To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

[windyerneckin13]

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

@FlissyPaps you get called selfish etc. And tell me you wouldn't get definitive.
Honestly just go away you sound ridiculous.

I've said from the start we would both be here and able to flexibly work around our son and work. There isn't an issue obviously as now I know of other people that have tried it and struggled.

You are selfish.

You’re getting defensive because you know I’m right.

You know how utterly stupid and irresponsible it is to have your full attention on your work and believe that’s any good for the child just because they will be in the same room and enjoying playing alone.

I’m still struggling to see the point of your thread if you’re saying from the start you would both be able to flexibly work and care for your son ….

Christ on bike, this thread went left didn’t it.

OP you are not ridiculous for seeking advice from a group of parents online, considering a lot of them will be working mothers who’ve navigated WFH before. It’s a reasonable thought process.

I hope the thread has been helpful on the whole. I just wouldn’t engage with those who are contributing no helpful advice

Thank you @BigMama32 definitely some helpful points amongst the ridiculous.

Someone looks daft and it isn’t the OP. She asked a question, has listened to others experiences and has taken it all on board. You, on the other hand are sticking the boot in, way too invested, making stuff up and saying offensive things. You clearly needed something to do and this is your chosen ‘sport’ for the day. I’ve seen you do it on other threads too though so I’m not surprised.

Sticking the boot in how?

Making what up?

What is offensive?

The OP created the thread. So should be open to ALL opinions. Including negative ones.

Absolutely ridiculous to think you can equally do your job and supervise your child at the same time. Selfish, irresponsible and neglectful.

If that’s offensive then so be it.

@Sherbetdip123

It's incredibly

@Sherbetdip123

It's incredible you could write this:

you definitely sound like one of those stuck up, organic mums that needs a wine at the end of the night because they can’t cope with their feral children that they’ve done a crappy job in raising

And then go on to say:

Clearly noones taught you so I will do the honour “if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all”

You've been appallingly insulting to @TerraNostra who in fairness was only asking what way a 16-month old could contribute to a parent's work, as you suggested.

@windyerneckin13

I don't think you are doing anything wrong asking for advice & others' experiences of childcare arrangements and balancing this with working from home.

What I do find surprising (and perhaps even shocking) is your complete lack of planning, no attempt to try childcare options like a nursery or CM, reliance on GPs, again with limited forward planning. I know this job is new to you, but you have 2 DC, and most of us manage to figure out childcare requirements without requiring direct instruction.

Hopefully the thread has been useful to you to hear others' experiences & plan accordingly.

The one thing I feel quite puzzled about is your insistence that working with small DC us routine for this firm. That's really surprising. Since lockdown ended, most organisations are being clear that childcare is required for children that need it, and it's not reasonable to expect to work from home when you have caring responsibilities. Some organisations make this explicit; others less so but it's a clear presumption. I'm just not certain that you have all the correct information if you feel that wfh while caring for small DC is a given in this company.

@EarringsandLipstick I know it's not the norm but it was explicitly said when they asked me what sort of work pattern I would like and we talked about the option of one day week at home so I could have my son with me and they have written and sent my contract with those hours written.
I have worked for the same company (different department) for years so I am fully aware how we operate and currently some members of staff including my future manager have their kids/toddlers at home during working hours. Again as long as the work is done they're not too interested in the when. So if it's midnight or midday it's not a problem unless specifically something urgent comes in. There is no phone calls / meetings for my role either.

@EarringsandLipstick also sorry i forgot about this bit..the plan was I was going back to my current job part time, babies were going to GPs for the 3 days. Then when I got this new job the plan was to put son in playgroup 1 full day and 1 two hour session plus GPs the other 2.5 days. But that went tits up 3 weeks ago when he still wasn't settling in at the playgroup despite going for 5 days a week for 2 hour sessions (like the other kids). So it's only now that I've had to actually think about whether we could work with him at home or whether we need outside childcare and I came on here just looking advise as to whether it was possible which I've obviously gotten and taken it onboard.

