DH family not treating kids evenly

[Sickofpeople18]

AIBU?
My husband has 2 kids from his first marriage and 2 with me.
We normally give money to all the family kids at Christmas but couldn't manage this year, I didn't expect anyone to give any to my boys as we didn't give to their's so that's only fair but now I found out all the family gave to the 2 oldest girls and nothing to our 2 boys, because as I over hear them say on Christmas day "they gave ours nothing so I'm not bothering with their's are you?" But then to give to 2 just didn't seem fair the little ones don't understand why the bigger ones got something and they didn't. I'm upset about it, I don't know ow if I should say something or just distance from them as I know it was done out of spite.

I’m not sticking up for the family, a bloody selection box could have done.

But were they concerned that due to finances you and DH decided presents for your DC only and not the adult step kids?

Historically are the DSD treated as apart if your family unit in terms of time together, holidays etc?

We have a step situ in my extended but because of the dynamics the steps aren’t always viewed within the family unit and are considered a bit of a stand alone (eg, invited via mum to family parties as if invite goes to dad and SM they won’t have the SK’s extra day to bring them 🙄)

It hasn’t gone your way so you’re getting annoyed.

Just see it that there are two sides to this and maybe you could consider someone else’s view.

like I said I can see why you’re upset but I do think YBU. I dont think you’re a bad person at all, but it’s not ok for you and DH to change things for the girls this late in their lives. I would try not to be so angry that people don’t agree with you and just learn from it.

I was not just trying to change the rules as people keep saying my husband said there would be no presents, (money) for anyone this year but it's me who everyone seems to be turning on.

the very first mention of your DH beyond the OP telling us he had two SC

But said you couldn't NOT buy for the girls because you love them so much after seeing them grow up, indicating its OK to see the boys go without because you don't...?

Why should their children see their family hand over a chocolate Santa to your children when you couldn’t do the same for them? I mean God forbid someone teaches their kids you don't give to receive. Imagine how screwed up they'd be being told "Uncle Steve can't afford it this year, we can so we still buy your cousins, it's called kindness"

And you keep repeating about the choice between buying them presents versus rent and food.

Fair enough. You couldn’t afford to buy presents. So you said… no kids presents this year.

They took you at your word and didn’t buy for your kids and you didn’t buy for them.

but you seem put out they they didn’t get your kids something.

They got their adult SC a present though. Two adults that they have known many many years longer than you.

@Ursuladevine you absolute weirdo, how many comments?!!! Must be 20 plus! You are either obsessed with this situation.... or a troll looking for threads to attack an OP at every opportunity. Either way how sad in the season of goodwill!

What can I say? My children with ex for first time in a fortnight, nothing decent on TV and I’m curled up under my heated blanket enjoying being a bit baffled by this OP! 😂

I take it back @Ursuladevine, no less than 40 posts from you, definitely a troll, OP please don't rise to any more of the tragic goading!

Have you just counted? I’m honoured! 41 and counting…. As i say, it’s a quiet night here! 😂

But perhaps it would be a good idea to get myself moving and find something in the fridge to eat!

@lookoutkid thanks I was starting to wonder why this weirdo kept appearing all the time god must have nothing else to do. I have no interest in bothering with them, they must have a very sad life if this is what they do for entertainment. The last post they put to you with the laughing face explained their whole messed up mentally. Some people need to find a hobby

I’m not going round in circles with you, it’s pointless. OP ASKED for this so she got it. She has no right to ask for things to change for the families adult nieces who have been part of that family for years before she even came along.

she got what she asked for, the girls got what they asked for.

This. With bells on

42….

This!! Honestly it’s not a hard concept!

OP I don't blame you for taking a step back from this whole charade of Christmas presents. Passing cash around to children is just bloody ridiculous especially when you really can't afford it.
Fortunately we don't have a very big extended family on either side, but after one Christmas when the gifts we bought for DH's nephews and nieces and for MIL & PIL were unappreciated and we were asked for cash or vouchers in future, I told them I didn't see the point and no more Christmas gifts would be given or expected.
It all went a bit low contact after that.
I can think of no reason why your DH's siblings would treat his children unfairly like they did. It sounds really mean and nasty to me.

There's no way I'd leave any DC out if I was giving, especially if I can afford 200 euro on gifts, I'd at least give the little ones something. Mine would be stoked with 5 euro each. It's not kind of the adults involved. I wouldn't expect very young children to feel that's fair.

I’ve always treated my nieces and nephews equally when they were children, but as adults it’s been on the relationship we share and irrespective of their parents and that does make it complicated with your scenario. I’m more disgusted with the comments than the actions

Rather glad you mentioned it as I was wondering if I was the only one a bit weirded out by it! Dissecting all of the posts and interrogating the OP… bizarre. 😂

This is an issue when people have multiple kids with multiple people. Shows families have no standards and no sense of right or wrong

If OP is in a situation where she can't afford to "do" Christmas she should have done something at home and explained to everyone her situation.

Or if DH family are kind, people would know not to gift some kids and not others in front of everyone.

This just shows the lack of emotional maturity amongst some communities

Yes go ahead and call me names and that's absolutely fine

I just don't see why the younger ones were forgotten they are my husbands kids too,

But your younger ones were no more forgotten than any of the other young children were. Of course it’s fine for you not to give gifts to the other children when you can’t afford it or for any other reason, but you don’t get to complain when your children get nothing in return.

You don’t seem to understand that although you and your husband chose to opt out of gift giving for the children, you don’t have the right to dictate that for young adults who have their own established relationship with these relatives.

At 3 and 4 years old, your children will be able to understand that they aren’t old enough to do many of the things that their older siblings can do. Your children will only be offended if you teach them that that’s the correct response in this situation. If you brush it off as one of those things that’s just for grown up children the little ones would think nothing of it.

I kinda agree with this . It feels like 2 different families give the age differences in your OH children .
Did your OP buy gifts for his children , I hope he did but if he didn't it might be another reason why his family didn't want his older girls missing out . FEIW I don't think their reasoning for giving the older girls is anything more than tit for tat , you're not buying so you're kids aren't getting . They see the older girls as a different family and may indirectly blame you and your kids as the reason there's not enough money any more

They see the older girls as a different family and may indirectly blame you and your kids as the reason there's not enough money any more

This is why I asked ages ago if the DH told his family the plan, or OP did. Even if it was the DH there is indirect disapproval of something here - financial decisions, second family, choice of second partner. I'd be amazed if the OP didn't know, deep down, if she really looked at her relationship with them, which it was.

My god since when do you give to recieve.
@lookoutkid thank you for saying it!. Op asked for opinions and people are entitled to disagree but @Ursuladevine seems to have taken it very personal. I feel he/she will be sitting at home thinking non stop about this thread.

I’m sure they also have kids wondering why you got them nothing this year, but that’s the decision you made.

You must be new to MN. This is pretty much how threads go around here. Who cares? It’s good escapism. At least half of what you read on here is bullshit anyway.