to ask for non-judgy advice? Buying clothes for obese DD

[christmassedout]

DD8 is very overweight. We are aware and trying to tackle it.

I'm really struggling to find clothes that fit her. She needs age 9-10 for the length as she's also tall. Her belly is currently huge and out of proportion with the rest of her :( Age 9-10 jeans won't button up, but if I go up a few sizes to fit around the belly, they'll be too long and too big in the thighs, bum etc. She says elastic waistbands dig in and are too uncomfortable. Tops are less of an issue as she can just wear things very oversized, but I would like her to have some clothes that actually fit her properly.

Parents of overweight children, how do you find clothes to fit them?

Dresses and leggings maybe. How about shorts and leggings.

I don't want to go down the route of treating it like a 'problem area' she needs to cover up. I just want clothes that will fit her.

have you actually read any of my posts?

I don't know how much she weighs at the moment, she's visibly gained a lot of weight since I last knew what she weighed. She's just over 140cm and about a 31 inch waist. I know that's a huge waist measurement, we're dealing with it.

She actually seems to be wanting to comfort eat more and more the more she comments about her weight herself.

What about ladies three quarter length leggings maybe.

Have you been to the GP? If she was big all over that would be one thing, but your description of a child with slim thighs and small shoulders who struggles to fit into age 12 leggings etc because of a large waist measurement is concerning (that's four inches larger than my waist, and I'm a 5'9'' woman in my 40s with a thicker waist than I used to her). There are various things from constipation to IBS (with excess gas) and then more unusual causes that could be leading to so much abdominal bloating. I really would be trying to make a difference to her waist size before she goes back to school rather than buying new clothes. Children can slim down very quickly. My seven year old was average weight for his height in November. Had a nasty flu-like bug that sapped his appetite at the start of December and now looks positively scrawny.

@Santancrap ironically on their website the lead photos are of slimmer looking kids

Have you read any of the OP’s posts. She has stated repeatedly that her DD isn’t “slim” with a big tummy, she’s overweight all over.

Have you read any of the OPs previous posts? She definitely referenced her daughter having slim thighs and that the stomach/waist is the problem area.

@hopsalong's comment is sound.

She's been overweight for a while, she's just gained a lot of extra weight very quickly and that all seems to have gone on her belly. Her arms and legs don't look that big compared to other kids her age, she's had a chunkier torso for the last couple of years. But her belly just seems to be getting bigger and bigger. She has Next plus fit leggings that are just over a 26 inch waist and fitted her a few months ago, but were stretched around the belly. They now fit her in the legs, bum etc but won't go over her belly. Her coat still fits her fine in the arms but doesn't zip up comfortably. She's started to make comments about things like her belly takes up her lap when she sits down 😳

I don't think it can be just bloating, it's very visibly fat. Unless it's bloating under the fat?

I want her to lose weight before she goes back to school, but in the meantime I can't send her out in clothes that don't fit. I can't not buy her clothes.

OP - my son is a similar age and whilst he’s got a big build (160cm and very broad and dense like his dad) he needs to lose a bit of weight and his tummy is big. He looks normal weight in clothes.

I definitely think with a fairly strict diet for maybe two months (by which I mean no sugar or snacking and real food only) you should see a significant difference and if not then see a doctor because that waist measurement is unusual.

Although older, my sister had a similar issue and had an 8lb cyst removed from her ovary. Entirely benign but massive and made her stomach massive despite diet and exercise.

Obviously try the diet first but move to seeing a doctor if you make no inroads.

I know this is going to be flamed and I also know it is a tiny, minuscule chance. But could she be pregnant? 8 year olds have been there in the past. Cases are very very rare and you know your daughter of course, but is there any possibility?
If she was older and you were describing her this way, I would be saying to take a pregnancy test.

You say you want her to lose weight before she goes back to school but it's a week - she safely can't lose much in that time. She needs day clothes and uniform to fit thr size she is for now.

BUT I agree with the others op, I think you need to take her to a GP. That shape of weight gain so rapidly doesn't sounds like too much sweets at Dad's.

From what you describe I don't think it sounds like a weight issue. I would go back to the doctor, maybe try seeing a different doctor. Surely if she had put weight on it would be a bit more evenly distributed?

Also, how much in pounds do you estimate she's put on? She'd have to be eating excessive amounts to be piling on so much weight.

Maybe she needs her belly area examining. You should stress to the doctor that her belly area has increased so much in size over a small space of time, and you're concerned.

I've literally said she can't lose weight before she's back in school.

Could it be something like a cyst even if her belly isn't hard? It's not hard like a pregnant belly, it's definitely fat.

She has been eating a ton of crap at her dad's by the sounds of it. She will just eat out of boredom if she's allowed to.

My friend was an overweight child and she had just this body shape, very apple shaped with slimmer arms and legs. She slimmed down as a teenager and has stayed slim as an adult. She is a slender sixty year old now.
I also had an overweight friend in Primary school who carried the chubbiness mainly around her tummy. I think this is common for overweight children. The ones in my dds class had this shape too , pre puberty. Body shape then changes once puberty hits and the growth spurt starts.
OP it sounds to me like a normal shape for an overweight little girl. Both sexes also get a bit more padded naturally in the year or two before puberty kicks off, so this may also be a factor, she is eating a bit too much but also laying down some fat for her big grow, making her more rounded than she would have been at another point in her development.
She will slim down as she grows and her shape changes, so with some added tweaks to her diet she should lose the extra weight.