Look you seem to think you can do it. Those of us who had any age dc at home during lockdown know how hard and exhausting it was. I have a colleague who picks up her 5 year old from school and then goes back to work. I now never have a meeting with her after 4 as her dc is always in the room, always distracting her and it is a complete waste of my time and hers. She should have childcare. I could not be a good mum or employee with dc at home and working,

I guess it's fair enough so - you know your workplace better than we do! It seems hard to fathom though. I have older DC (who don't need my supervision) and the days I WFH I still find it distracting for the last hour or so of my day when they are around - in another part of the house, my door closed.

While the work 'can be done anytime' what would be problematic for me is if I eg entail a colleague, they may or may not respond during the working day - or could decide to do so in the evening. I can't necessarily pick up the phone to them as they could be looking after a small DC? That seems a really difficult scenario for a workplace.

Not that it’s happening - it’s happening where I work and management is turning a blind eye. More that your employer is so ok with it to the point that they’re writing into your contract that you’ll be looking after a very young child during ‘their’ time.

Yes, that's it exactly.

I did it 2 days a week when my oldest was 2 for a couple of years. I didn’t have to go on calls on those days and my job was very flexible. Work were fully aware and my job was easy to work around a child. I could stop and give my child attention whenever, I used to do 2 hours before he woke up, worked on and off through the day in between activities and lunch, he napped for 1-2 hours in the afternoon which I worked through and then did a couple of hours once he was asleep. The only time if was stressful was if he was ill but my partner or I used to book leave or my friend would help out. When lockdown hit my kids were older, one in primary, one in secondary and we both worked at home. We didn’t find it stressful at all but the schools were great.

So its not always the stressful experience that others describe.

@RunningRoutes

Was this way of working an option for all employees, including those without children?

I presume so if the role was suitable. There was one woman that cared for an elderly parent that I know worked in a similar way to me. As long as the work was done, our manager was happy.

As long as the work was done, our manager was happy.

This line is trotted out a lot about wfh.

I work in a role that has a considerable amount of work that can be done anytime really. However I also manage a team, am part of a bigger team, and interact with a lot of colleagues in other departments & units (university)

Although the tasks themselves can be done at anytime, overall efficiency abc productivity is compromised if everyone chooses their own hours, and that's exactly why most workplaces have set or core working hours.

And with that it becomes really hard to work properly, and also - properly - look after a dependent child. People say they can - they can't. And the elongated day suits individuals, not workplaces generally, despite this apparently being approved by some.

I don’t think it’s appropriate at all, either for your employer or for your child. We don’t allow it for any children under 5. It’s a safeguarding risk in my opinion. My children didn’t like nursery at first but I had no option as I had to work. They get used to it

It’s ‘trotted out’ because it’s true I suppose. I still work for the same company and we have always had a ‘no meeting day’ one day a week so one day each week internal meetings of any kind are avoided and frowned upon. Lots more people work at home on that day and there’s very little interaction for that one day. One of the two days I worked from home with my child was that day do it was just one more day. Some of the people I had to interact with were part time or did compressed working weeks, we managed our interactions between us. Our company has a really low turnover of staff and excellent team engagement scores, so it does work and staff are happy. It’s a really good company to work for.

I have a colleague who does this and quite frankly it boils my piss she's never focused she's always faffing about and she can't sit through a simple meeting without the little shite interrupting or messing about with the laptop she always needs to 'recap' the meeting because she wasn't listening /paying proper attention but she's a 'working mom' so we all have to carry her and pick up her slack and make sure she knows what is going on so we don't look like unsupportive twats

I don’t think it would work well if meetings have to take place. No need to call a child names though.

Her words not mine

Doubt it. But says a lot about you repeating it anyway even if that’s true.

If her manager has any concerns about performance, I’m sure she’ll flag it or you feel it’s affecting your job, bring it to their attention.