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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sons girlfriends comments

262 replies

OnPurpleHill · 26/12/2022 14:02

My children have came back from the cities they live for Christmas/New Year as they always do. However my sons girlfriend who lives with us, as they’re saving up for a house, keeps making comments about how busy the house is and how she can’t wait till after new year till things are quiet again.

In her defence she’s saying these comments in a joking sort of way, however I’m absolutely furious. Firstly, I don’t get to see my children that often and I cherish Christmas so much more since they’ve moved out and come back for the holidays I don’t like the idea that they’re an inconvenience.

Secondly, it’s not even her house, if anyone doesn’t have a claim to this house it’s her. AIBU?

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2022 10:20

I think that’s a reasonable comment. She doesn’t mean it as disrespectful, just that Christmas can be hectic and looking forward to some peace and quiet. I love my children and family, but my God, I’m counting down the days until Tuesday 3rd, where everyone is back in work / school / nursery.

Abigail69 · 30/12/2022 10:21

OP
It may be your house but as son's GF living there she is entitled to an opinion.

SlipperClub · 30/12/2022 10:27

If she said it in a jokey way - I’m not sure I could be ‘furious’ about it.
It sounds like she was just overwhelmed by how busy/noisy the house was.
I wouldn’t overthink it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2022 10:51

Abigail69 · 30/12/2022 10:21

OP
It may be your house but as son's GF living there she is entitled to an opinion.

@Abigail69

no she’s not

she’s not paying rent so she has no say

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2022 10:53

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 08:37

I find it actually kind of disgusting tha the generation who benefitted from cheap housing and got on the property ladder relatively easily, seem to find such great pleasure in bashing their children and their partners who don't have the same opportunity, and when they do offer to help or open their homes it comes with controlling strings and expectations. If Dil works and mil was a sahm like many of these people that find drama in nothing, as op has, I'd find that extra galling.

It's overwhelming not having your own home and can feel quite shameful even though for this generation it's no fault of their own. It's normal to find a busy house full of strangers a bit much. Unless she's telling them to piss off fuvkers, it's not rude.

Give it ten years and you'll have a mil thread about how lonely you are.

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay

oh here with go! If you don’t bend over backwards and mollycoddle your offspring they’ll cut you off and leave you festering in a home

Alba2000 · 30/12/2022 11:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 11:07

You can “joke” back “well now you know how I feel with a permanent extra guest” tinkly laugh! “Don’t mind having you here x, but I am looking forward to the peace and quiet when you and ds move out”

starfishmummy · 30/12/2022 11:19

I can understand that if she js used to a quieter house, lots of people can be a bit overwhelming . I wouldn't fall out with her about it, but if she mentions it again I'd reply "That's a shame, I love having a houseful" so she gets the message.

JudgeJ · 30/12/2022 11:20

starfishmummy · 30/12/2022 11:19

I can understand that if she js used to a quieter house, lots of people can be a bit overwhelming . I wouldn't fall out with her about it, but if she mentions it again I'd reply "That's a shame, I love having a houseful" so she gets the message.

Or point her to the nearest Premier Inn until she feels safe to return to your home.

RobertsRadio · 30/12/2022 11:28

Firstly, It is one thing to let your adult child live rent-free without paying anything towards the utilities, but another thing altogether letting a Partner do this, so she should be bloody grateful, I hope she is.

Secondly, Re the comments from her, I would suggest you mention several times how lovely it is having all your DC home, that your DC are always welcome home anytime and how you consider this will always be their home if they need a roof over their head in order to save, you know like you are doing for her, the non-blood related adult.

And thirdly, why hasn't she had the decency to bugger off to her own family for Christmas/New Year to give you a break?

