To be so disappointed in my son

[abrandnewhumbug]

I’m a single mum to one son. He’s 10.

I didn’t get a single Christmas gift. I don't have a partner and my family only do gifts for the kids, so there's no one to buy me one.

My family gifted my son cash (that was what he wanted) and my brother commented to not forget to buy his mum something with it (he ended up with nearly £500 as we’re a big family and people were really generous). He told my brother he would definitely buy me something.

He hasn’t. He’s spent the lot on rubbish. He’s just had a trip to Lapland too (my gift to him).

He’s a really good boy but I’m so disappointed in him. Lots of my friends are single parents with even younger kids and all those kids found a way buy their mums a little gift.

Now, I don’t need anything and money definitely isn’t an issue but I’m so disheartened that he’d be so ungenerous. It feels very greedy and entitled especially after such a lavish Christmas (his dad isn’t on the scene at all - I do all of it). Even a £1 box of chocolates would’ve proved he had a good heart. He’s had tons and tons of opportunity to buy something since he got the money (he got it before Christmas as we were in Lapland after that).

I’m not sure how to broach this with him, if at all. This feels like a good learning moment but it also feels really wrong to tell my child off for not buying me a gift.

How can he blow 500 quid on junk and not get you anything...he is a spoilt brat...i would be angry.

He’s 10 years old. Don’t be so bloody ridiculous.
Also, why on earth are you allowing him to blow £500 on rubbish. Surely you are in control of his spending at his age. Bizarre.

I think that’s really sad!

I really think people have different approaches to presents. I have 16 year old girl / boys twins and my daughter bought thoughtful presents for all of us and she enjoyed doing it - my son bought zip even his sister’s presents were bought by me. But he has helped out with Christmas prep the last few days and vacuumed and has sat on the sofa holding my hand during box sets - I don’t feel I need a present from him as his attention to means more than a box of chocolates.

Poor kid having to worry about buying presents for others at 5.

Worry? My children are this kind of age and enjoy doing choosing and giving presents - they asked to start doing it in fact. They love coming up with ideas, wrapping the presents they have chosen for people and giving them. At 10, it's pretty shocking that a child wouldn't even think to do this, although obviously they'd need an adult to help by taking them to a shop/ ordering the item for them.

He’s 10. Stop projecting your disappointment onto him. He got money, got excited, spent it. Perfectly normal for a CHILD.

He's only 10.
When my DC were 10 they would need an adult to facilitate gift buying- reminding them, perhaps given them ideas and definitely would need taking to the shops or an adult to order something online on their behalf.
Tbh I think your adult family- parents and siblings are at fault here they should think more carefully.
I would say to DB or your parents, DS wants to get me a gift please can you take him shopping and help him choose? Otherwise I won't get anything!
Alternatively you will need to give DS gift ideas and take him shopping or facilitate ordering online yourself.
I'm sorry you didn't get a gift thats absolutely rubbish but I don't think it's your sons fault and you are unfairly taking out on him.
But do treat yourself to something nice just for you

I have children of similar age to your son. One drew me a picture on a canvas I bought and the other just drew me a Christmas picture today as a present (after some cajoling). On Mother’s Day I gave them money to go in to the supermarket to pick me and my mum something. Maybe your son needs a bit of help. I don’t think it’s a sign you’ve raised a selfish child.

Poor kid having to worry about buying presents for others at 5

Agreed. I’ve noticed it’s mainly single parents doing this. It feels like they are using their children as a substitute for a partner because they don’t have a partner to buy them presents. I find it quite sad.

This year none of my kids bought me anything (14, 11 & 6). Some years they have and some years they haven’t. I don’t really notice though. However, I usually receive a gift from either DH & DSis.

I don’t think it fair to blame your DS. Why aren’t the other adults in your life stepping up to make sure you have something to open? I agree with previous posters that maybe it would be a nice idea to teach your son to buy presents for those he cares about the most. Although if he’s anything like my kids, you won’t be on the list!