She's just tried on a bikini to check it fits as DSDs are taking her swimming. I really don't think it can be anything but fat. Apple shaped is a good way of putting it. I do wonder if core muscles might be part of it too, her core strength is very weak. I have no idea how many pounds she's put on, and I'm reluctant to weigh her because she's started making comments about her weight. She talks about her belly rather than her weight, so I think she's noticed what we have. The leggings she's been wearing have been tight around the belly for a while so I don't think she's actually put on 5ish inches of belly in a few months, I think she's just put on a couple of inches and they can't stretch anymore.

@christmassedout My DD1 is a bit older and isn't overweight, but she a gastro-intestinal motility disorder which causes a big stomach - due to bloating, constipation and delayed gastric emptying. In her case it's manageable in itself but causes issues because she's also T1 diabetic. Her stomach is very big in proportion to the rest of her body and we've had issues finding clothes that fit properly because of it. She also finds elasticated waistbands very uncomfortable on her tummy.

Two things that might help - firstly, trousers that sit on the hips rather than the waist. DD is a bit self conscious about her stomach "hanging out" over the trousers, so we tend to get tops which are a bit longer and oversized - luckily it's kind of in fashion at the moment. It's also more comfortable for her not to have tight-fitting tops when her tummy is bloated and uncomfortable.

Second thing is a low residue diet and small meals often rather than large meals 3x day - this makes it easier for her to digest and reduces the discomfort and abdominal distension.

It's maybe sth worth talking about with a doctor, especially since it's worse in the evening. My DD's stomach is always bigger in the evening. I know you've said it looks like she's carrying weight round her middle but it sounds like it might be a combination of abdominal distension plus weight round her middle, since it seems strange that her stomach would be so out of proportion otherwise. My DD is if anything underweight, so on her it looks more like a very obvious pot belly.

It’s a difficult one, and it might actually be a conversation you’ll have to end up having. Will she be staying at her dads much this year? If so you’ll need to discuss with her making healthier choices while with him

My sister’s cyst looked like she was fat rather than pregnant.

can you get tracksuit bottoms with a drawstring waist?

I mean the main issue here seems to be WTF is the dad feeding her? He’s the problem here and this problem isn’t going to resolve until he takes action. FWIW my nephew is a little similar - his issues stem from moving from a culture without much sweet food to one where there is sweet food everywhere. His parents do feed him only healthy food but he can get sweets at school/shop etc. Since he’s been staying with us he’s been to the park for a few hours daily, walks etc and he is actually fairly fit and hasn’t eaten much at all. We just get on with it and don’t mention weight at all. I am certain the weight will disappear on him as he enjoys active play and finally sweet food is seeming normal and not food he wasn’t able to have before.

So it's not just the tummy then? Cysts, pregnancy suggestions etc, of coursego to a gp but alongside this you have the power to make big changes from today

After everything youve described and the way you say she talks about herself, please find her something better than a bikini to wear with her stepsister so she can enjoy a swim and have some fun without exposing the bits she has complained about. Unless shes 100% happy with the bikinis she's tried?

Shops are open, even the pool usually sells swimsuits.
a one piece or a more flattering tankini style.

try the nike pro shorts as already suggested, can wear matching crop bra with the High waist shorts or longer tankini or swimsuit underneath The fitted shorts.
You've had loads of good advice here, shops are open, sales are on.
No boden tunics or middle aged mum clothes, you've said she wants to be like her friends, you've described what her friends wear, now measure up and go shopping!

My dd had simular issues between 6 and 8, all piled on during lockdown. Our saving graces were Tu, the plus size range - I'd buy right up to 10/11 in shorts and cropped leggings and it would work OK. If the waistband is still digging in then you could cut through it and put a couple of stitches below the cut to stop it tearing? I did this with knickers once for her out of sheer desperation.
Their dresses too fitted well, again sized right up. Obviously the smocked and swing designs, nothing more slim cut.

I also got lots of boxy t-shirts from asda which looked fantastic and were really comfy. Super cheap too.

Jumper dresses from H&M were a surprise hit, she loved them. We found some nice ones in River Island this year too. Those with a pair of knee high boots made her feel the bees knees. Tights are tricky but I used to size up for the waist and just cut the feet off so they wouldn't wrinkle.

I found gap hoodies were a good fit, and I don't know how easy they are to find in the UK, but American Eagle ladies XS sweatshirts are surprisingly not ridiculously long in the arms. They fit the current oversized look well.

The only school coats I found were a Jasper Conran one I found in the sale and an Oshkosh one I got an Amazon.com. Neither very cheap but they were both lovely coats.

Check out the charity shops. Buy things you think might work and have a go at altering them, you won't feel so bad if it all goes wrong! If you're not a great sewer use bondaweb, the iron on stuff. That's where I discovered the H&M dresses and the gap hoodies.

Good luck with everything, it's such a difficult thing to tackle. It broke my heart when my daughter complained about her big tummy. Her appetite naturally waned as she got older and life got busy again, and now she's back wearing clothes that match her age without the need for a 'diet' as such. It was an intensely worrying time though and I wish you both well.

Try snag kids for tights