GrinAndVomit · 30/12/2022 11:34

This is definitely a case of six of one, half a dozen of the other. I can see both points of view. Chalk it up to her not having her own family or home yet. She’ll cringe in twenty or so years x

Ursuladevine · 30/12/2022 11:43

She’s “entitled” @Abigail69 to fart during dinner time, to leave shit on the toilet seat, to swear whenever she damn well fancies….

but most people don’t use what they’re “entitled to” do as their benchmark for pleasant behaviour

Ursuladevine · 30/12/2022 11:44

I just can’t imagine living rent free in a home that wasn’t mine or my parents, but the mother of my boyfriend and not being so bleedin grateful that no way would I ever want to say anything that would indicate I was anything other than very bloody happy and content thanks very much

Haffiana · 30/12/2022 12:26

OP, you are going to be one of Those MILs, the ones that feature daily on MN.

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 12:33

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2022 10:53

@MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay

oh here with go! If you don’t bend over backwards and mollycoddle your offspring they’ll cut you off and leave you festering in a home

Show quote history

Behave like a cunt reap cunty rewards.
It's not hard.

Ursuladevine · 30/12/2022 12:53

Haffiana · 30/12/2022 12:26

OP, you are going to be one of Those MILs, the ones that feature daily on MN.

What the ones that allow girlfriends to live rent free in their home to help them save?

longwayoff · 30/12/2022 12:57

I hope you've told her how much you're looking forward to their permanent return. Soon dear, very soon.

InsomniacVampire · 30/12/2022 13:00

I would jokingly say "Feel free to move out anytime LOL HAHAHAHHA"

Bleachmycloths · 30/12/2022 13:02

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 30/12/2022 08:37

I find it actually kind of disgusting tha the generation who benefitted from cheap housing and got on the property ladder relatively easily, seem to find such great pleasure in bashing their children and their partners who don't have the same opportunity, and when they do offer to help or open their homes it comes with controlling strings and expectations. If Dil works and mil was a sahm like many of these people that find drama in nothing, as op has, I'd find that extra galling.

It's overwhelming not having your own home and can feel quite shameful even though for this generation it's no fault of their own. It's normal to find a busy house full of strangers a bit much. Unless she's telling them to piss off fuvkers, it's not rude.

Give it ten years and you'll have a mil thread about how lonely you are.

I don’t know anyone who does ‘child bashing’ because this generation can’t afford to buy. I have only heard sympathetic, worried parents who want their adult children to be happy secure.
Unless you are referring to other posts which I’ve missed in which I apologise.

Bleachmycloths · 30/12/2022 13:02

…in which case…

TheaBrandt · 30/12/2022 13:24

I actually think the pp point is a good one that the parent that steps in and does a massive favour doesn’t get appreciated as minor niggles are the thing that get remembered and not the massive favour.

We moved in with my parents for 2 months (house purchase delayed we had a short term rental lined up the bastard landlord pulled out two days before we moved). My parents kindly let us live with them. There were niggles and I remember Dh recounting them to his parents. Now I see how utterly unfair that was!

MrsRog23 · 30/12/2022 15:30

Absolutely 10000000000% this!!

MrsRog23 · 30/12/2022 15:33

breatheinskipthegym · 26/12/2022 14:18

Sounds like she keeps voicing it because of some unmet need for peace. It’s hard being overwhelmed and in someone else’s space when you feel like you have to go along with what the ‘host’ is doing. Why not gently suggest to her that if it’s a bit much, no-one would mind if she slunk off for a bit, to her room, for a walk, whatever. Maybe “I love a busy house with everyone here, but if you’re craving some alone time, please don’t feel like you have to be in the thick of it all day”.

This is such a lovely way to put it, never lose this mindset 💖

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 30/12/2022 16:23

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 11:07

You can “joke” back “well now you know how I feel with a permanent extra guest” tinkly laugh! “Don’t mind having you here x, but I am looking forward to the peace and quiet when you and ds move out”

Good point.

She's an entitled ingrate.

Any update, OP?

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 30/12/2022 16:32

@OnPurpleHill

I think it's a very good sign that she feels comfortable to say such things. ..if she becomes the mother of your grandchildren this will be absolutely imperative to having a good relationship.

Relationship break down when one person feels uncomfortable saying something to the other , and then becomes resentful.

Yes the content may annoy you but engage with her.
It's funny how people are different Sarah, I absolutely relish a busy house!

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