Sons girlfriends comments

[OnPurpleHill]

My children have came back from the cities they live for Christmas/New Year as they always do. However my sons girlfriend who lives with us, as they’re saving up for a house, keeps making comments about how busy the house is and how she can’t wait till after new year till things are quiet again.

In her defence she’s saying these comments in a joking sort of way, however I’m absolutely furious. Firstly, I don’t get to see my children that often and I cherish Christmas so much more since they’ve moved out and come back for the holidays I don’t like the idea that they’re an inconvenience.

Secondly, it’s not even her house, if anyone doesn’t have a claim to this house it’s her. AIBU?

This.

Moaning like she is is the height of ungrateful entitlement. Maybe they should be given a deadline.

Why didn't she go to her family for Christmas?

Sounds like she’s taking your kindness for granted and feeling entitled rather than a grateful guest. Can you put a time limit on their stay.
It’s your house and if you want a family Christmas then it’s your decision.

And why can't you just tell her how much you love and cherish Christmas with your family? While also recognising how chaotic and demanding it must be for her? Acknowledge that it's busy and must be hard for someone who hasn't grown up within the family to fit into but that you love it, hope she's enjoying herself some of the time at least and say that she's welcome to opt out and slope off for a bit of peace and quiet when the family traditions, in-jokes and craziness get a bit much.

It can be so hard fitting in to other family's traditions, especially when it's a big, busy family - and they don't see each other often, so are very focused on each other. It is very easy to feel like a spare part.

How sensitive and solicitous is your son, her BF being? Is he making sure she's included and comfortable? Or getting carried away in the moment sometimes and leaving her out a bit?

It’s not her house, but it is her home.

Is it? I mean, it’s where she currently resides, but she’s basically got less entitlement than a lodger as far as living there.

she’s a guest of the homeowners son, who pays nothings towards rent. The minute the son (or the homeowner) no longer want her there, she’s out.

Next time, I’d say gently that you love having all your children at home and enjoy the chaos.

Maybe she’s feeling insecure about her role in the home now everyone is back and trying to connect with you on some level for reassurance- what sort of relationship does she have with her family?

I def. wouldn’t be happy either, OP. You’re doing her a favour - she ought to know better than to make such remarks - whatever she may privately think.
Just another case of poor manners.

No, I swallowed it because it was mainly underhand. I had told DH about what she'd say and he insisted she would have been joking or I'd taken it the wrong way. He sees the good in everyone, not just his own mother. When she'd make obvious snide remarks I have pulled her up and it's caused friction. So I made a choice to swallow anything minor for a simpler life, and go no contact if she steps out of line.

It's her residence, but it's not her home. One creates ones own home. Mooching off the kindness of others doesn't count.

What is it with extreme reactions and MNers?
‘Absolutely furious’ for goodness sake!
To be honest I felt the same yesterday when I had a houseful of my kids and their partners. I craved some quiet after a while.
If you are used to things being quiet nearly all the time, lots of noise and chatter can be overwhelming to be fair.

In your shoes I would have said, ‘ yeah, it’s a bit full on, we’ll be back to normal soon’

She needs to leave. Ungrateful.

She apparently has rude manners but people on this thread are calling her a “rude little cunt”… I know who I’d rather be spending time with, fucking hell!

This.

If she is living there full time it is currently her home.
It's just not her house.

If the op doesn't want her living there and sharing her home long term then she needs to speak to her and her son about it.

Yup. Extreme reactions are common on social media, aren't they? If I had a quid for every stupid, daft, entitled, thoughtless thing a kid or their current squeeze has said, I'd have enough for a weekend in Paris.

No she doesn't she made a comment in jest which anyone might make if they are not used to a houseful of people. It's not like she's demanding they leave.

You are probably looking for a reason to dislike her OP like most MILs, I think your overreacting majorly

If you don’t want her in your house, just tell her. You resent her being there. She will sense it. Just tell her and your son that you are no longer happy to have them stay with you. That’s the decent and mature approach rather than this ridiculous outrage over a minor thing. She has mistakenly thought it’s her home (though not her house). You should have told her from the get go that she should not make herself comfortable.

Poor girl. She’s feeling overwhelmed, being rude isn’t going to help. Just have a quiet word, explain how you love having your family home but if shes feeling overwhelmed there’s lots of strategies to cope and talk them through with her.

How would you want the relative of one of your children's partners to treat them if the shoe was on the other foot and they were struggling to cope at Christmas time?

Hm. It seems to me that many posters expect graciousness, flexibility and a big smile at all times from OP's DS's GF but are unable to model these behaviours themselves.

You cannot invite someone to live with you, then accuse them of 'mooching'. Invite lodgers in willingly, or don't. Inviting people in, only to resent them, would be incredibly mean-spirited.

Perhaps a bit of gentle emotional openness and honesty on both sides would not go amiss OP?

But really, where is your DS, her BF in all this?

I'd have to say something. It is extremely rude and ungrateful of her.

It's a throw-away meaningless comment by her, but I sense she has overstayed her welcome and changes will be needed in 2023.

Cheeky cow..tell her she is more thsn welcome to go to her parents house or book a hotel over Christmas! Entitled littke madam!.