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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's sent sick DS in

202 replies

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 07:09

For context my DS who is 2 attends nursery on a Thursday and has been sick for the past couple of days with a barking cough, snotty nose and temp.. While he seems ok in himself his cough is quite nasty.
He woke up this morning with a slight temp again - just under 38c and seemed under the weather but did perk up after my Dh gave him calpol.

I said I didn't think he should go in to nursery today, my Dh who is on leave until after New year's said it wasn't fair he wanted his day off, also because he's perked up after the calpol said he'll probably be ok but worst case if he's sent home early so be it.
He also said he would look after him on condition I finished early, which I said was ridiculous as he's got the day off and I'm supposed to be covering because of Christmas leave today and tomorrow.

I don't think this is fair on the nursery workers or other children who may catch it either.
AIBU to not take the day off when my Dh is on leave (and is being a jerk because this is his only chance to have a day without ds this week)

OP posts:
zoemelb · 29/12/2022 09:20

We don’t give calpol until 38 either.

jannier · 29/12/2022 09:20

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 07:51

@glittermoomoo @Whatmarbles

No he's not told them about the calpol.
Also he is usually a very loving father and will book leave when ds is ill to look after him. But I think on this occasion he is justifying it by saying he seemed a lot better after the calpol and worst case they will send him home early.
I think he's a bit miffed that he has had to look after him all week as I have been covering, but I have to do that too!
We take it in turns normally.

Not telling a setting about giving Calpol is a safeguarding concern. Should your child rapidly deteriorate and become seriously ill like fits etc. their first action is to call for medical assistance not you ...they give the medical information they know including the child's health in the last few days and any medication not knowing what has been going on can mean misdiagnosis, the wrong treatment and overdoses. So many parents don't inform childcare sneaking sick children in spreading infection and saying child is okay now....amazing Calpol lowers a temperature as advertised but a temperature is not the illness it's one symptom....then 11am itis kicks in and child is pucking all over the floor or worse. What an irresponsible arse.

jannier · 29/12/2022 09:23

Whinge · 29/12/2022 08:34

Hopefully he will think twice next time ds is sick.

Of course he won't think twice. If he actually cared about his son he wouldn't have sent him in the first place. Sad

If it wasn't awful for his child I'd be hoping for a car covered in vomit.

jevoudrais · 29/12/2022 09:24

Some bastard sent their sick kid in before Xmas. The result is that my DD has been sick with a fever since Xmas eve. It's been awful. He's a completely selfish prick! My DH is working between Xmas and new year so it's me who is now also very unwell, looking after a very unwell toddler on my own.

craigth162 · 29/12/2022 09:24

My 2 year old has been like this on and off all of December but nothing too bad. Xmas eve temp started soaring even with calpol. Ended uo with 11 seizures overnight (he has epilespy and other health issues). We spent xmas morning in childrens ward and he has influenza A and strep A. Its only been today his temp is manageable. Im a single parent and also have flu but not a chance hed be leaving my side to go to nursery or anywhere else. Your DH is ridiculously selfish. What about vulnerable kids at nursery like mine who catch this stuff and end up seriously ill in hospital.

jannier · 29/12/2022 09:25

zoemelb · 29/12/2022 09:15

depending on the kid I guess. My son gets hot and sweaty when he sleeps especially after a cold the day before. So it’s hard to measure as soon as they wake up if it’s a fever or just temporary sweaty in the morning, especially anywhere around 37.5 mark. He can either be fine later on and gets worse few hours later. Unless my son has fever (38) and really unwell in the morning I would send him in and let nursery knows to watch out for him and call us if his fever goes up later on. And they usually do call and let us know even if he has no fever but seems slow and unhappy in the afternoon , we can decide if he should have go home early (usually will bring him home to have an early day at home since we both work from home).

Show quote history

The child has been ill the last few days so waking with a temperature indicates they are still ill.....hot and sweaty from sleep does not show as a temperature you also know what is normal for your child

liveforsummer · 29/12/2022 09:27

It's a huge bug bear to nursery and school staff when parents send in dosed up with calpol - he's highly likely to be infectious while running a temperature plus he'll be miserable once it wears off. Your dh is definitely BU. Often as parents we have to change our plans, it's just how it is and of course you shouldn't have been the one to do that in this circumstance

poefaced · 29/12/2022 09:28

He also said he would look after him on condition I finished early, which I said was ridiculous as he's got the day off and I'm supposed to be covering because of Christmas leave today and tomorrow.

He really is a selfish cunt. Does he see you as default partner? Is that why nursery called you and not him?

RiaG91 · 29/12/2022 09:29

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your husband is also a parent and that means giving up everything to look after your child - especially a day off! You just don't get them with children.

He shouldn't have sent your son into nursery, but as he has ... he definitely SHOULD have told them that he'd had some calpol. What if they administer some themselves? Our nursery would administer and let us know that's what they've done, so we have to be clear if we've already given some (for whatever reason).

