Page 32 | To feel upset my inheritance is reduced

LaLuz7 · 28/12/2022 09:02

@Withmayo how harsh and unfair of you.

OP is not relying on handouts. If she were she would have asked for her share ages ago. She built a life and a business for herself with no help from them, unlike her two greedy siblings.

However she was led to believe she had this sum coming her way at 40 so it's only natural she figured that into her plans. Anyone would.

so get off your high horse and stop being ridiculous.

Brackensmomma · 28/12/2022 12:44

@Withmayo op hasn't relied on handouts from her parents.
She has stated she hasn't taken a penny from them she was waiting for the money promised to her by her parents when she hit 40.
Her brother and sister have taken their money early.
She doesn't need to grow up she just wants wat is rightly hers. And the same amount her brother and sister have had..
Wats wrong with that.?

nannykatherine · 28/12/2022 13:57

Say no
your brother already had his and took sabbaticals
its your time for a rest and a break
say no
Explain this to your parents

PetraBP · 28/12/2022 20:41

LaLuz7 · 26/12/2022 15:27

Wow, what a disgusting lack of empathy in this comment.

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Aww! You’re offended on OP’s behalf.

What a lovely kind person you are.

Hard to empathise when your own parents worked hard all their lives but had very little to show for it and will have nothing to leave but fond memories….and there are people using food banks.

So forgive me for not piling on with empathy for the fact that OP won’t get exactly the same amount of free and unearned money as her sibling.

LaLuz7 · 28/12/2022 20:46

PetraBP · 28/12/2022 20:41

Aww! You’re offended on OP’s behalf.

What a lovely kind person you are.

Hard to empathise when your own parents worked hard all their lives but had very little to show for it and will have nothing to leave but fond memories….and there are people using food banks.

So forgive me for not piling on with empathy for the fact that OP won’t get exactly the same amount of free and unearned money as her sibling.

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So it's not lack of empathy. It's just good old fashioned envy. At least you're owning it...

Sleepysophie · 28/12/2022 22:33

Has your brother got children? Maybe he’s trying to avoid work so he doesn’t need to pay child support? In which case say absolutely No.

Pipsquiggle · 28/12/2022 22:43

@PetraBP have you RTFT?

Reindeersnooker · 28/12/2022 22:57

Sleepysophie · 28/12/2022 22:33

Has your brother got children? Maybe he’s trying to avoid work so he doesn’t need to pay child support? In which case say absolutely No.

That would make a lot of sense.

namechanged221 · 28/12/2022 23:10

I don't think that's fair, why are they even asking?

anotheronenow · 29/12/2022 00:01

"Sorry, no."

Allsnotwell · 29/12/2022 00:20

I don't think that's fair, why are they even asking?

Because OP will be the bad guy saying no, not the parents. 🤷‍♀️

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/12/2022 09:02

Hard to empathise when your own parents worked hard all their lives but had very little to show for it and will have nothing to leave but fond memories….and there are people using food banks.

So forgive me for not piling on with empathy for the fact that OP won’t get exactly the same amount of free and unearned money as her sibling.

But you DO find it easy to empathise with the brother getting a very decent amount of free and unearned money and then also expecting a load more?

This (granted lovely and considerable) sum of money isn't theoretical; it exists and WILL go to somebody. Do you think it should go to the third (adult) child, whose two siblings have already had the same amount, or that it should go to one of the two siblings on top of all that he's already received?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/12/2022 09:08

Has your brother got children? Maybe he’s trying to avoid work so he doesn’t need to pay child support? In which case say absolutely No.

Previously, the brother sounded selfish and unpleasant; but if that IS the case on top of everything else (and it does sound likely), how disgraceful to be actively planning to avoid providing for your own children.

His ex-wife can't have 'taken him to the cleaners' completely, if he's still managed to hold on to half of his early inheritance as 'untouchable' savings. That said, you would only normally need to take something to the cleaners in the first place if it's very, very dirty....

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/12/2022 09:39

Wish people would read the op posts before replying

As someone else said I do find strange that they say wait till 40

Giving at say 25/30 when many are getting on the mortgage ladder would make sense to have as a deposit

Yes lovely knowing you would get money at 40 @Canthave2manycats but would you have had 2 kids quickly so double maternity leave if you hadn't known were getting it

And I'm a blast bugger as sure all are on this thread

How much are we talking about

Allsnotwell · 29/12/2022 09:52

Considering she’s nearly 40 then two maternity in quick succession was probably required!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/12/2022 10:03

As someone else said I do find strange that they say wait till 40

Giving at say 25/30 when many are getting on the mortgage ladder would make sense to have as a deposit

Yes, I agree with that - why would you deliberately choose just giving somebody a nice windfall as they enter middle age rather than helping to properly set them up for adult life when it would have been much more helpful? Most people have the majority of their assets in the house they live in, so they aren't in a position to be able to pass much on to their children before they themselves die; but that's clearly not the case here.

