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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think how I discipline my dog is no-one else’s business?

239 replies

1Childand1Dog87 · 28/12/2022 21:17

I have a 3 year old dog, had him ever since he was a puppy. I am quite strict with him - he isn’t allowed to jump up at people, he isn’t allowed to approach other dogs without the owner’s permission, he is sent to his bed when the family eat so he doesn’t beg for food, he is told no when he touches something he shouldn’t like the children’s toys etc - and occasionally if I have had to tell him more than once about something (he has a habit of getting distracted when guests are over) then he goes to his bed for some time out etc.

Because of this, he is generally a really well behaved dog and I’ve never really had any issues with him apart from if he gets distracted and overwhelmed with loads of people or loads going on, he can struggle to concentrate on what is being said to him - but that is something that is a work in progress. In a normal environment he is very good at listening, etc.

The issues I have had however are with family members making comments every time I do put these boundaries into place - because basically they think he should be able to just do whatever he wants to do. Like an example from earlier today - his behaviour has been all over the place the last few days from being quite overwhelmed with Christmas and busy households - this is normal for him and will settle back down when everything else quietens down. He had something in his mouth that he shouldn’t have done and could have easily caused an issue to himself had he swallowed it - I told him to drop it a couple of times and he didn’t - so I VERY lightly tapped him on the nose and he dropped it straight away and went back to playing with his toys. I very rarely do that unless it’s something he needs to let go of right that second for his own sake and safety and he isn’t listening to verbal commands because of distractions etc rather than trying to drag it out of his mouth. But my family said I should have just left him and he might have dropped it eventually etc.

One family member has a similar dog and she lets him get away with murder and then constantly moans about it - he doesn’t let her sleep and rules the household basically - and yet she criticises me for actually having rules and boundaries with my dog.

Any advice for how I handle this situation?

OP posts:
Helplesstohelp22 · 28/12/2022 21:34

1Childand1Dog87 · 28/12/2022 21:33

It was literally the lightest tap on the nose you could ever imagine - because he had a drawing pin in his mouth that had fell off the wall and wouldn’t drop it - and after that he dropped it immediately. It was more out of panic because I didn’t want him swallowing it - he has been trained the proper way since he was born - but when guests are round that encourage him to do all the things I’ve trained him not to do he then finds it hard to concentrate on what you’re saying to him

If it was so "light" why did it cause him to drop the pin?

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 21:35

BlueLabel · 28/12/2022 21:22

I was with you until you said you tapped him on his nose. That's honestly vile. You need to learn better ways of training a drop command that doesn't involve a physical punishment on one of his most sensitive areas.

🙄

BlueLabel · 28/12/2022 21:35

user1471447924 Yup, vile. There's really no need for it and it hurts them far more than the average ignorant dickhead doing the "tapping" realises.

SnarkyBag · 28/12/2022 21:35

You sound very uptight and people rarely comment on things as they’d prefer to avoid confrontation so if people are commenting on you hitting your dog then I guess they’re quite uncomfortable with your “discipline” on a regular basis.

stop hitting the dog

Original poster
1Childand1Dog87 · 28/12/2022 21:35

@Ginsloth i literally posted at the same time as you

OP posts:
FlirtyMelons · 28/12/2022 21:36

Helplesstohelp22 · 28/12/2022 21:34

If it was so "light" why did it cause him to drop the pin?

Show quote history

My assumption would be that it made him focus on her? When my teenage nightmare pup doesn't listen I use 'look at me' command to get his attention to take the focus away from whatever he's doing. It then helps him to listen to what I am asking.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 28/12/2022 21:37

you sound a bit abusive and controlling to be honest. He's a dog not a robot.

Claddyt · 28/12/2022 21:37

Should of gently opened his mouth to retrieve or got a dog treat anything!! I think you lost it a little as you had guests round and the perfect pup you’ve raised this particular day well wasn’t acting like the perfect pup! Wasn’t following your command so you got frustrated! The end.

AlwaysGinPlease · 28/12/2022 21:38

You don't physically punish if you are a decent owner and decent human being. End of. Let's see someone tap you on the nose.

Eyesopenwideawake · 28/12/2022 21:39

I have 5 adult dogs and a 5 month old puppy. All have been trained to "leave" with a tap on the nose - not a hit or a smack, just a gesture that's unpleasant enough for them not to want to repeat the experience . At the moment I'm watching two of them playing on the sofa and the older dog is being WAY more aggressive and threatening with the pup than I would ever be.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 28/12/2022 21:39

See you back here when your ddog has bitten you op.

FlirtyMelons · 28/12/2022 21:39

Claddyt · 28/12/2022 21:37

Should of gently opened his mouth to retrieve or got a dog treat anything!! I think you lost it a little as you had guests round and the perfect pup you’ve raised this particular day well wasn’t acting like the perfect pup! Wasn’t following your command so you got frustrated! The end.

I agree, it can be really frustrating when dogs get overwhelmed with guests. Distraction I find is the best method in these situations. On Xmas day I took him out for a quick sniffy walk which helped loads. Often if they are overwhelmed no commands work.

MissyB1 · 28/12/2022 21:39

You sound really uptight, and I would say something if I saw someone hit their dog.

