to ask for non-judgy advice? Buying clothes for obese DD

[christmassedout]

DD8 is very overweight. We are aware and trying to tackle it.

I'm really struggling to find clothes that fit her. She needs age 9-10 for the length as she's also tall. Her belly is currently huge and out of proportion with the rest of her :( Age 9-10 jeans won't button up, but if I go up a few sizes to fit around the belly, they'll be too long and too big in the thighs, bum etc. She says elastic waistbands dig in and are too uncomfortable. Tops are less of an issue as she can just wear things very oversized, but I would like her to have some clothes that actually fit her properly.

Parents of overweight children, how do you find clothes to fit them?

What height is she, and do you have a rough idea what her dress size would be in adult women's sizing?

I'm thinking that cargo trousers and parachute pants are fashionable and easy to take up yourself with little sewing experience (or with iron-on webbing!) The fit is intentionally loose so if paired with a fitted (but not tight) t-shirt should add to the whole vibe.

I'd look at teen/adult young women's collections for tops as the current fashion is short-cut. Not quite cropped, but above or on the waist. So on your shorter DD they should be about right.

With skirts I'd look at the teen/younger women's ranges again. What would be a mini skirt on them would probably be a good length for your DD. Cargo skirts might be a good way to get a similar look to her friends but in a more comfortable and flattering fit.

@christmassedout, it's obviously good to look at her diet. Personally I think that takeaways/ junk food are a problem ( in fact, I think that's what prompted me as an older teenager to try to diet yet again- having realised I'd put on another 2.5 stones from my already not great weight from post pub burgers and chips). However, prior to that my diet was ok, and I say that objectively looking back. I think with me it was hormonal or something ( until the excess burgers) ! I would say try eating reasonably healthily without becoming obsessive and have a daily decent walk. Beyond that, I would guess time will sort it out.

My teen daughter is short and quite round at the belly (mildly speaking), I’ve bought her ripped jeans from Primark women range and then cut them shorter, just with scissors. Looks very trendy, just choose sit below the waist not a high waist option

I don't know how you can be struggling with bottoms now I've seen your post ref what her friends wear, leggings, joggers and cargo pants are the easiest and most forgiving clothes , sweatshirt and tees hide so much especially with an open zipped tracky style top or hoodie to make her shape flow.

Your language about her shape and body, the words you use about her stomach 'flabby' ,'awful', weight 'out of control' lead me to believe that this clothes problem is more of an issue for you than for her.

Please consider your beliefs about looks and weight. Like the poster here who used the word 'horrific' ref your DD's situation.
Hope you don't tell her this about her tummy or use this language around her.

You say 'Really struggling',
But seriously, none of these styles are inaccessible for an 8 year old carrying extra weight, all of them have elasticated waist. She couldnt have chosen a better fashion era than now.

jd sports, sports direct etc all have massive sales on.
Vinted has all the latest brand name kids leisure wear too, so much cheaper and often like new because kids grow so fast.

Experiment with sizes, buy in boys range as they're exactly the same but often slightly bigger waistband.

tops , hoodies and jackets in boys ranges are usually longer, so great over leggings.

for some reason they seem to crop EVERYTHING in girls and women's sports gear.

buy women's small sized bottoms or just size up in kids' section and hem the legs if too long.

.

Here in Cheltenham there’s a company called sturdy kids

www.sturdykids.co.uk

good luck darling xx

This isn't true. My children are averaged sized and have never had to size up by more than a year (and that was usually for height).

My 8 year old ds is pretty solid though and is also fairly greedy. He literally never says no to food. He had cancer when younger and a year of steroids which i think has left him more susceptible to weight gain than my other children. I watch his intake of junk food like a hawk (he still has plenty though!) but i let him have as much dinner as he wants (we eat pretty healthily) but i do understand it is very difficult when faced with a child that overconsumes. Exercise works not because they burn the food off but because they are doing something else and not just sat in front of the tv which leads to more junk food and poor food choices.

The OP has said her dd is flabby and that they are working on her weight. That is the right thing to do and she doesn't need to hear that actually her daughter is normal sized when her mum is on mumsnet because she can't find any clothes for her. Small tweaks will mean her dd just grows into her weight.

OP as others have said you need the more traditional stores (m&s, supermarkets, next) rather than the euro brands like zara.

Oh and also more for kids

moreforkidsuk.com/clothing-for-overweight-children/

I'm overweight for my height due to disability, I cut the bottoms off everything as am very short, nobody knows any different as so many styles have that unfinished look now.
I used to sew a new hem on all my trews, taking the scissors to them is far more satisfying!

That's all boys stuff, no girls

There seem to be a lot of online companies which offer generous fit children’s clothes eg www.sturdykids.co.uk/generous-fit-clothing-for-girls.html. Some very pretty dresses here: moreforkidsuk.com/product-category/girls-dresses/.

