Sons girlfriends comments

[OnPurpleHill]

My children have came back from the cities they live for Christmas/New Year as they always do. However my sons girlfriend who lives with us, as they’re saving up for a house, keeps making comments about how busy the house is and how she can’t wait till after new year till things are quiet again.

In her defence she’s saying these comments in a joking sort of way, however I’m absolutely furious. Firstly, I don’t get to see my children that often and I cherish Christmas so much more since they’ve moved out and come back for the holidays I don’t like the idea that they’re an inconvenience.

Secondly, it’s not even her house, if anyone doesn’t have a claim to this house it’s her. AIBU?

Moment has passed, let it go.

If she repeats it then I'd suggest to her that it is her choice to live with you and your family.

“Absolutely furious”? Do you usually over-react like this?

She’s made casual comments that she prefers the house when it’s quieter. I’d feel the same way too. It’s disruptive when there are people staying over at Christmas - especially if you are all sharing a bathroom, etc. You invited her to live with you so this is her home. Since she doesn’t pay rent, you can ask her to leave whenever you want. She’s allowed to voice an opinion on a situation, it’s a free country. You have the right to disagree with her on the matter.

@Maximinimalist perhaps you're right and the other dc aren't taking it seriously or don't care. Or perhaps they are fuming and moaning to each other out of earshot about how the cheeky freeloading cow is making them feel unwelcome in their parents home. We don't know. We do know that she is making OP feel annoyed though, and it's general etiquette NOT to piss of your host, that's just obvious, so whether it's understandable, or excusable because she doesn't mean it or is young or whatever, doesn't matter, it's still not great manners.

It's up to OP if it bothers her enough to say something or not - obviously I wouldn't suggest any sort of screaming match but just '[name] you've said that a few times now, I know you don't mean anything by it but you might not realise it comes across as quite rude. I hope you feel that we've made you and [DS] welcome here over the last few months, but other dc are my children and they are just as welcome as you are in my home, it's not nice for me to keep hearing how much you want them to leave.'

Hi op
Sounds like your son's girlfriend,could have got bit too comfortable and taking you a bit for granted,
Does your sons girlfriend offer to help out a bit ,such as housework or other practical things?
she and your son are extremely lucky to not be expected to pay anything towards rent at all,

I can understand, his girlfriend feeling bit overwhelmed having houseful of your family visiting all of sudden.
What did she expect?,
Its Christmas time , for heavens sake, !
she can't have her cake and eat, without making a compromise or two,

Op you shouldn't have to explain anything about, enjoying having your family to vist,
She should just " get it",
It's called Life ,
sons girlfriend needs to, get over it/get used to it,
if she is serious about being with your son, long term.

I wouldn't be happy about the comments either. It's your house and your DC family home.
Does she think you're going to sshhh everyone or usher them away early??
If she makes another 'joke.' Just say along the lines, 'aw, do you think so? I love Christmas with the kids, it reminds me of when they still lived here.' It doesn't have to be nasty, just how you feel. Definitely needs nipped in the bud though, she is being very entitled in your home.

I agree!

@OnPurpleHill, I think you do need to say something, either to her or your son.

Point out that you yourself are enjoying having everyone there, and you don't want her comments to upset any of your children, or yourself. Her 'jokes' are rude.

Oh wow this is what people have to get furious about, someone finding a busy house difficult like many do. Wow.

Saying something like that once as a joke is fine, but if your DS's GF has said it several times that's not OK - that's not a joke, that's being rude. You've been quite quick to take offence so this whole thing may be wearing thin on you. It's Christmas so not the time for heavy discussions but I'd put this on the back burner until the New Year then have a talk with your DS about what's happening with their own house buying.
They're enjoying living together without any of the downsides of having to pay their own way, I'd want to make sure they weren't dragging their feet about moving out

Which begs the future question, we don't want people visiting our newborn at xmas.

Hi Op
I think your attitude comes from emotional place of feeling like a Martyr,
I sense a feeling of resentment, somewhat,

I think as sense of feeling this way, that it be preferable if your son/girlfriend could alternate different days stay at yours, and girlfriends family.
Way forward, have the expection of them helping in either a practical way or financial way in basic way in minimum way, if they are struggling financially,

Also encourage to do find some paid work, even part time or volunteering work, as it look good on their cv too,

They can work towards a goal of putting a deposit down for rental of flat or house

Good idea, then she can have more children she doesn't see very often.

There's more to this. Do you have any other issues with her? I feel we are getting haif a story,

5 years down the line...."Why doesn't my DIL talk to me? Wny don't they invite me for Christmas?"

Why are you "absolutely furious"
Maybe go for a walk and try to calm down? Jeeze.

Suggests she goes and stays with her family during this time, after all she sees you all the time,

Hasn’t son’s girlfriend got any family she can spend time with? Sounds like you both need a break.

Absolutely furious is just plain silly OP, but I could see how it would be a bit irksome if she kept at it. Ultimately she's made some joking comments that the house she is living in is busy (which it is compared to usual) and that she prefers it quiet (which a lot of people do). Extrapolating from that how she isn't happy for you that you're reunited with family at christmas,or that she should consider the fact your own children don't visit you as often as you'd clearly like is unfair as well as a hiding to nowhere - that isn't anything to do with her. If she wasn't willing to live at her boyfriends mum's house I assume you would see your other son an awful lot less as well.

If you weren't happy with her living there, or aren't, or would rather a contribution then ask for one or ask to discuss the situation like adults once you're feeling less upset and when emotions aren't running high.

I actually get the furious element, particularly as she’s made numerous comments infront of the whole family.

I’ve chosen not to go back to my parents home this year as my younger sister and boyfriend have moved in by stealth and he’s taken over to the point that I feel unwelcome there. This woman has vocalised to the op’s other children that she’s counting down for their departure. Let’s hope for all of their sakes that they have moved out by next Christmas.

Numerous comments that she doesn't like a busy house and is looking forward to some peace and quiet. So what? Does she not exist?

Can you not see that it’s a rather pointed comment to make in front of the very people you are suggesting are creating a busy house and disturbing her peace and quiet?

Its quite plainly rude and bad manners. Particularly considering the generosity the op is showing her, where’s the generosity of spirit from her sons girlfriend?

No I can't. All I see is someone who gets tired being around people and expresses it to relieve the pressure. Wow, sue her for being human.

Is the OP some kind of generous martyr or something? She allowed her to live there so it's her home and she can say how she feels. No-one is forcing her to do this.

@HotChoxs, are you the son's girlfriend?

Yeah obviously.
Are you another one having a grinch like xmas or something?

I'd ,make a sympathetic comment and suggest that she takes a walk out for an hour or two to clear her head.

Just as no one is forcing her to stay. If she doesn’t like the conditions in the household, she’s free to leave at any time, perhaps seek peace and solitude at her own property/ with her own family.

I say all of this as a raging introvert who doesn’t love socialising, that doesn’t give me the right to be disrespectful to others.