in.

OP posts:
zoemelb · 29/12/2022 10:09

Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 10:02

Tell me you at least did a Covid test.

Show quote history

What kind of sh*t is this? Surely you have no kid at nursery right now?

Blowthemandown · 29/12/2022 10:12

@WantedHisDayOff I’m sure DH has learned his lesson. I don’t think you had any other option and actually if you did drive and had collected, it’s setting a precedent when someone else has ignored your view/advice. And for people saying you should have stopped him - how’s that meant to work? Hope you manage to get on with your work. I also think people are being harsh saying awful things about DH. He was obviously set on this ‘lazy day’ and we don’t all get things right every time. He shouldn’t have done it but he’ll know that.

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 10:13

@Blowthemandown

I think that's it he was saying he never gets to enjoy his leave as something always pops up.
I did disagree with him but after I'd gone back to work he still took him out anyway.
Well it's all blown up in his face now I guess.

OP posts:
SamPoodle123 · 29/12/2022 10:14

TBH I do not think a temp under 38 is cause for concern. But then again, when my dc are sick they get temps of 39-40! What you describe, I think it is fine for dc to go to nursery, provided they are otherwise fine. Many kids go to school with runny noses and coughs. If the fever was over 38 I would keep dc home....but under is hardly a fever. What I can't stand is when parents send a child that has puked in school spreading tummy bugs to all. A cold is fine.

zoemelb · 29/12/2022 10:14

www.gov.uk/government/publications/health-protection-in-schools-and-other-childcare-facilities/children-and-young-people-settings-tools-and-resources

I hope people don’t take anyone advice n here and do some research yourself.

ADifferentKindofChristmas · 29/12/2022 10:17

So he not only sent an ill child in to nursery but then topped it off with he would look after him on the "condition" you finished early to take over.

What a Prince of a man you married OP.

SuperFly123 · 29/12/2022 10:18

RealBecca · 29/12/2022 10:02

There is nothing for you to feel smug about here, you didnt advocate for your child, you let the nursery do the dirty work.

FWIW you shouldn't be with someone who you would need a physical altercation with or screaming match. In your situation I'd have told DH that under no circumstances is DS going to nursery and if he prioritises his own day off over his son then he will have a lot more if them in future when he gets every other weekend access.

If he had actually left id have phoned the nursery the moment he is out the door saying you and DH disagree about childs fitness for nursery and to feel free to refuse entry or call the moment DS appears unwell.

DH would have been under no illusion that I'd be putting up with that crap.

Show quote history

☝

WilsonMilson · 29/12/2022 10:20

Your DH is a selfish arse. He is putting his day off ahead of his own son’s well-being. I would have a major issue with his attitude if I were you.

jugglerofballs · 29/12/2022 10:21

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 10:06

@Ivyonafence

Nursery don't worry about covid testing anymore, more about whether they have a temp.
At the time he went in he didn't have one but he has a slight temp again now.. .about 37.5

37.5 is not a fever. He does not have a temperature.

WilsonMilson · 29/12/2022 10:22

“I never get to enjoy my leave”.

Well boo hoo sunshine. That’s life. That’s having kids. That’s being a responsible parent. That’s putting your child’s well-being before your need to sit on your arse and do fuck all.

Honestly OP, I would be seething at this. I’m not sure how I’d get past it.

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 10:23

@jugglerofballs

My DS temp is usually between 36.5-37 and he feels hot and clammy so yes in my opinion it is a very mild temp.
However probably not enough to warrant medication.
My nursery will reject children with a temp of 37.5 and above.

OP posts:
Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 10:25

@zoemelb

If anyone in my family is sick we do a Covid test before seeing other people. Just basic consideration for other people, I don't need the government or the nursery to make me because I care how my actions impact others. I'm sorry to hear you think that is 'shit'.

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