I know it's not the same thing, but I often think that people who win huge amounts on the lottery when they're very elderly must see it as a mixed blessing. Yes, how lovely to be able to set up your children/grandchildren for life; but it must also make you think that 80+ years of careful frugality has effectively all been for nothing. I mean, I know you couldn't have done anything else - it's not like you could have got a loan for £1m at 20 to spend your life going on the razz, with the promise to repay it in full at 90 with the proceeds of an as yet unknown big payout!

diddl · 29/12/2022 10:13

As someone else said I do find strange that they say wait till 40

Yes-I also wandered why 40?

Although they obviously didn't stick to it!

ZED55JAX0 · 29/12/2022 12:15

Absolutely say no and your upset but you need it and explain why
you absolutely do not have to ageee

angela99999 · 29/12/2022 12:35

I agree about 40 being an illogical age, we downsized and helped our children to get homes when they needed it in their 20s, helping again when they moved to the next housing stage. 40 might be this stage? But either are better than waiting until you die, when most people pay a lot of inheritance tax. And when most offspring have set themselves up and don't need money to the same extent as they do when they're younger.
I hope that the OP does get her full "share" and have no sympathy for her brother. However bad a marriage is both parties deserve a fair split.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 29/12/2022 13:11

The few people I’ve know who’ve done the “wait til a much older age” thing have done it through fear of their kids coasting if they get given too much too young and expecting more and more - which to be fair the OP’s brother is an example of

zingally · 29/12/2022 13:43

Toughen up and say no.

Ask yourself if your brother would give some of his up, if the situation had been reversed. If you laugh knowingly, and say "of course not!" There's your answer.

You're nearly 40. Stop crying and advocate for yourself.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/12/2022 13:55

The few people I’ve know who’ve done the “wait til a much older age” thing have done it through fear of their kids coasting if they get given too much too young and expecting more and more - which to be fair the OP’s brother is an example of

You can never legislate for prodigality at any age, though. Some people inherit on their parents' deaths, when they themselves are well into middle age, and blow the lot regardless. I suppose, at least the parents don't live to see their hard-earned money being squandered then.

If setting an age, I'd hesitate to choose 18 or 21, but if you bring them up well with a sensible and responsible attitude to money, I don't see why 25 - or certainly 30 is too young. It's also potentially difficult if you set a fixed amount at an arbitrary age and have more than one child with quite an age gap, as you're then effectively giving the older one(s) more buying power and potentially risking the younger one(s) being pursued to repay their share if you need to go into care/die early and it's classified as a PET.

MintyFreshOne · 29/12/2022 18:17

LoisLane66 · 28/12/2022 01:33

You should have been canny and asked for the money when you were much younger as your siblings did. You could then have banked it and it would have been earning you extra in interest. I am assuming that it's at the very least 200k going by what your siblings spent theirs on, so you'd have had a decent amount of interest.

Yeah no doubt but how many twenty somethings are that financially savvy?

Liorae · 29/12/2022 20:14

MintyFreshOne · 29/12/2022 18:17

Yeah no doubt but how many twenty somethings are that financially savvy?

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The 20 somethings whose parents taught them financial literacy usually are.

Grrrrdarling · 31/12/2022 03:41

MoMuM7 · 26/12/2022 11:18

I have very generous parents who worked extremely hard to ensure their kids were looked after. When we came of age (21) they told us how much each of us would inherit when we're turned 40. My sister asked for them to give a her a lump sum equal to her share so she could buy a house and they did that. When my brother turned 25, her asked for half of his share ao her could put down a deposit for a house and have enough cash to cover a 3 year sabbatical which they did. I haven't asked for anything as I was happy to wait till I turned 40. I started working when I was 16 so I have always been more financially secure than my siblings but im a freelancer which makes work difficult to come by and i also have 2 under 2. I'd planned to take 6 months maternity then go back to work in January but I'm shattered. My body, soul are exhausted from back to back pregnancies. I turn 40 in Feb so I was hoping to use my inheritance to take another year off, get therapy and sort my self out without financial pressure. DH works hard but his income alone won't cover us if I'm not earning.

Anyway, yesterday (Christmas!) my parents asked if they could reduce my inheritance sum as my brother 'needs it more'. He's just gone through a divorce (he cheated) and his ex-wife took him to the cleaners. His business went under during Covid and he hasn't worked in 2 years although he could get a job if he chose to. He claims he can't go back to working for someone else after having been his own boss for 10 years.

I'm devasted. My parents insist I don't have to say yes but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I haven't stopped crying since.

Tell them how you feel. Your brother made his bead & now he can lie in it. It is not your job to pay for his mistakes & if he cheated he needs to tell the truth & suck up the consequences not squander money fighting to save face/cover a lie.
Say no because the money is yours, unless he agrees to pay it back to you.