Soft casual joggers (even if meant for boys) and jersey dresses may be the way forwards.

@RunLolaRun102, how do you know whether or not this little girl is obese? You do not know her or her family. Christmassedout has said that the doctor has confirmed that the child is, indeed obese and l take my hat off to her for trying to do something about the problem while, at the same time, making every effort to help her daughter not to feel ashamed of herself but looking for clothes that will fit her and make her feel the same as her friends.

When I say she has a big belly, it's now too big for elasticated waists. She has a lot of elasticated waistband leggings etc that fit her until a few months ago, they now won't stretch enough. She can wear them under her belly, but then it hangs out under her tops. If I go up any bigger in leggings for her they are too big everywhere else.
It's not me being negative about body image, I physically can't find clothes to fit her properly.

Sturdy kids etc don't seem to do anything that isn't school uniform.

Hi Op, similar situation with my nearly 11yo DD. I feel terrible that I have allowed her to get overweight as she has become sneaky over the last year and takes food without asking. I have food issues from my childhood and my parents hid food from me and controlled it like mad because I was overweight, and I ate in secret and was a binger eater. I don't want the secrecy around food for my DD and want to trust her but unfortunately it's a real issue.

But anyway, for clothes, we have Next leggings which are a big bigger around the waist I think, and longish t shirts I think again from Next. And big hoodies - we had a great one from Primark recently. One thing I've learnt is not to bother shopping online as it's too risky getting an idea of fit. We are going shopping next week so hope we can find some nice things.

If you’re willing to throw money at the problem, you could order from the US. Most of their department stores have a ‘husky’ range for kids.

Asda seems to be generous with their sizing as I have the polar opposite problem with all my DC who are extremely thin. Eldest (15) needs holes put into his belt to keep up his jeans. Find it a nightmare getting clothing to fit properly.

Some brands do three fits for children, skinny, regular and curvy. I have never understood why as adults we are allowed to be different sizes but children are sized by age and not sub-grouped for body shape within their age group.
La Redoute used to do the three sizes for some of their trousers, Lands End too, but just the US site I think. V helpful for swimwear (I have dc with the opposite issue and trousers never fit, so I have spent years hunting for ranges that don’t just size by age, now they are both teenagers I can buy adult sizes.
The other thing is getting things altered. A last resort but I have done this.
Finding brands that fit generously will help. How close is she to four foot ten? As from then you might find womens petite ranges will give you more options, as the height fit will be right, and you will have a wide choice of sizes to get the width fit right too.

If it is just her tummy area and she is slim everywhere else have you had her assessed for stomach issues that can cause bloating such as IBS?
Apologies if I'm wrong as I'm no medical expert. Just a thought.

@Zedcarz - the OP has said they have bought the more generous / plus sized childrens leggings the next size up and they are still too small for her dd to wear comfortably.

OP - cropped leggings another size up might work, also hemming longer things rather than trying to find specialist ranges.

@christmassedout I'll say this again and then I'll shut up. I was EXACTLY the same as a child and then in proportion as an ( ok overweight) teen. It was not my diet at that point as far as I m concerned. Sensible eating, exercise that can be maintained such as a daily good walk and clothes that can be flattering ( you've had plenty of suggestions) and then just chill. She will be fine

I'd try leggings. Even though they do have an elasticated waist you can get very soft ones with wide waistband that don't dig in. If they are a bit long that can also be dealt with as they can generally just be pulled up a bit. Couples with longer tops they would be fine.

And sorry, then as I said before became very slim as an older teen, still slim now. No changes to diet etc.!

Oh sorry darling I thought they had girls stuff too.
keep us updated darling xxx

I thought the exact same
or possibly an intolerance

I’ve never bought from them but noticed Snag from tights fame started doing clothing - leggings, joggers, dresses. Since the tights are famous for their fit, maybe the clothes are worth a look?

Don't get leggings then, make it a non issue.
get cargos, easier to hem than joggers or with non elasticated hems also easy to take up.
Get decent brand names and she will feel valued and fashionable , they love nike , Northfleet, hoodrich, adidas etc.
Splurge a bit in the sales so she has a capsule wardrobe of mix and match roadmen clothes.
All the kids look like gang members but the look is so easy to wear.

Nike tech fleece is designed to feel lightweight so really good for comfort where any activity tires her out or makes her too hot

Men's styles start from xxs so would be easy to find the right waist size in mens if you're genuinely struggling in kids.
Give her sports she can keep up in such as swimming and cycling where she can set her own pace.
You can get fab shorts for swimming or even the Nike pro shorts they were all wearing in the summer, nice synthetic material so will dry and perfect for swimming.

One of my kids has sensory processing needs and autistic so very particular about clothes and water clothing issues so wore nike pro short for swimming all summer.
Can wear on top of swimming costume or get a tankini top as separates to go with the pro shorts which are in children and adults sizes.