We, as parents, don't get to be selfish anymore. The child always comes first. It's as simple as that.

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 09:30

@poefaced

Maybe, he is the higher earner and my job is usually more flexible with leave.. Just not over the Christmas period.

OP posts:
zoemelb · 29/12/2022 09:32

jannier · 29/12/2022 09:25

The child has been ill the last few days so waking with a temperature indicates they are still ill.....hot and sweaty from sleep does not show as a temperature you also know what is normal for your child

Show quote history

Obviously not a doctor but I take nhs advice that above 38 is a fever. Anywhere below it, we will watch out but it’s not a fever for us and we won’t even consider calpol until at least 38. My son will be acting normal at 38 sometimes and we don’t even give him calpol until he seems worse off most often at 38.5.

zoemelb · 29/12/2022 09:33

From nhs

He's sent sick DS in
Coooosd · 29/12/2022 09:36

RedHelenB · 29/12/2022 08:49

Going against the grain here. He's looking after him, he's prepared to get him if he gets worse. His decision.

Knowingly exposing all the staff and other children to it

saveforthat · 29/12/2022 09:36

This has actually made me cry. (Feeling a bit emotional this morning). No "loving Father would do this)

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 29/12/2022 09:38

WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 09:11

Well they've just come home ds seems ok but has a snotty nose and his cough is still barking.
I said to dh don't expect me to look after him today but I might finish 1 hour early anyway if I want to and he said ok.
I reckon they sent him home because of the cough more than anything, but the calpol will wear off in the next couple of hours so we will see.

They've said him home because they know he's to unwell to be there.

Honestly - you and your DH are selfish. Him for sending him and you for letting him!

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 09:39

@MeMyBooksAndMyCats

What was I supposed to do in this situation? If I took the day off as an emergency it would be setting a precident for him never to look after ds even when he isn't working.
Also I can't drive so couldn't pick him up.
As usual though the woman is to blame!

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 29/12/2022 09:42

This was a very bad position for your husband to put you in. I think when the dust settles over this you need to rethink - I can't imagine a father wanting to have a day to himself so badly he sees nothing of sending his unwell son to nursery so they can all get ill and the child suffers even more. This would change how I viewed my partner.

SuperFly123 · 29/12/2022 09:47

You are both to blame. You set some fucking standards and make it clear to him that this is unacceptable. The precedent is clearly already there, judging from his selfish attitude, so you hardly made a point by allowing him to take your sick kid to nursery. I sincerely hope you don’t plan on having any more kids with this loser.

Wombatbum · 29/12/2022 09:50

Poor child and poor staff.

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 09:50

@SuperFly123

I did tell him I didn't think he should take him to nursery and that I wasn't going to take the day off for him.
Short of getting into a physical altercation and wrestling ds off him out the door, or telling my work I couldn't cover today I don't really see what else I could do.
I don't think shouting and swearing at him would have helped much in this scenario, especially in front of ds.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 29/12/2022 09:52

Did he actually have a fever - if it’s not over 38.5 then he doesn’t even if slightly raised

And tbh if it’s just snotty nose with cough and v mild temp but no fever I would have sent mine in in too. And while no one in here will admit it every single parent I know irl with children at nursery do the same

liveforsummer · 29/12/2022 09:54

millymollymoomoo · 29/12/2022 09:52

Did he actually have a fever - if it’s not over 38.5 then he doesn’t even if slightly raised

And tbh if it’s just snotty nose with cough and v mild temp but no fever I would have sent mine in in too. And while no one in here will admit it every single parent I know irl with children at nursery do the same

Where have you got that information from. 38.5 is definitely a fever 🙈

jannier · 29/12/2022 09:55

zoemelb · 29/12/2022 09:32

Obviously not a doctor but I take nhs advice that above 38 is a fever. Anywhere below it, we will watch out but it’s not a fever for us and we won’t even consider calpol until at least 38. My son will be acting normal at 38 sometimes and we don’t even give him calpol until he seems worse off most often at 38.5.

Show quote history

Under 5s are particularly prone to fitting with high temperature so anything over 38 should be treated....not necessarily medicated this could be removing layers cool drinks and sponging ...playing normally means nothing as a trip to a children's ward would show you ....a child who has been ill for a few days who still has a raised temperature is still ill .....the parent didn't need to give Calpol but did so to mask any sign of illness allowing him to use childcare and spread the infection whilst dad had a selfish day on the sofa....no need for childcare just a can't be arsed

Original poster
WantedHisDayOff · 29/12/2022 09:56

@millymollymoomoo

His temp was 37.8 and he just seemed fussier than usual. More tearful getting up.
He was all smiles after the calpol but his cough was really bad, full of phlegm.
His nose was also running a bit, which is why I said I don't think it's fair to take him in today because he's clearly got something. 🙄

OP posts:
ChristmasChair · 29/12/2022 09:57

This is so stressful to read. Your DH is so immature!

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