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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

350 replies

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:05

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

OP posts:
EasterIssland · 28/12/2022 02:58

itisntmuch · 28/12/2022 00:00

Just lucky then. saying a 2 year might be napping for 3 hours in a 10 hour shift is the most bizarre post you’ve read on MN, well that’s a bizarre response considering some of the shit I’ve read on MN.

Mine slept after lunch to 3, sometimes 4 and were very chilled after they woke , 8 to lunch they were full on.

needs must, some families are at breaking point financially, if I had to, I’d wing it at work for one fucking day a week if I couldn’t afford child care. She may have huge debts, who knows? There may be people out there living completely different lives to our own experiences. Fancy that!

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thought you meant 8h out of 10h. 3h out of 10 is not mostly

EasterIssland · 28/12/2022 03:02

Sherbetdip123 · 28/12/2022 00:53

You’re very funny 🙄

Quite clearly one of those people who cannot fathom the idea of children being helpful in having them as company or in their own wee ways. I mean life skills can begin from the early years given that children learn more in the early years than they do at any other time of their life. I am a mother of 3 and each of my children are very capable in their abilities to help in various ways. Not only that but they are seeing their mum work hard to provide for them which doesn’t include time away from them. My career is within the education industry however I chose to file a career break (position is safe for my return) to spend as much time as possible with each of the kids before they began/begin preschool and school.

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We already work during at least 50 years of our life. I’d rather my kids didn’t feel they had to learn any time sooner and enjoy their childhood

FangedFrisbee · 28/12/2022 03:16

My work would not be happy with this. You're paid to work from home not look after your child and 'work' they make it very clear that child care must be sought for wfh and they've sacked someone this week who didn't and it became very obvious.

girlmom21 · 28/12/2022 07:51

Is the 2 year old too much for MIL now? If so, I'd consider what happens in 18 months time.

If not, can you put the baby in nursery and send the 2 yo to MIL all 4 days - if the concern is him settling?

Legrandetraitor · 28/12/2022 07:52

A friend of mine’s 2 year old knocked out his teeth riding a bicycle on a sofa indoors during lockdown because the parents were working.

it’s irresponsible as fuck to choose to do what you’re choosing to do. Lockdown people didn’t have a choice

Spookysparkles · 28/12/2022 08:08

Angeldelight81 · 27/12/2022 21:11

I think it very much depends on what your job is. I can literally spend seven or eight hours doing nothing. Obviously I paint the walls I clean the kitchen I do some DIY, but then if the shit hits the fan at 10 to 6 I’m expected to leap into action and just work until it’s done, so it swings and roundabouts. I absolutely could raise a couple of toddlers whilst doing my job.

What do you do? I’m curious

astralpiano · 28/12/2022 08:13

We don't pay MIL in the traditional sense though have offered numerous times she just won't take it. So we provide most of what son needs when she needs/wants it and use our A/L when she's sick or on holiday or has other engagements. you don't pay her in any sense then

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 28/12/2022 08:15

girlmom21 · 28/12/2022 07:51

Is the 2 year old too much for MIL now? If so, I'd consider what happens in 18 months time.

If not, can you put the baby in nursery and send the 2 yo to MIL all 4 days - if the concern is him settling?

Just having both at the same time for more than a few days at a time is too much.

We looked at nursery for both so that MIL could have a break.

OP posts:
RealBecca · 28/12/2022 08:15

It's a terrible idea. on a practical level it will be stressful all round.

the older they get the more interaction they need and plugging him in front of the telly or swatting him away to play with his toys for hours for a day every week for years until he starts school is unfair and neglectful.

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 28/12/2022 08:17

astralpiano · 28/12/2022 08:13

We don't pay MIL in the traditional sense though have offered numerous times she just won't take it. So we provide most of what son needs when she needs/wants it and use our A/L when she's sick or on holiday or has other engagements. you don't pay her in any sense then

Does that matter?

OP posts:
Frosty1000 · 28/12/2022 08:20

This in my mind will not work but hats off to you for trying.

If you're going to be in the same room, let's say on your laptop sat on sofa, then think of your work set up as you may end up with back problems not being at a desk all day. It is a long day, I can't do that with a 7 year old here on the odd occasion he's not at school as he either gets bored and badgers me or gets so affected by the day in front of TV.

