To be so disappointed in my son

[abrandnewhumbug]

I’m a single mum to one son. He’s 10.

I didn’t get a single Christmas gift. I don't have a partner and my family only do gifts for the kids, so there's no one to buy me one.

My family gifted my son cash (that was what he wanted) and my brother commented to not forget to buy his mum something with it (he ended up with nearly £500 as we’re a big family and people were really generous). He told my brother he would definitely buy me something.

He hasn’t. He’s spent the lot on rubbish. He’s just had a trip to Lapland too (my gift to him).

He’s a really good boy but I’m so disappointed in him. Lots of my friends are single parents with even younger kids and all those kids found a way buy their mums a little gift.

Now, I don’t need anything and money definitely isn’t an issue but I’m so disheartened that he’d be so ungenerous. It feels very greedy and entitled especially after such a lavish Christmas (his dad isn’t on the scene at all - I do all of it). Even a £1 box of chocolates would’ve proved he had a good heart. He’s had tons and tons of opportunity to buy something since he got the money (he got it before Christmas as we were in Lapland after that).

I’m not sure how to broach this with him, if at all. This feels like a good learning moment but it also feels really wrong to tell my child off for not buying me a gift.

Exactly. You TAUGHT your DS, so he has that knowledge,experience and habit.

He's 10 years old. Unless someone has specifically said to him that it's normal to buy presents for the adults in his life, then he won't know he's expected to do so.

Next time it's your birthday, have a word with another adult relative in advance and ask them to arrange with him so that he buys you something small.

But don't be upset with him for not realising he should buy you a present, how on earth was he supposed to know that.

Same. I actually looked forward to it as I loved buying gifts as much as receiving them, even at that age.

OP you are being ridiculous… he is 10!
I am a single mum with 2 DDs aged 10 and 12. They bought me a couple of small presents because I took them into town, found someone working in M&S to help them and gave them my debit card with a limit to spend. I certainly wouldn’t expect them to spend their gift money on me. Sounds like you need to grow up!

YABVU

Christ I'm not even sure I bought presents for my parents at 17.. never mind 10.

All sounds a bit high maintenance to me.

YANBU for wanting a present at Christmas (though loads of adults just buy themselves something nice) but your brother should have taken him to buy you a present and show him how to wrap it, not just tell him to buy you something, at 10 years of age how would he have done that?

You should have a word with your brother and tell him that next year his nephew will only be 11 and you’d like him to take him Christmas shopping.

And when ds gets cash gifts again, outdated as it may sound, put it in a savings account and show him how a savings book works. Do not give him a cash card. There was a thread recently where an OP’s ds had a cash card and there was all sorts of emotional fallout from him having spent all his £100 savings on snacks for his friends.

This won’t get better if you don’t start teaching him basic life skills. 10 is plenty old enough.

It's completely irrelevant if every other post on this thread is "Well, MY ten-year-old has been buying thoughtful presents without being asked since they were two!!!" Because newsflash, all 10yos are different Doesn't make group A amazing, selfless angels and group B selfish, ill-brought-up little shits. My DD likes thinking of and giving presents. My DS would give you absolutely anything in his power to give, but you'd have to ask .

It is unfair to hold secret expectations and consider a child to have failed when they didn't even know they were being tested. K.I.S.S - "keep it simple, stupid". Take kid to suitable shop. Provide money. Say "I'd like you to buy me a little Christmas present. I would love a nice warm scarf or a box of chocolates." Wait outside shop till kid emerges. Job done.

What on earth is wrong with you to describe a 10 year old with words like that. You said it yourself, you taught your DS that it was customary to buy presents, so he knew it was expected. If no-one has told the OPs DS, then he's not going to know. Children aren't mind-readers, but they are a product of they way they're brought up.

Your 10 year old has spent £500, in cash, on rubbish, between Christmas and now?

Sure he has.

Are 10 year olds really making impromptu visits to the ‘corner shop’ for Christmas gifts?

Sons just aren’t that thoughtful 🤷‍♀️

It's not the DS who is disappointing for not just knowing to buy a gift, it's the OP for not teaching/modelling the behaviour before expecting her DS to just know to do it.

Even in your example you say "I taught my DS to buy Christmas gifts from age 5" ... Clearly the OP hasn't taught her DS the same thing so why hold them both to the same standard?

It's like saying "I'm so disappointed that DS does not know how to ride a bike at 10 ... We've never taught him, nor do we ride ourselves, but when we bought him a bike surely he should just be able to figure it out? His cousin is 10 (DB is a cyclist who has taken him out on balance bikes, trikes, scooters etc since he was little) and can ride a bike ... So why can't DS?"

One kid has had zero support; the other has had support, guidance and instruction from an adult ... Is it really so hard to understand the difference?

If he did it would be a ‘so disappointed to get a bottle of fairy liquid and a scratch card for Christmas AIBU’ thread

This....

🤣

OP i understand why you're upset and a small gift would have been thoughtful. I imagine he got caught up in the excitement of xmas and being a young boy just didn't think.
Perhaps now is the time to start teaching him to think about other people and the value of being kind and thoughtful.
Some of the replies you have had are a damn disgrace and usually are made by people who sit like mice in real life!

Not sure I’m comfortable with an adult coming onto a forum to throw their 10 year old under the bus. This all feels very cruel on a child.

Not sure I believe the story either…

Apologies.

If he is 10 years old and had 500 pounds to spend and has spent it - did you facilitate that spending?

I think there were plenty of opportunities to teach him along the way ...

I was the same,the stuff I bought was probably rubbish but the thought was there.

Selfish and entitled isn't a 'vile comment' - some kids are selfish and entitled when they aren't taught not to be. Mine certainly can be! Don't feel sorry for him though - he's perfectly fine, and has been taught to think about others :)

THIS

I don’t agree. If he is able to sound his money on himself he is MORE than capable of spending some of it on his mum.

Well at 10 mine bought me a packet of maltesers from the local shop, this year it was a marsbar, can of Fanta and a grab bag of pickled onion monster munch . He's never needed telling that people other than himself enjoy receiving presents though

Not sure this is real? If so - he is 10! If your partner had not bought you something then be annoyed but, not if your 10 year old son hasn't!

If you wanted something then you should've asked your sibling to take him out specifically to get something or, ask him whether he wanted to buy something for Mummy, give him the money and take him to a shop.

I think the most in this situation to expect would be something made whilst at school. I would assume most schools do this still at this age.