To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

[windyerneckin13]

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

Don't forget their dad is also benefitting from the childcare. And like you say this job is meant to be better for you careerwise

Also your child might benefit from seeing other kids and a good nursery can teach them so much

@SuperSange well considering it started during lockdown we really had no other choice as my current job can't be done part time and we were trying to buy a house. She hasn't had him for 5 days a week since I gave birth this time round and she misses it so what are we supposed to do about that.

Seriously is it really that terrible to use free childcare if it's available?
Who's to say her old job wasn't a childminder or something similar? I have a couple of friends who also use their parents as their childcare. If grandparents want to do it I don't see an issue? I also know plenty of kids that didn't go to nursery until they were 3 and started preschool, hasn't caused them any issues either.

But as I've said plenty of times on Thais thread I'm going to look into child care or part time for the new job. So it's not like I've completely shut the idea down.

Thank you @Angeldelight81
I'll talk to work in the new year when they reopen and see what they say about everything.

Going against the grain, if it's one day and both of you are around and have jobs where you can make up the time later, and he has a long nap, it could work.

But in a taking turns to do childcare way not both of you trying to work and do childcare at the same time way.

If one of you takes him out for a good run around in the morning, it will really help

I agree that childminder or nursery for one or two days for the toddlers would be the ideal. If MIL is happy to continue her days, then personally I’d prefer not to send the baby to nursery until she is older.

Also agree that you’ve got to look at it as half the nursery money coming from your partner’s earnings. And that this time working while childcare is so expensive is an investment in your future. If you’re working 4/5 days it’s already going to take you longer to progress than someone working full time.

You also mentioned that your dad would help out. Is he serious about this? If he could entertain the toddler in a meaningful way (not just Paw Patrol) & you/partner do nappies then your original plan might work.

But you've already said your DS struggles with playgroup, toddler groups, etc. Settling him into a good nursery would be worth the hit otherwise you're likely to be struggling when you get to school age.

It might be convenient for your MIL to do childcare and be good for her but you have to really consider if it continues to be the best option for your DS if he's struggling with normal toddler groups so much. He does need to start to socialising, particularly as he gets closer to 3. 2 hours of infrequent playgroup was very unlikely to be successful with a child who is not confident in social groups.

A childminder? My dd wasn't ready for nursery until she was 3yo but was happy at the childminders.

I think it is mad to think you can look after a 2yo and work tbh, it's not fair on the child, your employer or yourself.

Paying for childcare is part and parcel of being a working parent, you have to suck it up. I was a single parent with no family support and paid for my dd to go to a childminder. I was skint but 🤷‍♀️

@MusicstillonMTV My dad has offered to take him a run for an hour or 2 on that day if we need.

Sounds like hell to me. Fine as a one off but not as your regular plan? You won’t get your work done but if your employer doesn’t care then I’m not sure why we should

@mafsfan it was 2 hours every day, 5 days a week. We thought it would be a good way to get him used to being with other kids his age and other adults but obviously it didn't work out.

Will sort childminder/nursery out and see how he gets on. The only class he was okay in was mums & tots which MIL was with him at.

DH and I both WFH with a 2 year old for 10 weeks during the first lockdown. I know I'm lucky as many people were in this situation for way longer, but hats off to them, because honestly that 10 weeks nearly broke me. It also shook a marriage that I had previously thought was unshakeable. DH and I are OK now, but it put a massive strain on our relationship at the time. Of course DS chose this time to drop his nap (I cried for 2 days) and his tantrums increased. He didn't understand why both parents were at home all the time but not available to him, and why he had to be confined to one part of the house when someone had a meeting. I felt horrendously guilty for being a shit mum and shit at my job, and that was when we had no choice and loads of people were in the same boat! I can't imagine choosing that if there was any other option available.

@windyerneckin13 Having read the whole thread this morning, my concern would be that your partners mum having your two year old isn’t doing him any favours. It works for you and her right now, so it’s up to you if you want to ignore the wider opinion & risks and carry on with that, typically - but it seems your son is really, really struggling when away from his primary caregivers, including her. And that isn’t likely to get better by itself. He isn't, yet, secure enough for the type of playgroup you tried.

For his sake, getting him used to other people and other things is really important now. That’s likely to be easiest if he’s going to nursery, where they’ll encourage him to do messy play and the like, where he’ll bond with his key worker and make friends.

Most nurseries won’t take for a day a week, as it’s really difficult to settle a child in on that schedule - which shows how unlikely him ever settling for two hours was! The playgroup have sold you up the river on that one.

As someone who has worked from home for years, sometimes with friends toddlers, sometimes with mine, it’s generally chaos and catching up is never as easy as it seems. I wouldn’t do it regularly. I’m grateful for the ability to do it when I need to, but honestly; for your sake and your child’s, I’d get a different main option and then use the understanding of your work for when you really need to.

all the best.

Nursery's can be quite overwhelming to a toddler especially if they are sensitive. With a childminder they are in a more familiar home environment with just one care giver to bond with.

A cm was much better for my dd at that age.

Those that are saying their employers are fine with it, I wonder if their legal, and insurers are OK with it?
Lockdown, I think was slightly different because everyone knew what the circumstances were and there wasn't really an option.
i am wondering when,one day the sadly inevitable happens and a toddler is killed or seriously injured because a parent is working at home and minding the child, whether a duty of care case will be brought against an employer.....

*fUNNYfACE36 · Today 10:18
Those that are saying their employers are fine with it, I wonder if their legal, and insurers are OK with it?

I was wondering the same. Also wondering if there was an accident with Ds, SS may get involved and they would not be impressed with this arrangement.

Thinking it’s OK to have your 2yo child at home unsupervised whilst you WFH is mental.

Completely mental. It’s neglect.

If your child will be supervised by yourself then you won’t be working to your full potential. Unfair on your employer, clients and colleagues.

Pure and utter selfishness and stupidity.

And you have the cheek to call other posters mental? Seriously, how dare you?

The catastrophising on this site is out of hand. It is no more envitable that a toddler dies with its parents working online vs taking a shit on a Sunday morning.

I think it's crazy and unprofessional. Given that you'd only be shelling out for one day's childcare, couldn't you experiment with more than one childcare setting/option?

@FlissyPaps who peed in your cornflakes this morning? Christ.

It was just an option and as I have clearly said it's not set in stone and there was a reason I was asking as I've only ever done it when he was a bit younger and I had no other choice but to wfh and have him but as husband was home too it worked well as there was always someone to sort our son and get both of our work done.

@harrassedmumto3 yes I can and will. This was only one option as it is only one day we just weren't sure if it was actually possible.

To even think of it as an “option” just shows so much negligence and stupidity. I’m sorry, but it does.

I’m genuinely horrified at the thought that some people think it’s remotely okay to leave a 2yo CHILD to sit and play with their toys alone for hours whilst their parents full attention will be on work. Not that anyone pissed in my cornflakes …

Nothing justifies this. NOTHING.

I am staggered that your work would be onboard with this. It's a recipe for disaster.

Exactly. It’s ok for middle class families to neglect their children but my god if someone had written here that they didn’t work but watched the TV all day there would be so much angst about neglect.

@FlissyPaps nobody was suggesting he would be on his own though were they. He prefers playing with his toys on his own, runs off screeching if we try to get involved unless it's with cooking, painting etc.
Plus husband is here and has been helping me with both kids over Mat leave so it's not a massive stretch to have thought for 1 day it might be possible to do both.