Helplesstohelp22 · 28/12/2022 21:39

Eyesopenwideawake · 28/12/2022 21:39

I have 5 adult dogs and a 5 month old puppy. All have been trained to "leave" with a tap on the nose - not a hit or a smack, just a gesture that's unpleasant enough for them not to want to repeat the experience . At the moment I'm watching two of them playing on the sofa and the older dog is being WAY more aggressive and threatening with the pup than I would ever be.

Did you just give yourself credit for being less aggressive towards a puppy than a dog would be? You're a human being.

Original poster
1Childand1Dog87 · 28/12/2022 21:39

@Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon because I tapped him on the nose once? Okay I’m sure he will definitely bite me

OP posts:
DairyDiary · 28/12/2022 21:40

Helplesstohelp22 · 28/12/2022 21:34

If it was so "light" why did it cause him to drop the pin?

Show quote history

Obviously because it got the dog’s attention. My DS has very poor eyesight and very poor hearing. Often, when I need him to understand an instruction, I need his full attention so he’ll register it. I’ll often need to touch him or tap him so he focuses on me. A dog that’s distracted by guests or music or food would be the same presumably - willing to comply but not focussed enough to know what’s expected. (I know dogs and children are different before someone jumps on me).

FlirtyMelons · 28/12/2022 21:40

Eyesopenwideawake · 28/12/2022 21:39

I have 5 adult dogs and a 5 month old puppy. All have been trained to "leave" with a tap on the nose - not a hit or a smack, just a gesture that's unpleasant enough for them not to want to repeat the experience . At the moment I'm watching two of them playing on the sofa and the older dog is being WAY more aggressive and threatening with the pup than I would ever be.

No dog training should involve anything unpleasant for the dog IMO.

Auntiedear · 28/12/2022 21:40

To answer the question in your title - YABU to say how you discipline your dog isn't anyone else's business. I've seen some pretty horrible things done which people have excused by saying it is "discipline" and that is absolutely everyone's business.

Enidcat5 · 28/12/2022 21:41

I would recommend that you read up on the difference between positive and aversive dog training.

Clymene · 28/12/2022 21:41

Eyesopenwideawake · 28/12/2022 21:39

I have 5 adult dogs and a 5 month old puppy. All have been trained to "leave" with a tap on the nose - not a hit or a smack, just a gesture that's unpleasant enough for them not to want to repeat the experience . At the moment I'm watching two of them playing on the sofa and the older dog is being WAY more aggressive and threatening with the pup than I would ever be.

That's because it's a dog. It doesn't know any better. You do.

Hitting dogs is no better than hitting children

Stompythedinosaur · 28/12/2022 21:41

Eyesopenwideawake · 28/12/2022 21:39

I have 5 adult dogs and a 5 month old puppy. All have been trained to "leave" with a tap on the nose - not a hit or a smack, just a gesture that's unpleasant enough for them not to want to repeat the experience . At the moment I'm watching two of them playing on the sofa and the older dog is being WAY more aggressive and threatening with the pup than I would ever be.

Why would the "tap" be unpleasant enough for a dog not to want to repeat it if it didn't hurt them?

Clearly you are striking your dog and causing pain as a punishment. It is a shitty way to behave towards an animal.

Original poster
1Childand1Dog87 · 28/12/2022 21:42

@Auntiedear i tapped my dog on the nose once because I genuinely thought he was going to swallow a pin that could have caused him a lot more damage - he is the sort of dog that if he is distracted like that you can’t get through to him with verbal commands or treats - so yes I did, it doesn’t happen all the time, and it was so small if I had tried to open his mouth and get it out there’s a good chance he would have just swallowed it anyway

OP posts:
Ginsloth · 28/12/2022 21:42

1Childand1Dog87 · 28/12/2022 21:39

@Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon because I tapped him on the nose once? Okay I’m sure he will definitely bite me

You said in your original post it’s something you rarely do, indicating you’ve done it more than once.
You’ve asked how you should handle the situation. In response to that, you should gracefully accept the criticism from the family and from posters on here. You should engage your dog in “drop it” games, with lots of rewards and praise. If you’re as committed to training and caring for your dog as you say you are, accept that what you did is wrong and start training your dog so this situation doesn’t arise again.

DairyDiary · 28/12/2022 21:42

Claddyt · 28/12/2022 21:37

Should of gently opened his mouth to retrieve or got a dog treat anything!! I think you lost it a little as you had guests round and the perfect pup you’ve raised this particular day well wasn’t acting like the perfect pup! Wasn’t following your command so you got frustrated! The end.

This depends on the dog. I have two dogs (same breed) and one I could easily get things out of their mouth without trying and the other I don’t have a single hope in hell - her jaws are ironclad. Absolutely no chance at all that I could get anything from her that she doesn’t willingly give up.

Inextremis · 28/12/2022 21:43

I've had dogs for most of my life (since I was 8, am 63 now) and I really don't think a light tap on the nose is an issue - it's not like a slap or a kick... it's literally just a heads-up to listen. I just tapped my own nose, and it's not a painful thing, it's a reminder. My two rather eldrely lady dogs are snorting and rolling around on the rugs as I type this - if either of them had a drawing pin in their mouths I wouldn't hesitate to squeeze their jaws until they spat it out - what do you think the OP should have done, just let their dog eat the damn thing?

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