Pre covid you'd have to send lo to nursery so I'd give it a go again, they'll get used to it, they'll have to as you don't have a choice and it's better to be there looked after than being at home with you concentrating on your work.

CoconutQueen · 28/12/2022 08:24

Absolutely not, sorry OP.

There is no way you can concentrate on doing your job when you are looking after a 2 year old for an entire day. It would be impossible even with an 8 year old. Unfair on the child and totally taking the piss re your employer and colleagues.

Ttbhappy · 28/12/2022 08:24

Charliehaus · 27/12/2022 20:08

I’d be super annoyed if my colleague was actually looking after their kid rather than working or trying to work whilst I actually do work.
I think you’re taking the piss
it was bad enough in lock down with colleagues and their screaming kids

Be careful what you say so many parents struggled in lockdown. Very sensitive still for a lot of people.

FlamingJingleBells · 28/12/2022 08:24

Get a childminder as that's a home from home environment. My childminder took my kids out on trips and play groups and they loved it.

SuperSange · 28/12/2022 08:25

It's not often that I'm speechless, but here we are. Pure CF territory.

saveforthat · 28/12/2022 08:30

No it won't work. You cannot work and look after a two year old. You will have too much time to make up when he is in bed or Saturday mornings. Your work will suffer, your child will suffer, your marriage will probably suffer. Unbelievable that this is acceptable in your workplace.

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 28/12/2022 08:43

SuperSange · 28/12/2022 08:25

It's not often that I'm speechless, but here we are. Pure CF territory.

How is CF territory for having a thought and asking for opinions? It's not like I've actually done it 🙄 Jesus this place is mental.

OP posts:
IneedanewTV · 28/12/2022 08:44

It’s child neglect to leave a child all day to play on their own with minimal supervision. If you work and have children then you have to pay for childcare. Govt already subsidises it with UC and vouchers. Why would anyone just sit their child in front of a TV all day?

Scarfweather · 28/12/2022 08:47

In Covid/lockdown we had to adapt to doing things like this as there wasn’t really an alternative - now that’s over I don’t think it’s acceptable for someone who is working to have a toddler present during working hours.
It’s unprofessional, unfair on colleagues who take their jobs seriously and unfair on the toddler.
I’m sorry, OP, be cause I do understand the desire/need to earn money and have a career, but I think sorting out a nursery is the better way forward if you want to do that.

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 28/12/2022 08:55

I've said it already but I was just seeing if it was a doable option as it was offered to me. As the general consensus is no I'll look into actual child care or go part time. More likely part time as I really don't see the point in earning money to pay someone else to have my kid when I may as well just not earn it in the first place.

OP posts:
Confusion101 · 28/12/2022 08:57

@windyerneckin13 why can't you send 2YO for 2 days a week and leave baby with grandparent as ye have arranged to do?

girlmom21 · 28/12/2022 09:02

windyerneckin13 · 28/12/2022 08:55

I've said it already but I was just seeing if it was a doable option as it was offered to me. As the general consensus is no I'll look into actual child care or go part time. More likely part time as I really don't see the point in earning money to pay someone else to have my kid when I may as well just not earn it in the first place.

I would consider nursery 2 days a week for the 2 year old anyway, as a minimum, if it's doable. They'll get their funded hours next year and the socialisation will be good for them if they're shy and struggle to integrate. It's better to do it early if you can.

Will it be easy to go full time again when you want to in a couple of years? It might be more constructive in the long term to go back full time and take the pinch - childcare costs don't last forever.

SuperSange · 28/12/2022 09:08

windyerneckin13 · 28/12/2022 08:43

How is CF territory for having a thought and asking for opinions? It's not like I've actually done it 🙄 Jesus this place is mental.

Show quote history

Yes you have, your MIL is looking after your child free, 5 days a week. It doesn’t matter that she insisted, it’s not best for your child in terms of their development. But you don’t seem too concerned about that, so you crack in. You know best. 🙄

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 28/12/2022 09:17

@girlmom21 I'd need to ask really.
Talking to husband now about just taking the hit for nursery/childminder.

OP posts:
Angeldelight81 · 28/12/2022 09:21

@windyerneckin13 the general consensus is bollocks, do what works for you.