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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sons girlfriends comments

262 replies

OnPurpleHill · 26/12/2022 14:02

My children have came back from the cities they live for Christmas/New Year as they always do. However my sons girlfriend who lives with us, as they’re saving up for a house, keeps making comments about how busy the house is and how she can’t wait till after new year till things are quiet again.

In her defence she’s saying these comments in a joking sort of way, however I’m absolutely furious. Firstly, I don’t get to see my children that often and I cherish Christmas so much more since they’ve moved out and come back for the holidays I don’t like the idea that they’re an inconvenience.

Secondly, it’s not even her house, if anyone doesn’t have a claim to this house it’s her. AIBU?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 26/12/2022 14:04

She is finding the house being full overwhelming and probably a bit stressed. She is saying it jokingly, give her a break.

StreamingCervix · 26/12/2022 14:05

Oh dear.

how long do you expect your son and his girlfriend will be living with you for while they save? Are they paying rent?

DrunkOnHim · 26/12/2022 14:05

She’s not demanding they leave, it sounds like she just prefers a quiet house. I don’t really see the problem. Say something in response like ‘I love having everyone here and will be sad when they all leave’ and she might see it from your point of view. Non issue though if she’s otherwise ok to live with.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 26/12/2022 14:06

She is making jokey comments about there being more people in the house than she's used to (factual) and you're furious? Why?

Are you resenting her living with you? Is there an issue with her and your son not contributing to the household?

mrsmarmalade12 · 26/12/2022 14:06

It sounds like you've got a bigger problem with her and you're using this as the catalyst.

Thedaysthatremain · 26/12/2022 14:08

You are over reacting

Original poster
OnPurpleHill · 26/12/2022 14:09

They don’t pay rent as they’re saving for a deposit and I like her as a person, but I didn’t quite expect a full time lodger when they first started dating, in other relationships my son and his girlfriends have alternated between the houses they spend time in.

OP posts:
Scurryfunge12 · 26/12/2022 14:09

She probably shouldn’t be voicing her opinion so often, it’s a bit rude when you are kindly letting her live in your house, but at the same time she clearly feels overwhelmed by the noise etc at the moment which is understandable given I feel like that sometimes in my own house with my own family.

I can understand it’s annoying for you but I also see her side. Maybe tactfully suggest she gets out of the house for a while for a break and a bit of peace?

Blondlashes · 26/12/2022 14:11

I’d quietly ask her to come and help you and explain while she is helping that you love having your children home. Hopefully then the comments should stop.

drpet49 · 26/12/2022 14:13

She sounds ungrateful. She is living in your house rent free. Maybe start charging her.

StreamingCervix · 26/12/2022 14:14

Does she have any family she could be visiting? I think I’d maybe suggest she go and stay with them if she wants a bit of peace and quiet, or she can always go and rent her own place as well if that suits her.

its pretty rude to be complaining when she’s being financed by the op and her family.

HelpMeGetThrough · 26/12/2022 14:15

keeps making comments about how busy the house is and how she can’t wait till after new year till things are quiet again.

That's just begging for the comment "sounds like you're moving out in the new year then."

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 26/12/2022 14:15

drpet49 · 26/12/2022 14:13

She sounds ungrateful. She is living in your house rent free. Maybe start charging her.

Agree.

Do it now to start off the new year with a different arrangement. They shouldn't be able to save at your expense.

PurplePixies · 26/12/2022 14:15

Sounds like you resent letting her stay with you. Why did you agree to the arrangement? Is it because you don’t really want your son to leave home?

What does she contribute to your household in terms of practical help or financial contributions?

One the other hand, she obviously feels comfortable enough in your company to be honest about feeling a bit overwhelmed by the busyness in the house. That’s entirely normal when you’re used to a quiet home.

If you’re starting to feel resentful of their presence, maybe you need to discuss a moving out date?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 26/12/2022 14:15

StreamingCervix · 26/12/2022 14:14

Does she have any family she could be visiting? I think I’d maybe suggest she go and stay with them if she wants a bit of peace and quiet, or she can always go and rent her own place as well if that suits her.

its pretty rude to be complaining when she’s being financed by the op and her family.

Totally agree, and OP needs to point this out.

breatheinskipthegym · 26/12/2022 14:18

Sounds like she keeps voicing it because of some unmet need for peace. It’s hard being overwhelmed and in someone else’s space when you feel like you have to go along with what the ‘host’ is doing. Why not gently suggest to her that if it’s a bit much, no-one would mind if she slunk off for a bit, to her room, for a walk, whatever. Maybe “I love a busy house with everyone here, but if you’re craving some alone time, please don’t feel like you have to be in the thick of it all day”.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/12/2022 14:21

It can be overwhelming to be surrounded by family. She shouldn’t be mentioning it more than once, so just tell her it’s annoying. It’s bizarre you’re furious though. It’s a small thing. Examine what it might be underneath, eg due to resent her living with you rent free or full time, or would you just like an end date?

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 14:23

Calm down.

It's not her house but it is her home. She should be able to express herself in a jokey way without you getting all 'furious' about it.

Awrite · 26/12/2022 14:24

She's being a tad insensitive. Not intentionally I suspect. She probably thinks she is joking with a kindred soul (about the need for peace and quiet).

You are being very kind letting her live with you full time. Why not just explain that you miss your children and enjoy having the house full?

Clymene · 26/12/2022 14:25

I'd tell her that this is your house and if she'd like peace and quiet then she should rent her own place. And fill the house with people at every opportunity

Holly60 · 26/12/2022 14:26

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 14:23

Calm down.

It's not her house but it is her home. She should be able to express herself in a jokey way without you getting all 'furious' about it.

Is it not that she is saying it in front of the guests?

If she was saying it to me quietly, I'd give her a hug and suggest she goes off to read for a bit.

If she kept saying it in front of my visiting children I'd be furious too

OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa · 26/12/2022 14:29

Tell her to go home to her own family home if she wants peace and quiet. Why did you agree to her living with you? Can't she live with her family and he lives with you? This is what my husband and I did to save for a house we lived back with our parents after uni and just lived between 2 houses, all my stuff was at mine and his at his parents, we slept over at either house a couple of times a week and a couple of nights we were apart. Meant no one out stayed their welcome. Sounds like she's outstaying hers.

Heartsofstone · 26/12/2022 14:29

She’s being rude about the way you choose and enjoy to spend Christmas. I would let it go unless she persisted, then suggest she spend it elsewhere, wherever she prefers it and can get a free invite.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 26/12/2022 14:31

I’d be charging rent in the new year. You can’t keep grown adults in a house without a contribution of some sort. Yes, they are saving to buy a house, but it’d be interesting to know how long they’re intending to be staying and how much they’ve actually saved.

Motorcycleemptyness · 26/12/2022 14:41

Be as furious as you want OP but good luck seeing your grandkids when they come along if you alienate her.