I don’t think it should be a 10 year old’s responsibility to be completely in charge of whether or not you get a gift. It’s too much on him.

That's you. You're teaching him that others don't matter. That mothers don't matter. But what about in the future if he meets a woman and has children. Some poor woman is going to have to never expect a gift from your son or from her young child. Just look at the number of threads on here from women who have done everything for their families yet not even got a card from their partners. That's because no one every taught them that other people do matter.

I think 10 is quite young, once they start secondary school I think is a good age to instill in him that a Christmas gift is a show of appreciation for all that you do for each other. He receives gifts as you appreciate how hard he works at school, sport, scouts, chores etc and he would get you a little something to thank you for all you do for him, cook, laundry, parent taxi etc.
At 16 and 18 I’d be disappointed if on Christmas Day there wasn’t even a homemade card as a gift. It doesn’t have to cost anything, they could compile a playlist which costs nothing but shows thought.

He’s 10! I’d rather my son keep the money rather than buy me a gift I don’t need. Grow up!

Well it wasn’t directed at the OP. ☺️

Talk about missing the point. Maybe it's not your 10 year old you need to be broaching this with but the people who have made him so ungenerous and entitled by teaching him to have no appreciation for the value of money - yourselves!

This. My daughter has been buying me gifts using her own money since she was younger than 10. She's 12 now and has bought me really thoughtful gifts this Christmas using her own pocket money and money she earned mucking out at her stable.

I don't understand why posters are saying 10 is too young 🤷‍♀️. It's not like OP's son is a toddler.

You need to point out that he should have bought you a little something, and emphasise it’s the thought that counts, not the cost.

Remind him that it would be nice if he remembers to make or buy you a card/present for Mother’s Day.

Just look at the number of threads on here from women who have done everything for their families yet not even got a card from their partners. That's because no one every taught them that other people do matter.

That's what I've been thinking through this thread. So many people happy for their kids.(up to the age of 23!!!!) not bothering to get then anything for Christmas. And not bothering to teach them that its what you do for people you care about.

And give it a week and there'll be another OP about a partner who can't be bothered buying them as much as a card on their birthday.

Yup

The issue isn't teaching kids about this. Of course they should be taught,guided and encouraged from an even younger age.

The issue is OP is disappointed and ranting about her child, his not good heart etc when she didn't teach him any of it. Because she didn't think he needs it. Well ,obviously he does , so she can start now. But she has to put the work in.

OP you still haven't answered a recurring question... what on earth has he spent £500 on in such a short space of time?! I'm going to assume from the amount he's received and your trip to lapland that neither you or your family struggle for money. Neither do I but I don't think I could in good conscience let my young child spend £500 callously. This could help him immensely in future and go towards a deposit for a house/uni fees/first car. Have you ever talked to him about saving? Have you even planted the idea of putting the money in a kid's ISA or something? However well off you are I really don't think you can afford not to have these conversations with him especially with the economy being in such dire straits. He is presumably quite impulsive with money spending and this would concern me a lot less than the lack of gift giving tbh as it's the start of a very unhealthy relationship with money

I think I would talk to your brother. Give him a ring thank him for your sons gift and then bring up how hurt you are.

I dont buy this "boys are shit at gifts" BS, selfish people are shit at gifts.

I suspect your brother will give him the bollocking he deserves without you coming across badly.

My post was clearly about the responses of the majority of posters responding to the OP. Especially those who accept their teenaged and young adult kids not being arsed to buy then a present either. Hence: That's what I've been thinking through this thread. So many people happy for their kids.(up to the age of 23!!!!) not bothering to get then anything for Christmas.

He is sounding quite spoilt tbh.

Giving a 10 year old £500 cash and letting him blow it is teaching him nothing but greed.

But then I also don't believe in children getting everything they "want" at Christmas either.